


The Deep Blue Pool

by Buddalotus20



Series: The Deep Blue Pool [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies) RPF
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Anal Everything, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Artist Steve Rogers, Asexuality, Bisexual Male Character, Boys In Love, Coming Out, Cuddling & Snuggling, Explicit Sexual Content, Explict, F/M, Gay Male Character, Gay Sex, Homophobia, Humor, M/M, Mixtape, Multi, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Recreational Drug Use, Sex in a Car, Slow Burn, Strong BDSM, Subdrop, Subspace, Swimming, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, bucky is a first sub, clueless boys figuring out subspace, faart, i love anal bucky, mature - Freeform, • Alternate Universe - High School
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-12
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2018-04-14 09:49:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 17
Words: 52,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4560048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buddalotus20/pseuds/Buddalotus20
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers is the top swimmer at shield high, when swimmer Bucky Barnes try's out for the team is more than a medal he is on the team for. this roller coaster of emotions will test their friendship and truths will be revealed</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Hey eveyone its Buddalotus20 this is my first time posting a Stucky fanfic wrote this while i was watching whats your number? hehe so follow me or kudos and i hope you guys enjoy

The school is exactly how Bucky remembers it from the year before: huge, with a rolling lawn in front and a fountain surrounded by a swamp of kids that hate him. Natasha parks and looks at herself in the rear view mirror, smoothing her eyeliner with one finger, "Get out."  
Bucky groans, grabbing his back pack from the backseat and slinging it over one shoulder, "Later."  
"Whatever." Twelve steps. Twelve steps from Natasha's senior parking spot to the lawn. Twelve seconds of bliss and then he's in hell.  
"Welcome back, Falcons! Student body president here, hoping you had a fab summer!" A group of girls near Bucky burst out laughing, Bucky stops walking to listen. "Tryouts for Drama Club are this afternoon in the auditorium at four. Don't be late! And this Friday-"  
The person’s voice over the intercom is drowned out by the pumping of a bass and the distinct sound of Flo-Rida. Bucky’s head turns with about sixty others, just in time to see a black escalade park in a senior spot. The passenger door opens first and Sam Wilson hops out, opening the backseat door on his way past it so that Tony Stark can get out. The music is twenty times louder with the doors open. Several eyes watch Tony and Sam walk across the grass, but Bucky waits.  
The car cuts off and a second later, the driver side door opens and Steve Rogers steps out.

Buck’s chest gets tight.

Steve tosses his head, blond hair swishing out of his electric blue eyes and scratches his chest through the thin cotton of his t shirt. Bucky can practically hear the school's female population melting, then Steve smile’s flashes on to his face for a group of girls, Bucky turns away and keeps walking. He's barely even made it to his new locker before he starts following him. "Bucky, son, here's your schedule."  
He grits his teeth. "I got you a locker near my office, just in case."

"Dad, I don't want a locker near your office." He snatches his schedule from his hands, "You don't make Natasha have a locker near you."

"Bucky-"

A group of students glide past and laugh. Bucky flushes. "Are they making fun of you again this year? Already?" 

"No. But if I have my locker two feet from your office, they will." Phil coulson sighs, fighting off his principal voice and replacing it with his dad voice, "Okay, I'll straighten it out." He reaches out a hand to ruffle his hair, but Bucky moves away.

"I need to find my first class."

And then he's just another backpack.

\- - -

 

He's got A Period Spanish. Bucky thinks it's some world record that he's been at school again less than an hour and he already wants to kill himself. He sits down in the third desk; not the first (too nerdy) and not the fourth (too far back from him to ever manage to concentrate). He figures it can't get any worse than Spanish in the morning.

It gets worse.

"Oh my god, dude, shut up! No way she said that."

Steve Rogers and his friends come in like a wave, filling everyone in the room a feeling of awe and purpose. Sam Wilson shoves him in the shoulder, "She did. Swear." Bucky knows he's staring, and usually he can stop himself from doing that, but not today. Not when Steve is so glowy, like he soaked up all the summer sun an hour before school. Not when he's flashing his teeth in a perfect smile and sitting down in the fourth desk of the aisle to Bucky's left.

"She didn't. You're full of it."

Tony catches Bucky staring and slaps the back of his head as he walks by, taking the seat behind Steve, "What're you looking at, freak?"

freak. It's unoriginal, but it still stings. Bucky wishes he could sink into the floor without anyone noticing. And then Steve’s head is turning and those blue eyes are zeroed in on bucky's face, "What do you want?"  
"N-nothing," Bucky can never decide which is worse, the being called freak or what he pretty much thinks of as his speech impediment, AKA, anything having to do with Steve, "Just... spacing out." Sam snorts and Bucky looks hard in the opposite direction. But turning his face away can't stop them from seeing his ears flush red with embarrassment.

School sucks.  
\- - -

Somehow, Phil Coulson has managed to hook his son up with a locker in the senior section of the second floor, a coveted spot with few other juniors.

Well, ten to be more exact.

At SHS, the cheerleaders and the award-winning swim team are pretty much everything. Consisting of four seniors and ten juniors, they form an elite group of students that Bucky could only dream of joining. His own sister is a senior cheerleader, but that doesn't stop him from getting his homework stolen every day. In fact, it probably just makes it worse. Bucky was left to his fate, left to a high school career full of sucker punches and nicknames every day.

And then Clint Barton fell down the stairwell and broke two bones in his leg in half, and the swim team went into panic.


	2. Look at me now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> will Steve actually notice bucky? or will he leave him hanging out at the pool like bucky doesn't even matter?? so many questions.........

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey my Super Awesome people who read the last chapter!!! thank you so much and i thought i would do you guys a treat!! 2 chapter update today cause of seeing D23 yesterday! thanks for all the Kudos!!! love you all and follow me on Instagram same as my username on here for all my other updates!

Chapter 2  
"Bucky, are you ready yet?!"

Phil pounded on the locked door of Bucky's room. He'd never locked him out before, and it made him feel a mixture between curious and concerned.

"Yeah, just a second."

In his room, Bucky was staring at himself in his basketball shorts, shirtless, inspecting his chest. His abs were okay, nothing special, but he was scrawny. And a little pale. Not like Steve , who had a workout schedule prescribed by the school and clocked into the work out room every day at six, meaning that he was pretty much the high school equivalent of Poseidon.

Bucky sighed, averting his eyes from his face in the mirror. That couldn't be helped, so far as he saw it. His hair was too long to be bothered with, either.

Grabbing his t shirt off his bed, Bucky pulled it on. He was a bundle of nerves and they weren't even at the pool yet. Unlocking his door, he opened it and came face to face with his dad.

"Bucky, are you okay?"

"Yeah." He paused, sticking one hand in his pocket to run over the thin card within, "Dad... can I take the car and drive myself?"

He blinked.

"I just, I already have my license and I never get to drive. Please?"

Phil's brow furrowed, "You hate to drive." When Bucky's face fell, he stumbled into a new sentence, "But you can if you want, son." He was old enough to drive himself. There was no point in stopping him.

"Thanks, dad." Bucky smiled brightly and hugged him, taking the keys he extended to him and bouncing over to the front door, shouldering his bag and waving goodbye as he walked down the front steps of their house and over to his dad's Toyota.

Truth be told, though, Bucky was fidgety. He was already late to practice, and every second of driving, he just got later. Then there was the prospect of Steve not coming or, worse yet, Steve coming and thinking Bucky was a loser, or seeing him swim badly.

But when Bucky pulled up to the pool, Steve's Escalade was already there, super shiny in the afternoon sun with its chrome edging and its huge rims. Bucky took a deep breath when he saw it, grabbing his bag out of the backseat and jogging up the steps and into the building.

Catching the coach's eye for a second on his way to the locker room, he saw that he was in for a major ass-beating after practice. He didn't let himself look for Steve at all, not even once he was on the block. Waiting for a signal to dive in and time his fly.

Bucky swam hard, itching to prove something to Steve, something that really couldn't be proven. He couldn't prove to Steve that they were equals when they weren't, just like he couldn't prove that they should be friends. All he could do was provide the facts and let Steve choose.

When practice was over, Bucky climbed out of the pool, feeling sore and more than a little tired. For the first time, he let himself look for Steve in the bleachers.

He wasn't hard to find, resplendent in a bright neon yellow and pink shirt that read 'I DON'T NEED WEED TO BE DOPE' in huge letters. The very front was tucked in to show off his belt. Despite trying to be cool, Bucky was drawn to him like a magnet, and it was stupid to pretend he hadn't seen Steve yet.

It only took a couple steps to see that Steve was smiling and then Bucky was pretty sure it was okay for him to die, since everything he'd ever wanted had just about come true.

"Dude, what the heck?" Steve hooked one thumb in his back right pocket, tossing his head to get hair out of his eyes, "Why the hell are you wasting time here instead of being on the team?"

Bucky flushed and looked away, shrugging. Steve didn't need to know everything.

"Well, your fly is awesome'. I missed your free, I had to call somebody, but it's probably fine. Right?"

It felt good to talk swimming. Bucky sorely needed somebody to talk swimming with, "Yeah. I don't really have a problem stroke, they all need about the same. You know?"

"Great, same here." He smiled, and Bucky wasn't dumb enough to miss the persuasiveness of it, the way Steve was treating him just like authority. Trying to seduce him into something with a smile and a pseudo-clumsy stance, throwing a mixture of sex appeal and adorableness at him in one big performance piece, "So, you gonna sign up?"

It worked. It worked so well and so quickly that Bucky wanted to punch something, or maybe just kiss him.

"Yeah. Okay. Yeah."

Steve smiled, "Awesome. We have practice every other day after school. And you'll need a weight room schedule, but I think Nick can handle that. He's the coach." He shrugged one shoulder, tossing his head again, a signature move Bucky could see a thousand, million times and never tire of, "I'm captain of the team, and Sam is co-captain."

Bucky flushed slightly, "I know. Everyone knows that."

"Well, sign up tomorrow and I'll tell Nick about you. You'll need to order some sweats and all that shit, and get a locker and a school bag. He'll give you the forms tomorrow."

Bucky chewed his lip and nodded, "Okay. Thanks."

Steve shrugged, "Whatever." He didn't say anything else, just smiled at Bucky rather crookedly and turned, heading towards the double doors, "Later."

Bucky rewarded himself for gaining Steve's approval by watching his ass. Not that he could really help it, anyway, since Steve's jeans looked made for him.

His fantasy world was interrupted by his coach grabbing his arm and yanking him towards the office, "Barnes, you were late."

He resisted for the first time, pulling away.

He frowned, "I don't have time for your teenage drama. Get in my office, now."

Bucky shrugged his shoulder, letting blood flow back in his arm, "No. I quit." He paused, "I'm moving over to the school program."

The coach blinked.

"Bye. Thanks for everything." Bucky walked across the deck to the locker room, skipping the shower to pull his shorts on over bare skin, emptying out his locker into his duffle and more-or-less turning into a ninja to get out of the building and to his dad's car.

He was sure he'd already gotten the phone call, but he didn't care. The school program was better funded anyway, and the equipment was good.

By the time he got home, Phil was ready for him. He could see him inside, sitting at the kitchen table. For the first time, Bucky didn't care. He wanted to make this decision, he needed to, and his dad wasn't going to stop him.

He was going to try, though.

"Bucky, come here, please." he said the moment he opened the door. Dropping his bag by the hall closet, Bucky stepped into the kitchen, heading straight for the fridge.

"Your coach called. He says you quit."

Bucky nodded, poking through the food, "Yeah. I got asked to join the school team."

He sighed, "Bucky, we've talked about this."

"No, we didn't, dad. You talked about this. I never got to talk." He closed the door, deciding he wasn't hungry anymore, "I have to do this, okay? You don't get it. I've been wanting him to ask me forever and now he has. I want to."

Phil sighed again, more heavily, "Is this about that Rogers kid? Son, he's just a boy. You don't need to change your life for him."

"I'm still swimming. I'm just doing it at a better pool with better equipment." He could feel himself starting to pout, "Please, dad. Please sign the forms."

Phil frowned slightly, "I don't know.."

Bucky groaned, "It's my decision anyway! Why are you doing this to me? If I don't join now, it'll ruin my life!"

"Stop being dramatic, Bucky, your l-"

"He ASKED me to join. He wants me to." Bucky could feel his face turning red, could feel himself getting upset, "I never ask you to do stuff like this. Just, please, dad. I'll do anything for you, whatever you want, just please sign the forms."

Phil sighed once more, "Okay, okay. I'll sign them tomorrow."

He wanted to say more, but Buckys's smile was too bright for him to ruin it with parently advice, so he just let him retreat to his room.

\- - -

Bucky knew better than to push his luck. Just because his father signed the forms and he dropped them off at the office for Coach Fury didn't mean he and Steve were friends. Bucky still sat by himself at lunch, and he still looked like a loser in Spanish, trying to conjugate estar in the future tense while Steve chewed on a mechanical pencil and talked over his shoulder to Tony.

"You're coming tonight, right?"

Tony snorted, "Yeah. Of course."

Bucky glanced at them.

"Sharon said the girls are gonna come. They'll bring half a keg left over from Jane's birthday, but we gotta supply the rest."

"Freaking' chicks." Tony rolled his eyes, "I'll pitch, but I better get laid."

Steve grinned, glancing back at Tony before leaning across the aisle to Bucky, "Hey, is Natasha comin'?"

Bucky jumped, "What?"

Steve smiled at him, "I asked you if Natasha was coming."

"T-To what?" Bucky mentally shot himself.

Tony snickered, but Steve ignored him, still smiling, "I know you were listening to our conversation, so just cut the shit and answer my question."

"I.."Bucky took a deep breath, "No. She's going to see Clint at the hospital."

Steve's smile widened, "Okay. You come in her place."

Bucky stared at him, "What?"

"I'm having a party tonight at my house while my parents are out." He glanced at Tony, "So why don't you come?"

"I can't." He looked away, carefully tracing his name on the top of his paper, "I've.. got a curfew." Tony laughed and Bucky turned bright red.

"You're on the team now. You gotta hang with us if you wanna be one of us." Steve leaned back in his seat and Bucky couldn't help but let his eyes coast over that much muscled frame on display.

"My dad will never let me go."

Steve smiled, "So sneak out. I'll send somebody to pick you up."

Bucky studied his Spanish worksheet, which was covered in mistakes and due the next day. He glanced at Steve's, which was blank.

"I can't. I have a ton of homework and... I just can't."

At the end of class, Tony walked close to Steve's back, laughing as he muttered, "Told you he'd never say yes."

Bucky was miserable.

\- - -

He spent his first day of practice figuring things out.

Nick Fury led him to his locker and pointed people out, "We only have two juniors on the team, Rogers and Stark. The rest are seniors." He gestured to the one black guy in the room, "That's Wilson. He's co-captain, Steve's the captain. We go by ability, not age, so no shit about the captain being a junior."

Bucky was too shocked about a teacher saying 'shit' to reply.

"Then you got Odenson, Lang, and Banner." He paused, "Stark, put your fucking phone away!" Turning back to Bucky, his expression was stern, "No texting, no flirting, no headphones, no gum, no candy," He glared at Steve, who just grinned back, "And definitely no girlfriends in here until after practice. Got it?"

Bucky swallowed, "Got it."

Nick handed him a stack of forms, "Okay, you need to fill these out. You need sweats, a jacket, a t shirt, a hat, a Speedo, a swimcap, regulation goggles, an athletic bag, and a bumper sticker."

Bucky blinked, "I don't have a car."

"Just fill out the forms, okay? Don't make this difficult, Barnes."

Steve grinned at him as he walked past with the rest of the team, filing out on deck, "Yeah, don't make this difficult, Barnes."

Steve looks amazing in a Speedo.

\- - -

At the end of practice, Bucky handed his stack of papers back, "How am I supposed to pay for this?"

Nick gave him a look, "The school pays for it. This is a board funded sport."

"Oh."

"Look, all you do is show up and win. The school takes care of the rest."

All you do is show up and win. Bucky was pretty sure he could handle that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank for reading and guess what ive uploaded another chapter so head on over to the "Next Page" button thanks!!! love u alllll xxxxxxxxxx


	3. Just another hole in the wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is being on the swim team ever going to get Steve to see Bucky as something more and will tony ever stop being mean? Struggles of Trying to be accepted (please be aware there is some mature context and underage sex)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again!!! so here is the other update!!! hope you enjoy! (please be aware there is some mature context and underage sex) if you don't like that sorta thing please don't read any further!

Bucky doesn't go to the party, even though a part of him wants to. He has to remind himself that Steve is not his friend, that Steve's friends aren't even his friends. That he isn't the type of kid that goes to parties where everyone gets high and wasted.

But when Steve walks into math ten minutes late, with half-lidded eyes and a baseball cap pulled low, Bucky really wishes he'd gone to the party.

For once, Steve is quiet. He sits down at his desk in front of Bucky and lays his head down. The back of his t shirt goes up just barely and Bucky can see the band of his jeans and his belt, right under a half-inch piece of tan skin. 

Seeing parts of Steve like that are better than seeing him in a Speedo. That half-inch strip of flesh lets Bucky fantasize about intimacy, unlike a Speedo, which is seen by every single person in the school every heat.

Bucky is staring hard, which is why it comes as a surprise when Steve turns and looks at him. He snaps his eyes up to Steve's face, flushing red.

"You're moving this time. I've got a killer headache."

It takes Bucky a moment to realize what Steve is talking about, but he gets it once he sees everyone else partnering off. Standing, he pulls his desk to Steve's and takes the sheets the teacher hands them.

"Do mine." Steve lays his head down and closes his eyes.

Bucky looks at the handouts. They're still in review, but it doesn't matter. He doesn't know the formulas for area and perimeter of a trapezoid, and his stomach clenches as his face turns red.

"I.." He sets them down on the desk, glancing at Steve, then looking away, "I can't."

Steve turns his head slightly, "What?"

"I can't. I don't know how."

There's a beat of silence between them, then Steve looks up, propping his chin on his folded arms, "Well, first you have to find the area."

Bucky flushes an even darker shade of red.

"Look," Steve picks up his pencil, writing at the very top of Bucky's sheet, "Area equals base one plus base two over two," He puts that in parentheses, "Times the height."

Bucky looks away from the sheet, from Steve’s neat print, "Sorry I suck at math."

"It's not hard if you know the formulas." Steve starts writing the formula for perimeter under the first one. When Bucky doesn't say anything, he looks up and smiles, "Look, if I can do it with a hangover, you can do it right now."

Bucky smiles slightly, "Whatever."

Steve watches him do a couple, to make sure they're right, then lays his head back down. Bucky completes the handout, which really isn't as hard as he told himself it was going to be, and writes Steve's name on one, mimicking his handwriting from the formula at the top of Buckys's. He hands them in early and sits back down, giving himself the luxury of just staring at Steve for awhile.

When the bell rings, Steve jerks awake and Bucky laughs. Everyone looks at them, and for a second, Bucky lets himself feel like he belongs.

Then Steve stands up with a yawn and walks out.

\- - -

It's only the first week of school and Buckys's history class is already watching a movie.

It's about some guy in the 1940s, or some time when people had to smuggle booze or fight in wars, and everyone says things like “Fella or Swell” weird. Bucky doesn't really pay attention, just has elaborate fantasies about himself and Steve.

His favorite is the one where Steve's giving him a ride home from some swim heat, and it's late. Steve is a popular boy, so he knows all the tricks and stops the car a block from Bucky's house, leaning across the center console to kiss him. Bucky's arms wrap around Steve's neck and pull him in, and then Steve's hands are on him.

The best part is the moment where Steve smiles at him, right before he starts the car again, and gives Bucky a certain look that makes his heart beat fast. Then Steve asks the best question a popular junior or senior boy could ever ask anyone.

"Will you go to prom with me?"

Bucky is just about there when the teacher calls him.

"James Buchanan?" She waves a slip, "Principal's office."

Bucky sighs. Saying 'principal's office' isn't quite as bad as 'your dad wants to see you,' but it doesn't change the fact that his dad wants to see him and everyone knows it.

Phil Coulson’s office smells the same as always, like buttercream candles and peppermint. He's smiling when Bucky walks in, which is a good sign, and he's holding something in his hand. Papers.

Bucky doesn't sit, "What is it? I'm missing the movie." Not that he was watching, but whatever.

"You made a ten out of ten on both of these math sheets." He smiled, "Good job, bud."

"You called me up here to talk about my math sheets?"

"Bucky, you struggled some last year. I'm glad this year is off to a better start."

He scrubs the carpet with one toe, "Yeah, well, we have partners this year."

"Who's your partner?"

He steps in, letting the door swing closed, "Steve Rogers."

As expected, he frowns.

"He's really good at math, dad. He taught me the formulas. Area equals-" He starts to recite, but Phil interrupts.

"As long as you're not letting him distract you."

Bucky holds himself back from an eye roll, "I'm making better grades. You already said that."

"Well, keep it up." He sets the papers back down, picking up his pen again, "You can go back to class now."

Bucky bites back a sigh and heads back to class.

\- - -

When Bucky walks into Spanish class, Tony is sitting in his seat.

He pretends not to notice, though everyone in the room is grinning like mad. Walking towards an empty desk on another aisle, he grips his books tighter.

A wannabe who still thinks it's cool to wear pigtails stands up, moving back to sit down in the desk Bucky wants. She giggles and glances at Steve.

Bucky flushes, turning around to take her seat. He's tall and lanky, and it takes him a lot longer to get there than the basketball player one desk away.

The next one has a purse in it, the third a pile of jackets. The teacher isn't in the room and Bucky is bright red, standing in the middle of an aisle. Everyone in the class is laughing at him and he realizes then that being on the swim team can't make him cool and that getting math help from Steve doesn't make them friends.

The sad thing is that he feels like he's about to cry, which is stupid. Crying would only make it worse.

Steve is staring at him, but for once, Bucky doesn't want to look back. Digging his nails into his arm, he walks over to the desk with the purse in it and shoves it off the seat, sitting down.

"Hey!" The girl grabs her bag, giving him a nasty look, "Jerk."

"Shut up." Bucky slams his fist down, gripping the edge of the desk so hard, with his right hand his knuckles turn white "Just shut up."

When the teacher walks in, she goes right into conjugations and doesn't even notice bucky's red face, or Steve's blank one.

\- - -

By swim practice, Bucky is pissed, a dull throb of anger that comes suddenly fifteen minutes after the teasing and lasts the rest of the day.

He swims hard, fueling his anger with his ability until it reaches a peak in the locker room as he's pulling on his boxers after his shower.

Steve stands far back from him, like Bucky has the plague, and says the stupidest thing Bucky's ever heard.

"No hard feeling about Spanish, yeah?"

He literally sees red, a tint of the world that just pisses him off further as he slams his locker closed, "You know what, Steve?" Bucky's never fought back, never said a word, but all of a sudden, he can't shut up, "I'm tired."

"Tired?"

"Yeah. Really freaking tired. You've been tormenting me since fourth grade!" He grabs his gym bag, "Don't you ever grow up?"

Bucky takes special care to shove his shoulder against Bucky's when he walks past.

"James, you gonna eat anything?"

His door is locked again, a habit he's stepping into easily. Bucky is laying on his bed with his laptop propped up on his knees, logging into Facebook.

"No. I feel sick."

"You want any medicine? A glass of water?"

"It's just a stomach ache, Nat. I'm going to sleep it off."

The thing about being unpopular and having a Facebook is that everyone wants to friend you. That way, they can go to your page and make fun of you even after school's out, with harsher language. Bucky has more people in his friends list than Natasha, and he's in Steve's top 20 on his Top Friends application, which everyone at school thinks is hilariously funny.

Bucky doesn't have any real friends, and his Facebook is pretty depressing. He was going to delete it, but when Steve added him, he just lost the nerve.

His news feed is 90% Steve and Bucky goes to a promising summer album.

He clicks through the photos of popular kids at the beach until he finds one he likes, a picture of Steve on his back in the sand, trunks riding lower than low on his smoothly skin, one hand shielding his eyes from the sun so that he can look up into the camera. His abs are sculpted like they're made of marble and his tan is flawless.

Bucky closes his eyes, but Steve is still there, laying back on the beach. His imagination runs with it.

Bucky is there, too, stumbling across hot sand to fall on top of Steve, smiling. Steve laughs and kisses him, hand dropping to the band of Bucky's trunks and sliding under.

Bucky shoves his laptop to the side, right hand gripping the sheets as he tries to make himself not think about it.

Steve smiles, "There's no one around," and palms Bucky, getting him hard almost immediately. His hand wraps snugly around the base of Bucky's dick.

He can't stop thinking about it, so Bucky gives up completely, letting his mind run wild.

Steve drags his hand up, then down again and Bucky shifts on top of him, supporting his weight sort of awkwardly. Steve grins, "Roll over."

Bucky can't help it, he's hard.

The sand is hot against his back as Steve pulls Bucky's trunks down enough to release his dick, which is flushed red and leaving a slick line of precum on his stomach. Steve licks that off first.

Bucky swallows a noise and reaches into his boxers, right hand wrapping around himself and squeezing.

Steve's lifts Bucky's dick up off his stomach, bumping his lips against the head before taking it into his mouth. The first suck is soft, which makes Bucky moan, and Steve's grip on him is tight as he swallows down another half-inch.

Bucky moves his hand along his full length, stroking at the same pace as Steve's mouth.

Steve is a little sloppy, the seal of his lips inconsistent as his head bobs, but Bucky isn't complaining. One of Steve's hands sneaks down to cup Bucky's balls, rolling them in his palm steadily, and the whole thing is nearly overwhelming.

Bucky can feel the pressure of Steve's tongue against the underside of his dick, pressing against it and making him moan. When he tugs on a handful of curls, Steve just swallows and hums.

Bucky is jerking himself off slow and hard, mimicking the halting rhythm of a blowjob. His legs fall wider apart as he thinks of Steve, and he muffles a moan with his left forearm.

Steve can tell when Buckys's close and he pulls back some, sucking hard. 

Bucky's left leg twitches and jerks up just a little at the same time as his hips, and he presses his arm against his mouth to keep from saying Steve's name too loud.

When Steve pulls his mouth away, Bucky's cum is trailing white lines down his chin.

Bucky pants, wiping his hand on the leg of his boxers. His eyes catch the screen of his laptop, and the picture of Steve.

He can't help but feel really pathetic.

\- - -

By homeroom the next day, everyone knows what happened to him.

Bucky is pissed off, a totally alien feeling for him. He's pissed off about being bullied, he's pissed off at Steve for trying to smooth it over at practice, and he's pissed off at himself for being pissed off at Steve, then going home and jerking to him anyway.

After first period, half the school is laughing at him and the other half is full of pity. Bucky really, really hates that.

Some nerdy kid with huge front teeth touches his shoulder softly in the hall, "Hey, what they did-" But he never gets to finish because Bucky shoves him away, shoves everyone away so he can just get to his locker in peace.

As usual, the entire swim team is gathered around Steve, listening to him retell some amazing story. When Bucky walks up, they all turn to look and Tony grins, grasping at his fifteen seconds of fame.

"Hola, amigo."

Bucky slams his history book back into his locker, "Shove it up your ass."

Everyone oohs, laughing at Tony and nudging him forward towards Bucky.

"What'd you say, Freak?"

"I said fuck off and leave me alone," Bucky's eyes flicker to Tony's right hand, which he sees curl into a fist. He memorizes the way Tony does it, and his distraction is long enough for Tony to land the punch. Bucky's lip goes hot.

Natasha screams, and Bucky sees Steve push off from the wall.

Bucky doesn't know how fighting works, only that he's angry. He shoves Tony to the ground with the advantage of his size, shoves him hard, and once he's down, Bucky moves in. He mimics the way Tony made a fist and punches him right in the jaw. It hurts his knuckles, but Tony struggles and Bucky hits him again. Everything seems so slow with a quiet pulse, like he's fighting through jell-o at the bottom of the ocean. He gets three punches in before it speeds back up, noise rushing in to fill the gaps.

Natasha is still screaming his name, and two guys are pulling on him. Bucky sees Sam Wilson’s Black Hand on his shoulder and someone else's tan one. When they finally drag him back off Tony, he looks up and sees Steve.

"You gonna gang up on me? Is that the plan?" He can't control his volume level and Natasha won't shut the fuck up.

"Don't hurt him! Don't hurt him!" She runs a couple steps forward, but no one is listening to her.

Sam lets go of Bucky, but Steve doesn't. Steve is dragging him away and suddenly, all of Bucky's anger vanishes, like hot air from a punctured balloon.

"He deserved it. He deserved it."

Steve pulls Bucky into the boys bathroom and over to the sink.

"What, you bringing me in here to fuck me up? I don't care anymore, Steve! I-"

"Shut up." Steve pushes Bucky back against the counter and Bucky shuts up.

Steve moves back, getting some paper towel and wetting it under the faucet. He grabs Bucky's jaw in one hand and tilts his head back, then starts wiping off his chin. Bucky realizes he's bleeding all of a sudden, pain rushing to his cut lip.

"You're a real ass, you know that?" Steve folds the paper to a clean side and keeps wiping, "Yeah, he deserved it. But did you have to do it in front of your sister? Natasha's freaking out, she thought Tony was gonna beat the shit out of you."

Bucky can't talk, since Steve is holding his jaw.

"And Nick's gonna flip." Steve pulls away, tossing the paper towel in the trash can.

Bucky sucks his lip into his mouth for a moment before he speaks, "I don't care. I've sat around letting you all beat on me for years and I just don't care anymore. It's over now."

Steve just gives him a look, "You think beating Tony is gonna make people respect you? No one respects you."

That stings. Bucky looks at himself in the mirror and sees what Steve sees for the first time. A long-greasy haired loser with a cut lip and bruised knuckles, hunkering down in the bathroom with his worst enemy, talking trash.

"I just..." Bucky's chest hurts and he's wondering if Tony landed a punch without him noticing, "I just wanted you to stop."

Steve's mouth opens but nothing comes out, and he blinks at Bucky.

"I just wanted you to stop." Bucky repeats, and then his vision is blurry. He doesn't tilt his head back, doesn't wipe his face, just lets himself cry, tears coasting down his face. He's never cried in at school before, never let himself.

Steve is standing there like someone just slapped him, staring at Bucky in shock and horror.

"Why won't you?" Bucky's bottom lip quivers on its own, a reflex, and he chokes on the air and has to suck it in dryly, sniffing.

"I... I don't know," Steve watches him cry with wide eyes.

"Please just leave me alone." Bucky leans his head against the mirror and sniffs.

Steve doesn't leave, just stands there for a moment, "I'm sorry."

"Go away. Go tell all your friends you made me cry, they'll worship you."

Steve looks like he's in pain, "Stop."

"Stop what?" Bucky sniffs again moving his hair behind is left ear.

"Stop crying. Natasha's going to think I hurt you."

Bucky laughs, bitterly and too loud, "Never bothered her before. Remember when you pushed me off my bike in sixth grade and I cut up my hand? Remember when you used to push me against the fence, or slam me into lockers?"

Steve looks away, "That was a long time ago."

"Yeah, now you just make me want to commit suicide by slowly shredding everything I've managed to like about myself into a thousand pieces."

Steve winces.

"I hate you," Bucky lies.

Steve takes a deep breath, looking back at Bucky steadily, "No you don't."

Then he pushes open the bathroom door and leaves.

\- - -

Natasha puts something on his lip that stings and dabs foundation under his red eyes. Bucky is late to his second period class, English, but the teacher doesn't really notice him when he slinks in, so he doesn't make a big deal out of it.

"What does the whale symbolize for Captain Ahab?" Moby Dick is written on the board in huge letters, and Bucky lays his head down on his desk.

"Pssst."

Bucky sucks on his lip, which tastes medicinal from whatever Natasha rubbed on it.

"Psssst, Barnes." The whisper is coming from his left, so he turns and looks. It's a soft-looking girl he's seen with the stoners and she smiles at him, "Good job punching Stark."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW oh WOW!!! this is getting intense!!!! Please follow my instagram @Buddalotus20 for updates


	4. The consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Bucky still be able to swim for Shield High or will hitting Tony Stark mess his life up forever? and Bucky makes a deal with a buff,blue eyed swimmer will this spark an interest?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! so so sorry for the late update and thank you everyone for the hits, bookmarks and kudos i love you allllllllllllll. cant believe chris and seb have finished filming :( so sad but the show must go on! well enjoy this amazing chapter sorry for spelling mistakes and please leave comments and kudos and i love hearing your ideas!

Bucky makes it to third period Anatomy before it happens.

The loudspeaker cuts on, giving a shrill scream of feedback. There's a pause, then the secretary utters the dreaded phrase, "James Barnes, please report to the office."

He knows what it's about and, by third period, so does almost everyone else. He also knows what to expect, in a way.

When he gets to the office, he sees Tony slumped in a chair, face one giant, swollen bruise. Phil is out of sight, because vice Principal Hill has to deal with all of Bucky's discipline.

"James, you wanna tell me your side of things?"

Bucky looks back at her, "He hit me first." Steve's words come back to him, 'No one respects you.'

"So you're pleading self-defense?"

He shrugs, "Yeah, sure."

She pauses, "Bucky, I'm afraid this can't go unpunished. We can keep you in school, because we have some witnesses who say he hit first-"

"Who said that?" Tony's head jerks up and the vice principal ignores him.

"-but you still hit him multiple times. You're going to have to take some detention time."

He was expecting expulsion, maybe suspension. Detention is child's play. He's never had it before, but it can't be that hard, the coolest people in school are always in it.

The coolest people in school. Bucky's brain skitters away from that before it hurts too bad.

"Bucky? Did you hear me?"

"Yeah. Detention. Can I go back to class now?"

She looks pained, but she writes him up a red slip for before-school detention, a week's worth. Bucky sighs and shoves it in his back pocket.

"Your dad would like to see you."

"Whatever." 

Bucky goes back to class.

\- - -

Spanish is what he's been dreading. The entire day, he's been thinking about it with a sense of foreboding, and when he walks in, he expects Tony to jump up and beat him to death.

Tony isn't there.

Everyone watches Bucky walk to his desk, except Steve. When he sits down, Bucky breaks the vow of silence he has against Rogers to ask him a question.

"Where's Stark?"

Steve looks up from his ballpoint pen, looks right at Bucky, "He had to transfer, the school wants him separate from you. He's got it after lunch now."

Bucky can't respond to that, so he lays his head down on his desk. He and Steve don't speak again until the bell rings.

"What'd they do to you?"

Bucky looks up from his stuff to see Steve watching him, leaned back against the desk.

"Week of detention."

"Did they say anything about the swim team?"

"No."

Steve pauses, "You'll catch shit from Nick anyway." He pushes away from the desk and starts to walk off.

"Wait, what's gonna happen?"

Steve looks back over his shoulder, "We'll vote, him, me, and Sam. We'll decide if you can stay on the team or not. Majority rules."

When he's gone, Bucky feels a deep sense of foreboding.

\- - -

At lunch, he sits with his own group of people, all congratulating him on punching Tony. It makes him feel better; not cool, but better than before.

Steve stares at him from the swimmer's table the whole time, nodding along to whatever Sam is saying. He leaves early and suddenly.

\- - -

"Who were those losers you sat with at lunch?"

Steve's pencil flies over his math worksheet, filling in problems at a fast pace.

"Just some people."

"Because you hit Tony." Bucky's pause tells Steve exactly what he needs to know, "Why do you want to sit with people that only like you because they think you're violent?"

"I don't know," Bucky snaps, bearing down too hard when he writes, "Why do YOU wanna sit with people who only like you because you're an asshole?" He can't believe he's talking to Steve. He cried in front of him after the fight and he's still talking to him. Steve said a lot of hurtful things and Bucky can't make himself shut up.

"At least those people have my back. The people you sit with-"

Bucky interuppts, "They don't even like you! You're wasting your time with a bunch of people who wouldn't even sit with you anymore if you stopped being popular!"

"That's not true." Steve rolls his eyes.

"It is so." Bucky gives up on his worksheet, "I'll bet you two hundred dollars that if you started hanging out with me, your friends would hate you."

Bucky doesn't have two hundred dollars, but Steve most certainly does. And it's worth the risk to him  
.

Steve narrows his eyes at Bucky, considering, "For how long?"

Bucky doesn't even think, "Two weeks." Long enough for Steve's friends to become annoyed, not long enough for it to hurt when Steve drops him again.

Steve snorts, "Easy." He holds out his hand to shake, "You're on."

Bucky shakes his hand, "Starting tomorrow morning, you have to be my friend."

He gets an eye-roll in return, "No problem. You're making a big deal out of nothing."

Bucky actually smiles back.  
\- - -

"Barnes!"

Nick doesn't sound happy to see him.

Bucky hasn't even gotten to put his Speedo on, but when he sees Nick's expression, he thinks that might be a blessing. Because he'd rather not die in a Speedo.

"What were you thinking?!" His face is purple, "You could have been expelled!" A short pause for breath, "Don't think just because you're a steady swimmer that I'll let you off the hook. We may not be able to compete without you, but I could care less. You keep showing your ass like this and I will personally request your suspension."

It's tough love. Bucky knows all about tough love zoning out staring at the frown marks on Nicks head, When he zones back in, Nick is mid-sentence, "-vote on whether you stay or go. So glue your ass to that bench." He points, then goes into his office. Sam follows immediately, but Steve glances at Bucky first. When all three are inside, the door slams shut.

Leaving Bucky with a team full of pissed off, muscled up swimmers.

\- - -

"Now, Steve, I know what you're going to say. Tony's your friend, I get that. But you have to treat this fairly, look at the pros and cons bef-"

Steve slumps into a seat, "I think he should stay."

Nick blinks.

"He's a good swimmer. And the fight was Tony's fault. He hit first." Steve swings a fist, makes a popping noise to represent a connection.

Nick continues to stare for a Moment, "Are you sure? He doesn't exactly fit in with the rest of you."

Sam glances at Steve, like he's trying to make sure his decision is the right one, "I vote stay, too."

"Okay," Nick stands up, "I'll notify the office of our decision. Start warm-ups for me, Steve." He opens the back door of his office, the one that leads straight into the hallway, bypassing the pool, and is gone before Steve can answer.

Sam shuts the door behind him, "Dude, what was that? You hate Barnes."

Steve shrugs, "Whatever."

Sam stares at him, long and hard, then shakes his head. His eyes show just how insane he thinks Steve is.

\- - -

Bucky is afraid.

"Your daddy's not here to protect you now," He gets pushed, which only knocks him into the other swimmers, who push him back. He's being jostled between them at a fast pace, and he knows he's just waiting for one of them to get mad enough to push him onto the deck.

It's a flash of colors that Bucky can't remember the start of, only that he was sitting on the bench and then he wasn't. He doesn't make any noise, which angers them further, just goes limp like a rag doll.

And then it stops, and a warm hand is grabbing his forearm too tight, jerking him out of the group. It hurts, but it's a different hurt than someone looking for a fight, and Bucky doesn't struggle.

"We voted stay." It's said to the room, but close to Bucky's ear. It's Steve, he knows it's Steve, could recognize that voice anywhere. Bucky feels safe, though he has no right to. But after the ring of boys, Steve is a comforting presence. A familiar evil, maybe.

And then Steve is letting him go, pushing Bucky towards the locker room with a mutter about dressing out for practice. He doesn't scold the others, not that Bucky expected it. He just looks at them for a moment before turning towards his bag on the bench, shouldering it and heading into the locker room himself. Sam and Tony stare after him in mute disbelief.

\- - -

When Bucky gets home, he heads straight for the kitchen to make himself a snack. The last two periods, his stomach has been digesting itself, and he really wants a peanut butter and banana sandwich on toast.

He makes it halfway in the door before he sees her, sitting there at the kitchen table giving him a deadly look.

Bucky knows when he's in trouble and when he's just not. And this, with Natasha glaring at him and clutching her mug of tea in her hand like she's trying to break it... this is not the latter.

"He hit me first." Bucky says it, just throws it out there.

She explodes.

"I don't care who hit who first! Violence is not the answer, James!”

Bucky goes over to the toaster and puts two slices in, calmly.

Natasha continues, "Dad is the PRINCIPAL, James. your actions REFLECT ON ME IM AN HONOR STUDENT!!."

When the toast pops up, Bucky goes about making his sandwich, putting it on a plate and getting a glass from the cupboard.

"When dad called you to a meeting in his office, it is NOT optional, James! I may be your sister, but dad is still an authority figure!"

He pours his milk.

"And now you have DETENTION!"

Bucky picks up the plate and his glass, "Nat, he was making fun of me, he hit me first like you saw, I hit him back. It was worth it, okay? I'm not going to apologize."

Then he retreats to his room, leaving Natasha at the kitchen table, alone with her tea.

\- - -

Bucky eats his sandwich by the light of his laptop booting up, watching as his screensaver, a shot of pool lanes at an endless-looking angle, slowly gets covered up by windows. His e-mail notifications pop up and Bucky clicks them, finishing his sandwich in two more bites while the page loads.

Some are from swimming forums and websites, and he's got an update on Lil Wayne's latest ESPN blog, but then several are face book notifications, all staring with 'Steve G Rogers...'

Bucky sets his plate and empty glass on his bedside table and lays back on the pillow, opening the face book ones first.

Steve wrote on his wall, invited him to the swim team's official group, and moved Bucky to number one in his Top Friends application.

Bucky is ridiculously happy, and ridiculously lame.

He manages to doze off while checking the rest of his e-mails.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks!!!! aghghghg who is excited for the next chapter!!! ME!!!! omg i cant wait will Steve and Bucky be friends or will Steve ditch him??? and im loving writing Nat!!!!


	5. A Spark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is a high school swimmer and Bucky is fresh meat will a spark happen???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY!!!! all my awesome people thanks so much for the KUDOS!!!!! and this is for all my addicted fans for everyone wondering if Steve will become the Steve we all know and love its a............... you will have to keep reading to fnd out!!! promise Bucky will help him thats all im giving away anf guess what im uploading a few chapter cause ill be leaving to go to Europe for a whole month so sorry so please enjoy and leave notes!!!! <3 u alll

When Bucky wakes up Monday morning, it's to the shrill beep of his alarm clock and the uncomfortable heat of sleeping with his laptop plugged into the charger and on his lap. Same as every other morning.

He shoves it off and rolls over, smacking the snooze button, and closes his eyes. Maybe he'll be sick today.

Then he remembers the bet, and Steve. So he gets up.

Once he's dressed, backpack over on shoulder, grabbing a bottle of water and an apple on his way towards the door, he realizes today is different. Today might just be a really good day.

Bucky doesn't get a lot of really good days.

"I don't like the way you lock your door lately," Phil comments from the kitchen table. Bucky just nods and heads outside.

He meant to walk to school, because he's early and it's a nice day. Instead, he's faced with the heart attack of Steve Rogers's Escalade parked on the curb by his house.

Like, literally a heart attack. Bucky chokes on his bite of apple and thinks he's about to die. Steve, for his part, just leans his head out the open window and rolls his eyes, "Get in, Punk." The way he says it doesn't sound like taunting for once. It's... almost friendly.

Steve gets straight to business, "Okay. My favorite color is Blue, I like swimming, drawing, and the Celtics. I have a crush on Peggy Carter, the cheerleader, and you're coming to my party this weekend. Oh, and i hate bullies but we hung out at that coffee shop downtown, The Tower, last Saturday. I had a bit of a hangover, you loaned me some aspirin, we talked. You played Halo at my house, you're pretty good, and we tipped back a couple drinks then I took you home. Oh, and I love Lil Wayne, he's my hero, and I want to be him when I finally decide to grow up. Got all that?"

Bucky blinked, "Should I be taking notes?"

Steve ignored that, "C'mon, spill. You're my best friend, I need to know this stuff."

"Okay... um..." Bucky decided to copy Steve's format, "My favorite color is blue also. I like swimming. I... don't have a crush on anybody. I guess I'll come to your party if I'm not grounded. I don't drink coffee, but okay. I play a lot of Halo, but I'm really not that good. I don't drink. And I love Lil Wayne, too, but I think some of his new stuff is cheesy."

Steve snagged onto that immediately, "I know! Like, Prom Queen? Really? That's the worst song since that stupid 'name' one by the Ting Tings!"

"The who?"

"I have ALL his albums, even the underground stuff he did before he made it big. And I have a lot of clothes like him and stuff, and Tony and I have been to like, five of his concerts. Have you ever seen his live show? It's awesome."

Bucky couldn't believe Steve was actually gushing to him about Lil Wayne. He also couldn't believe that he was unable to say anything back.

Steve flipped on his stereo system, switching tracks on a CD to Lollipop remix, "Some of the new stuff is really money though, don't you think?"

"Swell?"

"Swell, Cool, baller, awesome. You really need to pick up on some of my slang if we're gonna convince people we're best friends."

"Uh, okay."

Steve stopped in front of a large, expensive-looking brick house, "Okay, so Falcon is gonna be first pick-up after you every morning. He's gonna reach for shotgun, but hold steady, a'ight? You gotta sit up front or no one'll believe we're serious."

Bucky tensed slightly, a sudden sense of danger coming to the bet. And it wasn't like he could ask Steve to protect him, how lame would that be? They waited in silence for maybe three minutes, and then Sam appeared, sloping across his lawn with a huge grin. The windows were tinted, and he opened the front, passenger door.

Then he stared.

Steve smiled wide, "Hey, G, hop in! What'cha waitin' for?"

Sam still looked a little shell shocked, but he slammed the door and opened the side doors to get in the back, "Your ass to grow, but you're right, I guess I should just give up hope."

Steve pulled a face, "Hey man, you're just jealous cause I got booty and you don't."

"Whatever, dude, you always say that. But the truth is, you just got a skinny ol' ass."

"Hey," Steve turned, looking away from the road completely and officially making Bucky nervous, "I got PLENTY of girls willing to spend all night WORSHIPING my skinny ass, and the teethmarks to prove it."

Bucky blushed.

"Whatever, man. Whatever," Sam just laughed, relaxing a little.

With Sam in the car, Bucky suddenly felt himself under scrutiny. Steve's briefing became a sudden security blanket when the first question came.

"So. Bucky right?," Sam paused awkwardly, "When did you and Steve start hanging out?"

"I saw him at The Tower last Saturday. Gave him some aspirin..." Bucky picked at the armrest.

"You go to The Tower?"

Bucky shrugged one shoulder, "Sometimes. I try not to drink a lot of coffee, it makes me paranoid. And it's a waste of time because I have a really fast metabolism," He knew he was mumbling and he cleared his throat, trying to fix it.

Steve glanced back at Sam, giving him a knowing look, "Dude's a total lightweight. He's coming this weekend."

Sam raised a brow but said nothing.

The next stop was a large, white house with a supremely manicured lawn. The more houses he saw, the more defined his impression of Steve's lifestyle was becoming.

This was Tony's house, the third musketeer in Steve's innermost circle. The REAL best friend, not the poser that Bucky was trying to be.

Tony opened the door, mid-laugh, "Cap, dude, my dad wants to sign me up for self-def-" He stopped, "Why is Sam in the backseat?"

Sam glanced at Bucky, "Front seat's taken."

There was a beat of silence, then Tony's expression shut down, "Oh, hell no. I'll walk."

"Tony, dude, don't be that way," Steve sighs. Tony starts walking and Steve follows, driving slowly next to him, "Get in the car, Tony."

"No. Way. I refuse to get in your fucking car with the guy that punched me. Who is also apparently your new best friend!"

Steve glances at Bucky, feeling the bet going his way and definitely disliking that.

"Tony, we've been friends for seventeen years. Get in the car."

Tony sighs and grumbles and frowns, but he gets in.

\- - -

Rolling up to school in Steve Rogers's car is like being famous. The second they pull up, everyone looks their way. Sam and Tony get out first, like it's some kind of unwritten rule. Once they've shut the door behind them, Steve looks at Bucky.

"Be cool, okay? Seriously."

Then he's getting out and Bucky is scrambling to follow.

He can feel everyone talking about him the second he's out, but he just falls into step with Steve, imitating his blank expression and his walk. When a jock stops Steve to chat, Bucky doesn't exactly know what to do, so he just stands there.

The football guy skids to a stop mid-sentence, "Dude, Steve, you DO realize you have a long hair freak following you, right?"

Steve blinks at him, "What?"

"Bucky Barnes is following you."

Steve blinks again, "No he's not."

Bucky can feel a blush coming, and he tries to suppress it.

The jock laughs, but it's awkward, "Dude, he's right there. Are you trying to say he's hangin' with you now?"

Steve smiles, but it's almost threatening, "Yeah, man, he's cool." There's a silent 'and you're not' before Steve is walking again and Bucky is too.

He's almost in awe. Steve has an awesome power, with leverage coming right out his ass, and Bucky's never gotten to experience it up close before. And now that he is, it's crazy. Girls are fawning over Steve the second he's out of his car, every guy wants to be his buddy. And Steve just walks around like he barely notices anymore, talking to a couple of his adoring subjects and just glancing at the rest.

Every person they encounter looks at Bucky like he's not supposed to be there, and Steve just keeps acting like he is. Like Bucky belongs or something. And it's totally fake and Bucky knows and admits that, really. But the good feeling he gets is real.

\- - -

"Okay," Steve says while Bucky's at his locker, "If you're gonna be my best friend, you have to do what Sam and Tony are always doing."

Bucky snorts, "Follow you around like a groupie?"

Steve nods, "Basically."

Bucky almost gets annoyed at that before he sees Steve's point. Steve could probably care less what the fuck Bucky does. It's everyone ELSE that will care, and if Bucky and Steve don't pretend in the right way, no one will believe them.

"So," Bucky smirks, pulling out his Spanish book, "You getting scared yet? Some of those jocks didn't look all too thrilled to see you with me."

Steve shrugs one shoulder and doesn't answer.

\- - -

Steve is a good sport about the bet, and he plays fair. Bucky knows he's just doing it because he thinks he's right and he wants to prove it, but still.

They sit together in all their classes, right with Tony and Sam and any other swimmers, and Steve tells Bucky the same gossip he tells everyone else. Bucky informs Steve which girls are checking him out, just like Tony, when other people are listening to them and Steve always denies it the same exact way.

He knows it's starting to seem real when people start freaking.

At lunch, Bucky follows Steve to the swim team table and sits down on his left side, because Steve is left-handed. Sam takes the right with a begrudging expression.

"Okay, so-" Steve pauses, looking at Bucky's paper bag lunch, "What's that?" He points to a sandwich.

Bucky shrugs, "Peanut butter and banana."

Steve looks intrigued, "Is it good? I've never done anything but plain old jelly."

After a whole day of imitating Tony-being-Steve's-best-friend, Bucky can actually talk to Steve without stuttering and blushing. He shrugs again, "Yeah, I eat 'em all the time. You want a bite?"

Everyone else is still talking, having their own conversations, but Bucky can feel them watching Steve as he picks up Bucky's sandwich and takes a bite. Bucky knows they expect Steve to make fun of him, that they're waiting for the friendship to turn into a practical joke that sends Bucky off crying to his dad's office.

They definitely don't expect Steve's crooked smile, or the way he sucks peanut butter off his thumb, "Not bad. I never thought about bananas on a sandwich before. Here." Steve always eats fast food, and he offers Bucky some of his fries as a trade for the bite of sandwich.

Bucky can't stop thinking about the way Steve sucked his thumb.

\- - -

"Okay, we're doing kickboard today," Nick barks from the end of the pool. Everyone groans, including Bucky, but he actually kind of likes kickboard. It's an important step, and it's not nearly as hard as say, breaking your arms in the Fly.

"More like kick-BORED. Gimme a break," Sam grumbles, taking off his goggles and tossing them over by the bench.

Nick frowns and heads over to their side of the pool, which just makes Steve grin.

"Uh-oh, Falcon, here comes the pitbull," He makes a barking sound.

"Jones! Do you have a problem with my methods?"

If it were Bucky, he would be freaking out. But Sam and Steve and Tony aren't like that. He knows they aren't and he wonders if people are just born that way, all perfect and cool, or if it's something that happens on its own.

Sam smiles lazily, "No sir, but I ain't gonna lie, I'd rather be in the water for real. Kickboard's important, but it's got nothin' on a real race, you know?"

Bucky rolls his eyes when Nick smiles immediately and pats Sam on the back.

\- - -

They split into groups of two, one to swim two laps and the other to watch and critique the kick method.

Steve pairs off with Bucky without a word, leaving Sam and Tony to form their own group.

Bucky picks up immediately on Steve's Backstroke perfection, and he knows it's Steve's golden stroke from the way he chooses that one for their check-up from Nick, who declares Steve's kicks nearly perfect.

Bucky rolls his eyes, "Everything about you is nearly perfect. Big deal."

Steve snorts, "Whatever."

"It is. Your entire life is ideal."

Steve hands Bucky the kickboard and shrugs, "Not really."

Bucky hesitates before getting in the water, preferring to talk to Steve any day, "Name one thing about your life that isn't nearly perfect."

Steve opens his mouth, but skids to a stop. After a moment of awkward silence, he smiles, "Yeah, I guess it is. Anyway, it's your turn."

Bucky gets in the water.

\- - -

Bucky and Steve are ready way before Sam and Tony, so they head out to the parking lot first.

Bucky sighs, leaning against the passenger door because it's too hot to get inside unless Steve's going to crank the AC, "Being your best friend is hard."

"Yeah, well, being yours ain't an easy job either," Steve grins, slow and easy, "Wears me down to hear everyone complaining about you all day."

Bucky actually laughs, "Ouch, man. Everyone?" Bucky feels suddenly nervous, but he tries not to show it, "You too?"

Steve just shrugs, glancing over at Sam crossing the parking lot, "I guess you're okay. I haven't been too bent out of shape about it yet."

Bucky tries really hard not to smile.


	6. The boy behind the mask Part one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is a popular high school swimmer and Bucky is fresh meat will a SPARK happen?????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these next few chapters are Really Really long!!! i just got into the mood and so so sorry for them being long but enjoy

Tuesday morning, Bucky wakes up early and shaves. His original plan is to look really good, all clean lines and clothes that fit. He doesn't think he's attractive, but lately, Bucky's come to the realization that just because he's not very attractive doesn't mean he has to make it worse by slumming it up.

He shaves and puts it in a messy man bun with a few strands falling out of it. It's not really going his way at all when Natasha walks in, knocking the door open with her hip and scaring the shit out of him.

"What are you doing?" She picks up her toothbrush, trying to catch his eye in the mirror.

Bucky blushes and wipes his hand on the side of his boxers, "Trying to... fix my hair. It didn't really work.."

And then, before Bucky can thank God for big sisters, Natasha is doing his hair herself, explaining the process to Bucky.

"Try not to tie it too tight weird look," She pulls a few more strands a little, enough to look good, then smirks, "Steve picking you up again today?"

Bucky flushes, "Shut up."

"He's cute," Natasha smiles, fixing the back of his hair, "Really cute."

"I know, I'm not blind," Bucky likes when Natasha is nice to him. Sometimes, she can be a brat. He thinks maybe it's some sort of senior thing.

"Well, neither am I. You shaved."

He shrugs one shoulder, "I shave."

"Never in the morning. You shave like, just enough to not be a lumberjack, James."

He blushes again.

Natasha smiles, "James, do you like Steve? Like, like-like him?"

Bucky scratches the back of his neck and looks down.

Natasha shrieks, "Ohmygod! OHMYGOD!"

Phil's voice comes from the kitchen, "What's going on in there? Natasha, are you okay?"

"Everything's fine, Dad!" She lowers her voice, dragging Bucky towards his room, "Ohmygod, what are you WEARING?"

Bucky can't help but smile a little.

\- - -

"I look dumb."

Natasha rolls her eyes, picking at Bucky's hair to make sure it's perfect, "You look amazing."

He's wearing his one pair of good lace up combat boot , skinny jeans, and a belt from the floor. Natasha dug through her closet for a shirt of Clint's, which Bucky pretended not to acknowledge, and came up with a vintage Army T-shirt. The front is tucked into his jeans a little to show the belt, and because of Bucky's shoulder muscles, it pulls across his back just enough to look like it might actually be HIS shirt. It fits.

Natasha, sniffs him, "It's been in my closet for AGES, so it just smells like our house. No one will know, really. And DON'T tell them."

It's his turn for an eyeroll, "I'm not retarded. Why would I tell ANYONE I let my sister dress me up in Clint's clothes?"

Natasha smiles, "Well, you look good."

"Yeah, I guess," Bucky runs his hand over the flat plane of his stomach, "Too bad I only have one outfit."

Natasha starts to comment, but then sees the clock, "Hey, when's Steve coming to pick you up?"

"7:30."

"Well, it's 7:29."

Bucky panics, "Shit!" He sprints back to his own room, dropping to the floor to shove books and papers into his backpack.

Phil appears in the doorway, "James, your ride's here."

He starts pushing things into his bag faster.

"Son, we need to talk about this. Steve-"

"I can't right now, dad, he's already here," Bucky zips his bag and shoulders it, heading past him

"What'd you do to your hair? And your clothes? James, I don't-"

"Dad, I CAN'T right now, Steve's already here! I HAVE to go!" He skips the morning apple and runs out the door.

And there's Steve, sunglasses pushed up into his Blond hair. Bucky jogs across the lawn and opens the passenger door, slinging his backpack in, "Sorry, my Dad wa-"

"Whoa."

Bucky looks up and, for the first time in his entire history of looking at Steve when Steve is speaking to him, they don't make eye contact. Steve isn't looking at Bucky's eyes. He's looking down. At his belt.

Bucky blushes and climbs in, slamming the door, "What?"

"Got a makeover?" Steve's eyes run up over Bucky to his hair.

"Is it... is it bad? I thought it looked okay, I mean-"

"No," Steve smirks and his eyes coast down again, making Bucky blush something fierce, "It's definitely an improvement."

His face feels hot, but it's good. The look is good and the hair is good. Steve likes the look and the hair.

Bucky blushes again and looks out the window, "Okay."

\- - -

Bucky figures out pretty quickly that things are different when you LOOK different.

At lunch, Steve sidles up to him pretty close, hip to hip, should to shoulder, "Dude, Sam says he was talking to Peggy Carter and SHE said that Sharon said you were cute."

Sharon. His interest is piqued, but only slightly, and his face shows it.

"Who's She?" Bucky says it without thinking and sees Steve's look of surprise. They stare at each other for a moment and Bucky is pretty sure that Steve just might know everything.

"Sharon Carter, Peggy’s cousin The cheerleader."

Bucky takes deep breaths, keeps his blush under control, "Oh. Okay," Then he turns and walks over to their table and sits down.

A few minutes into lunch, Sharon walks by with Natasha, both of them giggling and gossiping like the high school girls they are, and half the swimming table groans.

"God, look at her ass," Peter says, and the entire table looks at Sharon's ass. Or, well, almost the entire table. Steve is drawing a penis on Tony's math book and Bucky, after a quick glance, pays a LOT of attention to his chips.

Tony watches him carefully, "Dude, don't you think Sharon Cater is hot?"

It takes Bucky a second to realize he's being spoken to, and then he freaks a little. He's gay, but it's not like he can tell a table full of red-blooded males that. So he scrambles.

"Yeah, it's just... I could never date her."

Peter snickers, "Well, that's obvious..."

Bucky looks down, blushing a bit, but Steve speaks up.

"How come?"

They make eye contact again, blue to brown, and Bucky is glued in place, "Uh... she and Nat are really good friends," He scrambles for a second, "I've heard her talk about her period."

The table erupts with noises of disgust and loud, obnoxious laughter. A couple seconds after it starts, Bucky realizes that they're laughing WITH him, not AT him.

Steve breaks the eye contact, "Oh."

\- - -

In math, Bucky decides to try and break the ice a little.

"You like to draw?"

Steve blinks, looking up from his phone, "What?"

"When you first told me everything I needed to know to act like your new best friend, you said you liked to draw."

"Oh," Steve looks down and, for a second, Bucky thinks he's ending the conversation. Then he sees the slight edge of pink to Steve's skin and gets a shock. Steve Rogers is blushing. Not a lot just a little red creeping up his neck, but he's still doing it.

"How come you're not in art then? If you like to draw."

Steve picks at his phone cover and shrugs one shoulder, "...It's a lame class."

"Any class you take is cool."

He shrugs again, evading the real reason. Bucky can see him evading, can see Steve trying to think of something else to talk about.

"I'll trade you."

Steve's brow furrows, "What?"

"Tell me why you don't take art and I'll answer a question, too."

Steve fiddles with his phone for a second, then glances up at Bucky, "...My dad wouldn't sign the forms. He thinks art is a stupid class," Steve looks down again and Bucky can see his spine straighten, the way Steve buffs himself up to try and look tougher, stronger, "He said it was a waste of time and that I wasn't very good anyway. He's right. I'm not that great, I was just trying for an easy way out. Sports is what I'm really good at."

Bucky knows he should be believing Steve, but something in his tone is off, and the story comes out wrong. The first half, about his dad, is believable. But Bucky doesn't like the sound of the second half, or the way Steve has to brace himself to say it.

"You're good at math. You're smart."

Steve looks away, "Geometry is pretty easy, it's just memorizing. I'm really not that smart."

"You make straight A's. Every teacher loves you," Steve looks nervous, so Bucky stops pushing it.

They sit in awkward silence for a little while, Steve picking at the fake wood of his desk and Bucky staring at his pencil. Then Steve looks up.

"I've got a question."

Bucky agreed to this, so he nods. A slow dread is welling up in his stomach.

"Do you hate me?"

It's a loaded question. Bucky considers the answer for a long time.

"You said you hated me," Steve continues, "In the bathroom."

"Why do you care?" Bucky asks, but when Steve just stares at him, he figures he's not going to get out of it that easily, "No. I don't hate you. I just... don't understand you."

Steve blinks.

"I mean, why me? There are a million other friendless losers in this school and you make it your life mission to mess with ME? I don't understand that. I don't understand how you can wake up every day and do nothing but make people miserable, even though you said yourself you hate bullies."

Steve picks at his desk for a long moment, "I guess you think I'm pretty stupid, huh?"

Bucky isn't expecting that, and the bell rings before he can think of anything to say.

\- - -

When Bucky comes out of the gym from practice, he sees Natasha waiting on the hood of her car and walks over immediately.

"Hey."

"Hey, bro," She grins and holds something up. something shiny and blue.

Bucky blinks, "Is that Dad's credit card?"

He can't see her eyes because of her huge sunglasses, but he imagines that they glint evilly, "Yeah."

"How'd you get it?"

"I talked to dad. About nothing you gotta worry about."

Bucky glances back and sees Steve trotting across the grass to his own car. He knows he could catch a ride if he wanted, that he could probably worm his way into spending at least another half hour with Steve. Once, before, he would have jumped at the chance.

Instead, he gets in Natasha's car, "Cool."

And it is cool. Not needing Steve Rogers is really, really cool.-

\----------------------------------

The first person who gets to see the new clothes is Clint.

He's back in the hospital because of his pain, and a little loopy, but Natasha's face lights up so much at the sight of him that Bucky manages to still be jealous.

"Hey, Sexy," Clint says, and he holds out his non IV'd hand towards her. Natasha smiles and hugs him carefully, then perches on the edge of the bed by his side.

Clint looks at Bucky, "Why's HE here?"

Natasha plops a bag of McDonald's on his chest as a peace offering, "He's my brother," She drawls sarcastically, "We hang and I love him."

"Sorry, sorry. I just meant... I was just wondering," He works a Big Mac out of the box one-handed and takes a bite, speaking with a full mouth, "He looks better. D'you do that, or did he?"

Natasha smiles, "Me."

Clint nods and says nothing more, going back to his food.

Bucky listens mutely as Natasha tells Clint a play-by-play of every single thing that has happened since her last visit. Bucky wants to roll his eyes, but Clint actually listens. Attentively, eyes glued to Natasha's face like he can't believe she's there. He doesn't pay any attention to Bucky, just her, and it's enough to make Bucky jealous all over again.

When the visit is over and they're walking back to the car, Bucky's hands shoved deep in the pockets of his new hoodie, he asks her, "Have you already... done it?"

They're siblings, so Natasha doesn't look all that startled by the question, "No."

"Not even with Clint?"

That makes her smile, a secret kind of smile that Bucky thinks you probably can only have once you know somebody loves you, "Clint's traditional. He's waiting for marriage. And I don't mind his beliefs, or upholding them."

"Don't you ever want to? Do it, I mean."

She shrugs, "Yeah, but it just depends. I mean, I don't have anything against anybody who does, I just haven't yet."

Bucky drags his feet, shuffling his new shoes over the asphalt to break in their smooth soles, "Oh."

Natasha sighs, "It'll happen, Bucky. You think it won't, but it'll happen. You'll see."

The way she says it makes Bucky almost believe it.

\- - -

"You two are getting along so well, lately," Phil smiles up from his Newspaper when they walk in the door, pleased.

Bucky would tell her that the fight with Tony was their bonding, when Natasha realized she cared and Bucky realized he wanted her to. But he doesn't, because he's not stupid enough to bring up that topic when his dad is actually happy.

Natasha elbows him and Phil forces another smile, "I like your clothes, Son."

"Thanks, dad," He mumbles, heading straight for the kitchen to stuff his face with leftovers from the fridge. His best Spanish test from last year is still on there, stuck with a magnet he made his mom in third grade in the shape of a heart before she died. It's a 99, and his eyes land on the one word he missed.

Querer: To wish, to want, to like, to love.

"I was thinking, if both of you are in tonight, we could get pizza. Make a night of it," Phil calls from the living room, where he's folding the newspaper and leaving it on the coffee table.

Both of them. Bucky used to be a given, but not anymore.

"Yeah, we're staying home," Natasha steals a piece of the chicken Bucky's inhaling, giving him a look that warns him not to disagree with her, "So, pizza is cool."

"Well, there's some money on the counter. If you want, you two can go rent some movies? I put some extra money in for you to get a game, son."

Natasha grabs the cash.

\- - -

"No way," Bucky says, looking at the box Natasha has in her hand, "Dad hates Leonardo DiCaprio."

"But he's so cute," Natasha is tempted.

"He's not that cute."

She sighs and puts the DVD back on it's shelf and moves on to a new section, browsing.

Bucky ditches her to go to the video game section of the rental store, where he can easily spend two hours staring at a wall of XBox titles in indecision. He starts his own browsing, skipping over the games he already has (which is a lot of them). Gears of War looks promising, and gives him pause.

"That game rocks."

Bucky is startled, and he nearly drops the case, turning to look at Steve with wide eyes, "Jeez! Don't just pop up like that!"

Steve shrugs, giving Bucky the once over. He pauses at his shoes, looking at them the longest, "Nice kicks."

Bucky has no idea what kicks are, but he nods, muttering a thanks.

"Hey, James," Natasha rounds a corner of shelves, eyes on the box in her hand, "This one has that guy from Captain America in it, he's cute, right?" She looks up and sees Steve, step faltering with a look of surprise.

Bucky swallows, keeping his voice casual, "Uh... which one?"

Natasha blinks, "The... Blond buff...his ass look so fine in a tight suit……. guy." She holds the box up for him to inspect the cover.

Bucky looks at him, "I don't know, he looks too buff in this. And dad won't like this movie, he only likes him as Captain America remember the obsession….. so no thanks Nat. Find some cheesy romance or something."

Natasha nods, trying not to look at Steve, and backs off.

Bucky knows he should feel frantic, or devastated, but he only feels calm. He IS gay, and if Steve has realized it, then that's it. Bucky can't change that part of himself no matter how hard he tries, so people will have to accept it.

"I don't know what your problem is," Steve says, and Bucky starts to wince, "Chris Evans is usually considered very attractive by everyone."

Then he just walks off with a wink. Bucky tries to see what he rents, but Steve's holding the case at an angle.

\- - -

"I'm sorry," Natasha says in the car, biting her lip, "I didn't do that on purpose. I never meant it..."

Bucky shrugs, "It's no big deal."

"But, Steve-"

"If he doesn't like me because he thinks I'm gay, then we wouldn't have been together anyway," Bucky shrugs again, because he knows he's right.

Natasha apologizes again and drives.

\- - -

Halfway through the movie, when they're all done eating, Natasha turns out the lights and they watch the rest in the dark. She starts to fall asleep towards the end, and the way the three of them are smashed together on the couch means that she mostly rests against Bucky's side.

Maybe it's pathetic and weird, but in the dark, Bucky pretends it's a sleepy Steve slumping into his side like that. It fills him with a sense of calm immediately, gets rid of the leftover jealousy of having to see his sister and Clint together.

When the movie's done, Bucky retreats to his room, genuinely tired. Laying down, he indulges in fantasy for a little while, imagining that Steve's laying with him, or in the shower or something. It's incredibly lame, but he can't help it.

At some point, he dozes off, but around midnight he wakes again to a low knock on his door.

Bucky looks at his clock and frowns, but it must be Natasha, so he goes and unlocks it.

She's wearing all black, and she's dressed up.

"You're going out," Bucky says dully, "I won't tell mom." He starts to close the door, but her foot is in the way.

"WE are going out," She says in a harsh whisper and slips inside, closing Bucky's door, "Get dressed."

Bucky frowns, "It's the middle of the night. We have school tomorrow."

Natasha sighs, flipping on his TV and muting it for low light, "Just get dressed, loser. Stop whining."

Bucky knows that he's grounded, and that sneaking out is bad anyway, but Natasha IS his older, cooler sister, and a small part of him idolizes her enough that he listens. He dresses in black jeans, boots. White t-shit and a brown leather jacket this time, mimicking her dark style because she's his only clue as to what's going on.

She waits patiently on his bed while he does his hair, it doesn’t seem to be working so he leaves it down, and then she's opening his window, just like that.

Bucky starts to whine again, just a little, but then his sister is outside, hooking a foot over the branch of the oak tree and climbing on. Bucky can only watch and memorize.

When she's on the ground, it's his turn to climb, and the moment holds weight with him. The tree stands tall between their two rooms, within easy reach of both windows, and he's watched Natasha take advantage of it, disappearing into the night for exciting parties and more fun than he could even imagine. And now, he's doing it too.

It's dangerous in the best way, and Bucky can't help but feel excited.

"Here," Natasha says when his feet touch the ground, "They'll expect you to pitch in." She shoves a wad of cash into his back pocket.

"Pitch in?"

"Guys provide the weed and the drinks." At Bucky's expression, she smirks, "No, I don't smoke, James. But other people do, and they'll expect you to pitch. Now c'mon."

Bucky follows her, and he can tell it's some kind of initiation that Natasha is helping him with. He gets the feeling that Peggy helped her, too. That this is something Natasha feels like a better person for doing.

There's two cars waiting at the end of the block: a beat-up black truck and a sleek and shiny red car that Bucky knows belongs to Peggy. Natasha climbs in the red car and they pull off just like that, leaving Bucky and the truck.

He stands there awkwardly for a moment, and then the driver's side window unrolls and Tony looks out, "Get in."

Bucky takes a breath and opens the door.

The backseat already has two people in it: Thor and Steve. Bucky takes the third, leaving the front seat next to Tony empty.

Bucky's thigh is pressed against Steve's, but Steve is speaking to him so he tries to pay attention.

"Okay, you bring any cash?"

Bucky blinks, "Uh, yeah." He digs the money out and hands it over. Steve counts quickly, then hands it over to Thor, "One-fifty."

Bucky chokes on his own spit. A hundred and fifty dollars from Natasha? She didn't even work.

Steve slaps him hard on the back until he stops coughing, "Tony drives, you and me do the footwork, and Thor sits. Got it?"

Bucky blinks again, "Footwork?"

"Yeah. We get out of the car and fetch stuff. You know what I mean?"

"Oh," Bucky swallows, nervous at the idea, "Uh... why does Thor get to sit?"

Tony speaks up before Steve, "Prettyboy back there doesn't drink or smoke, but his daddy is county sheriff, so he gets a free ride."

Thor rolls his eyes, muttering something under his breath.

They drive.

\- - -

Bucky's heart is beating VERY fast when they pull up at the gas station. Steve elbows him, "Get out."

He does, stepping far enough away from the car that Steve can follow. A hand touches his lower back for a split second, and then Steve is walking past, "Come on. And try not to look so teenager."

Bucky follows him inside and discovers his real purpose on the trip: manual labor. Steve goes up to the counter, where a young girl with purple hair is working, and flirts with her for ten or fifteen minutes. Bucky's eyes are glues to him, to the way Steve smiles and looks at her like no one else is even alive.

Then he and Bucky are carrying bottles and kegs and cases up to the counter and Steve swipes his credit card. While Steve flirts some more, Bucky loads up the back of the truck. He can imagine being arrested, and his sister crying over his old stuff when they send him off to jail.

The second the truck's loaded, Steve comes outside.

"Why'd we need cash if you used your card?"

Steve climbs in the truck and Bucky follows, "Cause some people don't take VISA, Freak."

Bucky winces at the nickname and looks out the window.

Scoring weed is a terrifying experience he doesn't wish to repeat, with Tony parking in a sketchy neighborhood and Steve getting out all by himself, going in a house with blinds over the windows. They wait in dark silence with the headlights off for half an hour, and Bucky appears to be the only person impatient. When Steve comes outside, he smells like pot. He hands a baggie over to Tony.

"Did you sample?"

Steve's white teeth glow in the dark as he smiles, "Yeah."

\- - -

The party is at Steve's house, and Bucky zones out on the conversation around him so that he can soak in the view alone.

It's a huge brick mansion, in his opinion of the word. The lawn is sloping, visible thanks to the small lights lining the driveway and the flowerbeds. There are lights strung up in the back, too, and Bucky can hear music. Steve doesn't appear to have any neighbors, and his house is outside city limits.

Tony pulls up the drive and into the garage. Bucky can see the pool through an open door leading to the backyard. It's lit by underwater lights, and there's a pool house beyond it.

Everyone climbs out and Tony drops the back, leaving everything in the bed for easy access.

Steve's eyes are half-lidded and he's standing really close to Bucky, "You drink, right?"

Bucky shakes his head.

Steve laughs and Bucky is so in love with him that it's pathetic, "Drink some of the punch. You won't even taste the alcohol, that's what Natasha does. You're probably a lightweight like her."

And then the party starts.

\- - -

Bucky follows Steve's advice because he's thirsty and there's nothing to drink that isn't spiked. Thor is drinking out of his own personal water bottle, but Bucky didn't come that prepared, so he gets a glass of punch and sips it.

The music is insanely loud, and Natasha has on the tightest dress in the world. She mostly dances with her friends though, and Bucky can tell she wishes Clint was there.

The punch tastes like punch, and it's good. Bucky drinks several cups and doesn't notice that he's getting drunk. The only thing he notices is that he's kind of having a good time. People he's never seen before in his life ask him to dance, so he does, but he also steadily drinks punch.

At one point, Natasha comes up and dances with him on a slow song, stealing sips from his cup, "I think I'm gonna go home. You'll be okay, right? Thor said he'd give you a ride, and he's a nice guy. He's Clint's best friend."

Bucky just nods, and then she's gone and he drinks some more punch.

\- - -

"Hi, I'm Sharon."

Some girl in tight jeans and a teeny tiny tube top is trying to flirt with him. Bucky drinks his punch.

"Have you been inside yet?"

Bucky shakes his head and she smiles, "I'll give you the tour."

This reeks of Bad Idea, but Bucky wants to see the house and he doesn't want to go alone, so he follows her.

Sharon leads him up onto the back porch, and Bucky grabs another cup of punch. They go inside through the kitchen, which is all dark wood and black marble, then through the living room. Bucky glances longingly at the soft leather of the couch, but Sharon pulls him upstairs.

Most of the doors are closed and locked. Bucky drinks his punch and let her drag him down the hall to the last door. She opens it and Bucky stares.

It's Steve's room. The bed is big, with blue cotton sheets, and there are sketches all over the wall. He has his own bathroom, and the top of his dresser is covered in a thousand swimming trophies and medals, all first place.

Sharon smiles and shuts the door behind them, "You like me, right?"

Bucky's tongue feels thick, "Uh."

Sharon pushes him onto the bed and Bucky's punch spills on Steve's sheets in slow motion. They smell like Steve and Bucky closes his eyes.

"Don't fall asleep," Sharon giggles, and then she's kissing him.

Bucky keeps his eyes closed and pretends it's Steve, which is easier than it should be because of the smell. Everything is moving slowly, like Bucky's kissing Sharon in a pool of pudding. Jiggly pudding.

"I don't know why I never noticed you before," She giggles again and sits up, tugging off his jacket.

Bucky blinks slowly.

She then starts to undo his jeans, giggling again, "Are you a virgin? I am."

Bucky starts to respond, but the door opens and suddenly he's looking right at Steve.

"Hey. Get out. And Get the FUCK OFF HIM!"

Sharon stares at him, smiling slowly, "Hey, Steve. I-"

"GET THE FUCK OUT!."

A pout graces her features, but she leaves. Bucky tells himself to get up, but his legs don't respond so he just lays there.

Steve looks wasted, and he doesn't seem to care about Bucky still laying in his bed. Instead of speaking again, he stumbles over and basically falls down onto the vacant side, hand touching Buckys.

Steve smells like girls and beer, but he also smells like STEVE. He's gorgeous even when he's just laying there, and Bucky takes in the sight of their hands touching.

Then, following Steve's example, he passes out.

\- - -

Bucky wakes in mid air. He wants to talk, but the only thing that comes out is a grunt.

"Morning, sleeping beauty," Thor snorts, "You're lucky I promised your sister I'd take you home, cause you're piss drunk."

Bucky grunts.

It's daylight outside, 5:30 in the morning. Bucky doesn't even get that, just gets the fact that he doesn't want to be awake.

He goes back to sleep.

\- - -

Bucky doesn't remember getting inside, but he's sure it involved dangerous, drunken climbing. All he knows is that the sun hurts.

"Bucky, time to get up!" Natasha knocks on the door as she passes it and, all of a sudden, Bucky realizes he feels kind of sick.

He runs out of his room and down the hall to the bathroom, elbowing Natasha out of the way and shutting himself inside. He hears her yelling something about breakfast he pukes.

Twice.

Then he leaves the bathroom calmly and goes into his room to get ready. Today is a hoodie day, a sunglasses and hoodie day. Bucky leaves his hair down, and puts on his darkest pair of shades.

He didn't bring any books home the day before, so there's nothing to grab. He slips out the door just in time for Steve's arrival and sees they're both wearing sunglasses and hoods. Bucky smiles.

"You feel like shit? Yeah." When he's sitting down, Steve hands him a bottle of aspirin and an open, half-finished Gatorade.

Bucky takes four and swigs some Gatorade to wash it down. His first hangover, in his opinion, seems totally worth it.


	7. Boy behind the mask Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is a popular high school swimmer and Bucky is fresh meat is a SPARK going to happen??

"Napoleon's noble background and family connections gave him greater opportunities than the average Corsican of his day."

Bucky sighs and leans forward to rest his head on the cool, smooth surface of his desk. His head isn't pounding anymore, but it feels like it's full of jell-o, information slowly floating through to come to rest somewhere in the middle.

The room is dark so that they can take notes off the overhead, and Bucky relaxes in the soft embrace of it. In that dark, he falls asleep.

~ ~ ~

Bucky laughs loudly, watching Steve flop onto his back in the dewy grass, looking up at the grayish-pink sky of the rising sun. Bucky lays down too, reaching a hand up and imagining his fingertips can really brush against the clouds.

"I wish I could know you," He says, and laughs again. A happy sound.

Steve smiles and props himself up on one hand, reaching out with the other to snag Bucky's hand out of the air, "You do know me," Steve whispers, leaning in to brush their lips together, "Better than you think."

~ ~ ~

The ringing bell is Bucky's alarm clock. He gets up and leaves History, heading out into the hall. The lights are bright and he puts his sunglasses back on, walking faster when he sees a glimpse of wild curls peeking out from under a black hoodie.

"Steve!"

Steve turns with a wince and Bucky smiles inside.

"Oh my God, dude, what's wrong with you? Ow," He puts a hand to his temple, more hungover than Bucky.

Bucky ignores that, not wanting to lose his nerve, "Lemme copy your math homework." He follows Steve to their section of lockers, specifically to Steve's own.

"Why would I do that?"

"Cause I asked you to."

Steve shoves the book at him with a half-shrug, "Whatever, dude. I got Anatomy."

Then he slams his locker shut and walks off. Bucky doesn't mind.

\- - -

"The white whale is a powerful symbol in the book, of nature and elements of life outside human control, as well as goals. To Ahab, killing the whale becomes the ultimate goal in his life."

Bucky doesn't take notes, just sits at the back of the class and cracks open Steve's mathbook to copy. He didn't even take home any books the night before, but Steve is a reliable source for math. His work is neat and even on the lines, and perfectly titled with the name of the chapter at the top.

Bucky takes out a clean sheet of paper.

"Melville may be implying that people in general need something to reach for in life, or that all-consuming goals can destroy one if allowed to overtake all other concerns."

Bucky starts copying number one. He's in honors English, but it's generally pretty boring. He has no interest in Moby Dick, and he doesn't really pretend to. So far as he can see it, Moby Dick has no applications to modern life. The only reason he read the book at all was because his mother and his English teacher are on good terms, and Phil watched him like a hawk the entire summer.

Bucky is certain his life would be way easier if his mom wasn't the principal.

\- - -

At lunch, Steve shares some more aspirin with Bucky and they half a brownie.

Sam eyes their sunglasses with an amused expression, "You guys are retarded. Was it even worth it to get so drunk?"

It was to Bucky, who can now say he knows exactly what it's like to fall asleep next to Steve Roger. But he doesn't say that, just watches as Steve picks all the peanuts out of his half of the brownie before he eats it.

"I had fun. Didn't you have fun?" Steve looks at the spaghetti Tony is eating with a disgusted expression and shoves the brownie in his mouth.

"But now you're taking aspirin like tic tacs."

"We've had this conversation a hundred times," Steve picks up Bucky's soda and takes a swig, then sets it down in front of him again, "I like drinking. I like getting drunk."

"Well, it's not good for you," Thor adds "Your liver is gonna be dead by the time we're twenty-five."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever..." Steve mutters, poking at the peanuts on the napkin in front of him.

"I had fun," Bucky says, trying to cheer Steve up.

Tony rolls his eyes and pops a meatball in his mouth, "Shut up, Freak."

\- - -

Bucky daydreams during his Study Hall that he and Steve didn't fall asleep on that bed.

He doesn't study. He fails his Anatomy test.

\- - -

"Okay, where're my shorts?" Bucky sighs with a long-suffering look in the direction of Tony.

They're supposed to be dressing for laps, since they have a race on the upcoming Friday and apparently they're all weak. But Bucky's basketball shorts are missing and he doesn't want to wear sweats.

No one acknowledges his question and Bucky can feel himself starting to blush, starting to tense up at the realization that he'll be the only one running in sweatpants, and that Nick will surely point it out. Repeatedly.

"Here, calm down," Steve mumbles and shoves his own pair into Bucky's hands.

Bucky blinks.

"We're best friends, remember? Now stop spazzing over a stupid pair of shorts and hurry up."

Steve drops his jeans and grabs his favorite pair of sneakers, lacing them on.

"What are you doing?" Bucky blanches.

"Running in my underwear, what's it look like?"

Steve's boxers are black with red star on the butt. Bucky tries not to stare, and finally just turns away to put on Steve's shorts.

"Hurry up." Steve walks out of the locker room and Bucky can't help but admire his confidence, that he can literally run around in his underwear and not care.

They've only just started running, Steve in the lead, when Nick notices.

"Rogers, what the fuck are you wearing?"

"Lost my shorts, coach. Too hot for sweats."

Bruce is at the end of the line of runners. He steps out and speeds up to take Steve's spot in the lead.

Nick just blinks, "Well, next time, wear real clothes."

Bucky watches Steve run and matches his pace exactly. Steve is like moving athletic art, a ripple of tan muscles that works perfectly. When it's his turn to burst to the front, Bucky tries to copy the exact way Steve runs.

"Barnes, good form!" Nick barks out from his spot across the track.

When Steve is in front again, he speeds up and they all have to match. A couple people are already sweating, but Steve's breathing is still even. He's untouchable.

Bucky wants to beat him.

Scott is the first to stop running five laps later. He's got a cold and seven is all he can take. Bruce drops out after twelve, then Thor and Tony drop back at fifteen. Then it's just Sam, Steve, and Bucky, the steady pounding of their sneakers as fast as Bucky's frantic pulse. He tries to control his breathing.

At the seventeen mark, Sam looks like he's about to pass out, "Fuck..." He pushes through half of eighteen and then he breaks off, panting hard, bent over with his hands on his knees.

Bucky and Steve stop rotating, running side by side as fast as they can. Eighteen, nineteen, twenty. They're breathing hard, but Steve is the running champion of the team, and he refuses to give up.

"On your right." Steve manages to push out.

Bucky doesn't waste much of his breath talking, say "On your left!" then just keeps running. He phases out, thinking of Steve's ass, Steve's thighs, Steve sleeping next to him in bed. He forgets he's running, forgets the pain. All he's thinking of is Steve.

Twenty-three.

"Stop running! You're both gonna cramp!"

They've slowed down, and each step is forced. Their breathing is loud and raspy, and Bucky can no longer ignore the burning pain in his chest telling him his heart is like, about to explode or something.

"Shit..." He wheezes.

They cross the halfway mark that of twenty-four and Steve just drops onto the grass next to the track, breathing hard.

Bucky wants to stop for him, but he has to win. He pushes and pushes and then he's pushed enough and finished lap twenty-four. He collapses onto grass in a similar fashion as Steve. His heart is definitely about to explode.

"Somebody go get Rogers," Nick mutters, and Sam jogs across the grassy center of the track to fetch his friend.

Steve's got a leg cramp, a bad one, and Sam carries him back.

"I told you this was gonna happen, did I not?" Nick nods his head and Sam drops Steve down onto the grass.

Steve just grunts, making a horrible face.

"Where's it hurt?"

Steve grunts again, but somehow Nick understands. Sighing, he grabs Steve's foot and pushes his leg straight up slowly, stretching the muscle.

"Stupid kids."

Bucky's chest is heaving and he gladly takes the bottle of water Thor tosses him, downing quite a bit of it in one go. Then he crawls over to Steve, too worn out to stand, and hands it over.

Steve is a good sport. He smirks slightly at Bucky and takes it.

\- - -

"Hey, I'm home!" Bucky heads straight for the kitchen, grabbing an apple from the bowl on the table and shining it on his jeans before he takes a bite.

"You're late."

Phil's voice is dangerous and Bucky turns with wide eyes, "Sorry, jeez. Steve offered to give me a ride home, but I had to wait for him to be ready."

This is not technically true. Bucky asked Steve to give him the ride and waited for him of his own free will.

"Your Anatomy teacher called." Bucky winces. "You failed your test."

"It was hard."

"James ! You told me you'd been studying!"

"I did!" He lies again.

Phil sighs.

"I did study! It was hard!"

"Where's your backpack?" Phil snaps.

Bucky blinks, "What?"

"Your backpack, James! Where is it? You haven't brought any books home for days, how are you doing your homework?" Bucky starts to answer but she doesn't want to hear it, "Go to your room NOW."

"Dad!"

"Don't talk back to me, Son!."

"Fine," Bucky grinds out, tossing his half-eaten apple in the trash can. He goes to his room and slams the door behind himself.

\- - -

Bucky lays face down on his bed in the light of a muted late night talk show and thinks of Steve running in his underwear. It makes Bucky smile and he closes his eyes.

Steve is so great it's unreal. Bucky is pretty sure he was beamed down from space or something. He swims and runs just as fast as Bucky, he lifts just as many weights. He's confident and sexy and gorgeous. He doesn't have any problems or emotional hang ups, he's always happy.

Bucky thinks if he could have Steve Rogers, he'd be happy, too.

\- - -

He wakes up Thursday and gets dressed quickly. It's becoming easier, like he's evolved into some kind of better, more stylish creature and now he can be that creature without any effort.

He decides to eat breakfast with his sister and mom for the first time in a week, sitting down at the table with themto partake in pancakes and bacon. Natasha picks at half a grapefruit and stares out the window.

"There's a meet tomorrow..." Bucky sips a his orange juice.

No one at the table reacts.

"It's the first meet of the season."

Still silence.

"I've been working really hard on my fly..."

When he still doesn't get his fathers's attention, Bucky goes outside to wait for Steve. If he doesn't want to go, he won't. He's too tired to change that.

\- - -

Steve's wearing his favorite pair of sneakers, the mustard yellow ones with the reflective sides. Bucky notices it right after practice, but the reason why is provided before he can ask.

"Hurry up and get dressed. We're going shopping."

Bucky blinks, "You and me?"

"No. You, me, and Sam You're my best friend, you have to go."

Bucky blinks again, "I don't have any money."

Steve sighs heavily, in a long-suffering way, "Stop making this difficult and GET DRESSED."

Bucky gets dressed. When he's ready, they all head outside and pile into Steve's Escalade. Bucky feels extremely cool to get the front seat, and immediately lame for actually feeling cool about something so dumb.

Sam and Steve are talking loudly about the meet the next day. It's a lot of trashtalk against the other players, barely heard over the pounding bass of Steve's rap. Bucky doesn't join in, more interested in dividing his time between looking out the window to see where they're going and staring at Steve's flawless profile.

Steve whips into the mall parking lot and swings into a spot. They all pile out and Steve leads the way. Bucky follows him and can't help but enjoy the view.

Steve doesn't shop at department stores. He chooses a glossy boutique called Winter’s and goes right inside. Bucky feels out of place, since he doesn't have a credit card of his own, or even cash. That, and the fact that the trendy girl behind the counter with pink hair is on a first name basis with Steve.

Steve and Sam try on item after item, a wave of vintage, velvet suit jackets and fedoras, giant sunglasses and neon sneakers. Graphic tees of women with their legs spread, a pair of jeans with a bright red rising sun sprayed across one pant leg, paired with a belt that costs more than Bucky's XBox.

Steve indulges in hats, a bag full of them. Bucky watches in silence until Steve turns on him.

"What are you doing?"

Bucky blinks, "I told you. No cash."

Steve rolls his eyes, "What're your sizes?"

After a long pause, Bucky tells him. The saleswoman is listening and she's at his side in a moment, "You'd look amazing in a charcoal gray."

Steve has disappeared and suddenly, Bucky is Barbie. The saleswoman picks him out a pair of trendy jeans and a t shirt,throws in a charcoal gray, pinstriped hoodie, a belt, and a pair of boots. Bucky sighs.

"I'm sorry, I don't-"

Suddenly, Sam and Steve are ready to go. Steve dumps all his stuff on the counter and indicates that Bucky should do the same. Then swipe it's done. Steve signs the receipt and looks bored as it gets bagged up.

Bucky stares at him. Steve just spent $700 on him.

"If you want to be my best friend, you've got to start dressing better."

Bucky looks down at his clothes.

"It's an improvement from before, but it can be better," Steve hands him a bag with his stuff in it and heads towards the entrance, "Let's roll. I'm feeling a pretzel from that place in the food court."

\- - -

"There's a party tonight," Steve informs him around a mouthful of pretzel, "I'll send somebody to pick you up at midnight."

Sam glances up from his phone, "Wear the new jeans."

Bucky has a feeling that Sam is Steve's confidant, that he knows about the bet. He didn't bat an eye at Steve's comment in the store about if Bucky 'wanted to be [Steve's] best friend.' He nods mutely, choosing not to ask about it, "Okay."

Steve nods back and eats more pretzel.

\- - -

"You're late again, Bucky."

Phil is waiting for him at the table. Bucky ignores his comment, "Where's Natasha?"

"Visiting Clint. You're late, James. And-" He stops, looking at the Winter’s bag, "What's that?"

"Clothes," Bucky opens the fridge and gets out a Red Bull. He's not supposed to have them after 5:00. He pops the top and swigs.

"Winter’s? That place in the mall? Where'd you get that kind of money son?"

"I didn't, Steve bought them for me," It feels good to say, to wrap his tongue around the words 'Steve' and 'for me.'

Phil stares, "James... you have to return those. You can't-"

"I like them. And he wanted me to have them, he paid for them and everything."

"James Barnes, you can't let him buy you."

"I'm not!" He chugs the rest of the Red Bull, feeling the burn of it in his veins already, "You just don't like him because he's not some nerd like me. Well, I'm tired of being a nerd. I want to be cool. And Steve makes me cool."

Phil sighs, "James, you were fine the way you were."

"I like the way I am now."

There's a full silence between them and then Phil pulls something out of his pocket and lays it on the table. It's rectangular, and shiny.

"Here. If you're going to be late, please call Natasha."

Then he gets up and retreats to the study, closing the door softly behind him.

Bucky looks at the phone, then picks it up and slips it into his pocket.

\- - -

At the party, Bucky gets his drink on. He feels cool in his new jeans, with girls flirting with him. Natasha isn't at this party, and there's some freedom in that. Bucky doesn't know where he is or who he's grinding against. He's moved on from punch to real drinks, and someone is sucking on the side of his neck and he doesn't know who.

He's a little drunk and then he's on a couch and Steve is teaching him how to smoke, passing a blunt to him. Then Bucky is laughing at stuff that isn't funny and watching the world float by in slow motion. He and Steve and a bunch of other guys giggle together in the kitchen of a stranger's house and eat a whole box of Rice Krispies, then go back to drinking.

Bucky gets sick on their lawn, then falls asleep on the couch. He wakes up in the back of Thor's car, and he has to get help to scale the tree and get back in his room.

He falls asleep at 5:45 in the morning. He wakes up at 6:30, downs three aspirin and a Red Bull, then heads out the door.

He's cool.

___________________________________________________________

"Meet's today," Bucky reminds everyone at the table, making lakes and rivers in his oatmeal with the bowl of the spoon, watching as they flood with brown sugar milk.

"Eat your oatmeal," Phil doesn't look up from his book.

For someone that just threw up fifteen minutes ago, oatmeal does not look very appealing. Bucky keeps playing with it.

"I'd like it if you-"

"James Barnes, I have come to every single swim meet in this family since your mother died. Now eat your oatmeal."

Bucky takes a bite just for him, then sees the clock.

"Shit!" He jumps up, rushing to the trashcan to dump his leftover oatmeal in before he drops the bowl in the sink.

"Language," Phil absently comments, used to the occasional slip-ups by now.

He runs out the door, shoving his sunglasses on and pulling his hair up.

\- - -

In homeroom, there's a gallon jug of water waiting on the teacher's desk with his name on it in Sharpie.

She doesn't look up from roll call, just pushes it towards him, "Hydrate."

Bucky is confused.

"Hydrate," She repeats, glancing up at him, "Drink it. All day, the entire gallon."

Bucky blinks.

She goes back to what she's doing, "Welcome to high school sports."

After he sits down, Bucky unscrews the top and drinks.

\- - -

"God, I have to PISS!" Steve announces in the middle of the hallway. Girls giggle.

Bucky feels his pain. The water makes them have to pee every ten seconds. He silently accepts the half-empty water jug Steve tosses to him and watches with fond amusement as he ducks into the men's bathroom.

Bucky leans against the wall by the door and drinks his own water. It's hard to just keep drinking when he's not thirsty, but he figures that's the point. That he's not thirsty at all. Isn't that the definition of hydrated or something?

Steve emerges from the bathroom and reaches for his water. Bucky holds it hostage.

"Did you wash your hands?"

Steve grabs the jug, "Yes, I washed my hands. I'm not ten." He unscrews the cap and takes a drink, then screws it back on and starts walking.

They're heading to lunch. For once, Steve has brought a lunch, which Bucky finds odd. When they reach the lunchroom, he watches with interest as Steve pulls out what appears to be leftovers with a look of joy on his face.

Tony smiles, "Your dad's home." It's not a question.

Steve smiles too, and Bucky's heart bangs against the inside of his chest. Steve looks so happy, like a child.

"Yeah. dad came home just for the meet and Brocks soccer game," He opens the container, revealing professional-looking food: a carefully grilled chicken breast arranged on vegetables with a sauce on top.

Tony's eyes blanket over and he goes expressionless, "Oh. That's great."

Steve is too busy smiling and carefully cutting up his chicken to notice the change, "Yeah. He is staying all weekend."

Sam picks up the empty space of Tony's silence, "Awesome."

Bucky can't help but ask, "Where were he?"

Everyone falls dead silent but Steve, who remains oblivious in his happy bubble.

"Dad works in Washington, he's a lawyer. My mom is a dead."

Bucky can feel a bristle at the table from the other swimmers “ I’m so sorr-”.

"Dad is very busy," Steve says cutting Bucky off, and it sounds so Little Kid. Like something he's been saying his entire life.

"Yeah," Tony says, drinking some water, "Very busy."

"So Brock is your brother?"

"Yeah adopted bother. He's thirteen."

Bucky blinks.

Tony shares a dark look with Bucky, "Then there's Jack."

More table-bristling.

Steve smiles fondly, talking about his siblings, "He's four."

Bucky chokes on his food, "What?! You take care of a four year-old?!"

He can see the moment where Steve goes defensive, "The nanny watches him during the day."

Bucky assumes the same nanny takes Brock to school. He doesn't want to ask.

Steve seems less excited about his homemade chicken now. Bucky feels bad.

There's a full silence at the table, with Steve looking at his food with a blank face, until Bucky says, "It's so cool that your Dad made that, it looks professional."

Steve smiles, "Yeah. he's a good cook. But I don't get to eat his cooking very often."

"He is a very busy person," The other swimmers inform Bucky in unison.

\- - -

"Wait," Bucky says in the hallway, unable to drop the subject, "So those parties we had at your house, Jack and Brock were there?"

"No. Brock was at a sleepover and the nanny watches Jack some nights a week, she comes and picks him up."

Bucky wants to think it's too bad to be true, but he's heard worse things. And the way Steve says it all, like he's been saying it with the same quiet confidence his whole life, makes it believable.

Steve continues without prompting, and then they've reached Spanish and he stops talking.  
"On Sunday, the nanny's day off, I take Jack and Brock to IHOP for pancakes."

Bucky looks at him and feels suddenly very sad. He wants to give Steve a hug, tell him it's not fair that he,and a nanny are raising two boys, that he got raised the same way.

"Dad makes better pancakes, but-"

"He's very busy," Bucky finishes  
\- - -

Bucky manages to force down his last swallow of water just as he reaches the locker room.

Nick is waiting there for them, taking up empty jugs. Bucky hands his over with pride and goes to his locker to change into the school jacket and sweats, complete with his team t shirt.

There's a pep rally, and it's going to be the first one he's ever been to. Eleventh grade and he's never been to a school pep rally. His life used to suck.

\- - -

They walk out into the gym in a nearly random order, mostly based on how fast they respectively changed.

Bucky is walking just fine until he reaches the mats the cheerleaders do their stunts on, which they have to cut across to get to their seats. He stumbles and feels a hand steady him by the hip. Then it's gone and Steve brushes past him to get a good seat in the front.

Bucky resumes breathing.

The entire pep rally, Steve scans the crowd for his dad, barely remembering to stand when they call out the names of everyone on the team.

Near the end, Tony rubs Steve's back and Bucky hears him mumble, "He is probably just late."

Steve leaves the gym first.

\- - -

"So," Thor says cheerfully in the locker room, "We've got an hour. Who wants to go get pizza?"

Steve changes back into his street clothes and doesn't answer.

"I'll go," Bruce chimes in, and Thor rolls his eyes. Bruce doesn't even eat fast food.

Tony goes over to Steve and they have a short conversation in low voices. Then Tony glances at the group, "Go on without us."

Bucky is curious, but he wasn't invited to Steve and Tony's tight conversation, so he follows the group.

\- - -

At the pizza place, Thor eyes Bruce’s salad with distaste, but when he opens his mouth, it's not to talk about dietary choices.

"I'm pumped about the extra dose of meet stress we just got."

Scott rolls his eyes, picking pepperoni off his pizza slice and eating them first, "Seriously."

"What extra stress?" Bucky asks. All the cryptic comments from the team are getting old fast. He devours a slice of pizza.

Scott grunts and doesn't reply, so Thor takes hold, "The extra stress of watching Steve Rogers kick Steve's ass if we lose."

Sam slaps him upside the head, "Hey, watch your mouth."

Bucky feels like he just heard something he was never supposed to hear. Sam glances at him briefly, then glares at Thor.

"What? It's true..." Thor mutters, eating a mozzarella stick.

"Shut up. If Steve-"

"Well, Steve's not here, is he?! I like him just as much as you, but if it's true, it's true!"

"If he finds out you said that-"

Bucky cuts in, "I won't tell."

There are several beats of silence, and then Sam looks at him in a different way than before, a way that makes Bucky feel... discovered.

"No. You won't."

\- - -

"Natasha!" Bucky yells, running across the parking lot to stop her before she can enter the pool facility.

It's 4:35, and he's going to be late to warm-up, but this is important.

"Natasha," He says again, taking her arm and pulling her off to the side.

"What?" She glances back over her shoulder and waves her friends on without her.

"Tell me what you know about Steve's parents."

A dark cloud shadows Natasha's face and she tries to back away, but Bucky holds her arm.

"Oh... Bucky..." She looks back towards the door.

"Natasha."

There's a pause, and then she's pushing him towards the bushes, hiding them. He goes along with it, and when they're out of sight, she speaks to him in a low voice.

"Who told you about Steve's parents?"

"Steve did. At lunch. But I want to know more."

Another pause, then she sighs.

"Natasha," Bucky stiffens awkwardly, "You know why I really want to know. Just, tell me. I won't say anything to anyone."

Silence passes between them and then Natasha speaks.

"I didn't know until I started dating Clint..."

~ ~ ~

"Dammit, Steven."

Clint hears the boom of Alexander Pierce’s voice echoing off the lockers and tiles. He's late to change, too busy flirting with Natasha Romanoff on deck to keep track of himself.

"I tried," Steve says, and his voice is steady and sure.

Clint is attracted to the situation like a car crash. He peeks around a row of lockers to watch, staring at the scene before him.

Despite Steve's strong voice, his body language is scared. He's shrunk away from his father, standing there in his underwear, and Alexander Pierce looms over him, pinstriped gray suit flawless and intimidating.

"You call that trying? We don't TRY, we succeed."

"I can't control the other people on the relay-"

Alex grabs Steve by the hair and drags him forward. Clint winces at Steve's yelping, the same sound a puppy makes when the others turn on him. He winces, but he can't look away.

"Then what did I make you captain for? What did I donate for, huh? I didn't do that to AMUSE myself, Steve. Do I look AMUSED?" He yanks Steve's head back and his son yelps again, "You should spend less time with your fag drawings and more time in the water."

Steve is a rock. Steve doesn't cry.

"Third place. Third place isn't good enough."

"I tried dad!" Steve says, and Clint winces at the sound, "I tried!"

Then Clint has to look away at what Alex does next. The sound of it is wet and sickening, it makes his stomach turn. He looks away and he feels like a coward.

"I'll see you at home. We'll finish this there and I’m not your dad."

Clint barely shrinks into the shadows before Alex stalks past him. Then he hears it, the sound of Steve coughing, the scrape of his fingernails on the metal of the lockers. Steve spits, and then he just breathes.

Clint feels like a coward, and he is closer to crying than the one spitting up blood.

~ ~ ~

"And he just walked away?" Bucky is angry.

Natasha averts her gaze until Bucky has calmed down, "What was he supposed to do? Run in and say, 'Hey, your step-dad hits you. Let's talk?'" She shakes her head, "It's not like that. It can't be like that."

"It should be!"

Natasha pins him with her sharp gaze, "It can't be. Steve would hate that, you know he would. You're not stupid."

A full silence passes between them.

\- - -

After warm ups, Bucky is busy checking his sheet for the 300th time to make sure he has his events right. When he hears the rest of the team stop breathing he looks up.

They're recognizable immediately, and just like he imagined.

Alexander Pierce bustles his way to seats in the front row, near the end of the lanes so he can see the winner. His black suit and black tie are somber, his face set in a hard outer shell that makes him look angry all the time.

 

Two rows back, a richly colored, dark-haired Cuban woman sits down with a sleepy four year-old and a small dark haired boy. The latter looks very excited to be there.

When Steve sees his family, the people he's literally waited all day to lay eyes on, he doesn't look as happy as Bucky expected. Instead, he just looks like he's dreading something.

Coach interrupts Bucky's thoughts with a slap on the back.

"Nervous?"

"No."

"Not even a little?"

"...No."

Steve snaps out of his head and glances over at them, "He's swum before, why should he be?"

Then Bucky has to leave, running to get in place for the 200 Medley.

\- - -

Bucky doesn't get to see a whole lot of Steve, other than a blue of skin jogging past him on deck and a wet body up in the stands by his little brothers eating a cookie.

They don't swim together until the last event, the 400 Free Relay. Bucky is second leg and Steve is last. Bucky has the feeling, after Natasha's story, that Steve is always last. It's the position with the most control. Like maybe if they're losing, he can tell himself to push harder.

Sam is first leg, and he and Steve bump fists before he gets up on the block. The whistle blows and he's in.

Steve screams the loudest, but it's all sort of a blur for Bucky, and then he's on block and in the water and he realizes halfway back how hard he's pushing, for Steve. Because he won't be able to sleep tonight if they lose the relay.

He doesn't keep track of when the next person jumps in, climbing out of the water quickly. Steve is on block and then he's in and all Bucky can think to do is breathe. And pray.

They win the relay. A hollow victory, as Steve doesn't smile, just looks towards the stands to better take in the look of angry disappointment on his father's face.

\- - -

In the locker room, Bucky finds himself getting a wet hug, a blond head on his shoulder. He wraps his arms around Steve because he has to and because he wants to. 

Steve speaks first, "Good job on the relay. I'm... glad you're on the team." He pulls away to keep the hug from being too awkward and moves on to Sam.

Bucky turns towards his locker, hiding his face in it, and is embarrassed by how turned on he is. Steve's body was warm and hard, all compact muscle. He can still feel the shape of Steve pressed against him, but he almost feels guilty for thinking about it. Steve is happy to have won, to have less fear, and all Bucky can think about is kissing him.

Bucky knows Natasha and her friends will be celebrating, and that his dad will probably be expecting him at home, so he turns to Steve after nearly everyone is gone and asks him for a ride. Steve says yes and then it's just a matter of waiting for him to finish getting dressed.

Steve looks at his phone after a minute, and stiffens, "Go out to the car."

Bucky blinks in response, "What? Why?"

"I'll be right out."

"But-"

"Just go."

Bucky wants to stay, wants to tell Steve he knows, but he can't protect him. If he stops Steve now, then who will stop him when Steve gets home. Bucky goes out to the parking lot because Steve has asked him to, but his steps are heavy.

\- - -

It rains.

Bucky learns something about rain: you only care when you're dry. He's already wet from the pool, so by the time his clothes get wet, he's stopped caring. So he waits in the rain, sitting on the cement block in front of Steve's car that marks the parking spaces while he waits hair dripping.

He waits for thirty minutes and fifteen seconds, even though he could just call a ride. He won't do that, though. He can't.

He waits for thirty minutes and fifteen seconds and then Steve comes outside.

Bucky can't see anything until Steve gets closer, under the streetlight. And then it hurts, worse than he thought it would.

Maybe it's the look on Steve's face, like everything he dreamt about is over, or maybe it's the blood pouring from his mouth, but Bucky loves him. He looks at Steve, at the shame on his face.

"I love you. I've loved you since fifth grade."

Steve spits blood. Bucky notes that he doesn't spit out teeth.

"I know you hate me, I know you don't want to know, but..." Bucky pushes back wet hair to keep it from dripping down his face, "I have to tell you. I love you. It's not a crush anymore."

"My dad took my keys," Steve says, and Bucky doesn't feel like he's avoiding the topic at all.

"That's okay. I'll walk with you."

Steve nods, "I know you will."


	8. Boy behind the mask Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is a popular high school swimmer and Bucky is fresh meat will a Spark happen.

On Saturday, he rides his old bike into town and that's where they see each other. Steve is trying his best to hide under a hat and hood, but Bucky could recognize him anywhere, and when he sees one tan left hand forking over enough cash for a small cup of ice cream, he stops.

When Steve steps out of Marvel Flavors, Bucky is waiting. He looks ten times worse than he did in the rain, and Bucky says it before he can stop himself.

"Why?"

Steve shrugs and they walk together. He keeps his head ducked so it's in shadow, and after a minute, he offers Bucky his ice cream and they share it. Bucky notes that Steve picked a sour flavor.

"Can I look at it?"

"I'd rather no one looked at it," Steve says, stabbing ice cream with the spoon. After a long stretch of silence, he ducks into an alley and takes off his baseball hat.

Bucky's brain skids to a stop as he stares at Steve's hair.

His HAIR.

"Steve."

Steve looks down and away, "Just look at my face and get it over with."

So Bucky does. His lip is swollen, his cheekbone, too. There's dried blood around his nose, but Bucky chooses not to point it out. Maybe his face hurts too much to scrub with a rag.

"How bad's it look?" Steve asks, and Bucky gets why he would care. Steve obviously isn't the type to broadcast events to the uninformed.

Bucky honestly considers for a minute, "Not so bad. Nothing's broken."

"You think it'll be okay by Monday?"

"Maybe..." Bucky ghosts his fingers over the side of Steve's neck, something he's always wanted to do, and Steve doesn't step away. He just eats more icecream, "Have you taken anything?"

"Nothing to take."

There's a pause between them, then Bucky starts walking, "Where's your car?"

"Same place it was last night," Steve shoves his hat back on and flips his hood up. His ruined face drops into dark shadow and Bucky tries not to look pitying.

As they're walking, Steve's stomach growls and Bucky glances at him. He wants to ask, but he won't, and they continue to walk in silence.

Bucky couldn't exactly tell anyone why they're walking together, or why he was willing to leave his bike chained up outside Marvel Flavors just so he could walk a couple blocks with Steve and gawk at his face. He thinks it might have something to do with the fact that he professed his love the night before and, so far, Steve hasn't reacted.

"Let's go in here," Steve says, trotting across the street to a furniture store.

Bucky starts to point out that they won't allow ice cream in there, but then he remembers who he's with and shuts up.

Steve chooses the squishiest leather couch in the entire store and lounges on it, dropping his hood to look at his face in a display mirror.

"I look like a zombie. I'm purple."

Bucky knows he should shut up and let Steve forget what he said, but he can't. He's not like that, and he can't let Steve be this asshole who ignores something until it's convenient for him to notice it. He can't and he won't.

"Steve, I love you."

"There's blood on my nose."

"STEVE, I love you. I'm in love with you."

"I think I have a cracked rib."

"STEVE!" Bucky snatches the ice cream from him and sets it on the three thousand dollar coffee table to his left, dropping his voice at the last second, "Steve."

They look at each other and Steve's face is blank, "I know you're in love with me. You've said it enough times, I'm not deaf."

Bucky blinks.

"Lots of people say they love me. It's great that you think so too, I'm really happy for you. Okay?"

And then it clicks, like puzzle pieces sliding into place. Steve isn't just beautiful for their high school, he's actually beautiful in comparison to thousands and millions of people. He's not the prettiest athlete on the team, he's a genuinely attractive person in comparison to an entire planet of people.

Bucky isn't the first person to claim he's in love. Maybe he's the first to be serious about it, and maybe he's not, but expecting Steve to instinctively know the difference and react to it is asking a lot.

"Anyway," Steve says, missing Bucky's dilemma entirely, "Are you gonna buy me something to eat, or do I have to go into death throes first?"

Bucky blinks again, "Buy it yourself."

"Can't. I spent my last 55 cents and two Xanax on ice cream."

Bucky makes a swiping motion and Steve rolls his eyes.

"Yeah. Because my wallet totally wasn't in my locked car. Great plan, Sargent. Why do-"

Bucky interrupts, "Why don't we go break into your car?"

\- - -

It's totally in the name of love.

"Do you know how to do this?"

"Look, your life is exciting. Mine usually isn't. Don't push it, okay?"

Steve grins, "You're a man of many skills. Got it."

Bucky wiggles the door stopper into the crack of the door, then leaves it there, tying his hair tie on the tip of the metal coat hanger.

Steve, for his part, leans against the door and lets the sun hit his bruised face. Bucky tries not to stare.

The coat hanger slides through and the hard part is over, now it's just a matter of wiggling it around until he can press the unlock.

"I love you."

Steve sighs and rolls his eyes, "Not this again."

"I do. I really love you. I have-"

"Since fifth grade, yeah, I heard."

"Can't you just-"

"I'm not going to sleep with you just because you said you love me."

Bucky's face flames red, "That's not what I was going to say."

Steve shrugs.

"Well, you can't get rid of me. We made a bet. I'm your best friend for another week."

The car unlocks. Steve opens the door and gets spare keys out of the glove compartment.

"You keep spares IN the car?"

Steve doesn't answer, "Look, you wanna be my best friend? Get in."

"Why?"

"We're going to my house."

Bucky is suddenly afraid.

\- - -

In the light of day, Steve's house is majestic.

Bucky can't think of another word for it, with the gently sloping, manicured lawn and the white pillars in front. The brick gleams, and carefully tended ivy coats the front. Bucky can distinguish which window is Steve's with his memory, and he looks at it with a sense of foreboding.

Steve parks crookedly in the drive and gets out. They've barely taken two steps when a small boy in pajamas runs outside and proceeds to climb Steve's left leg.

"Rrrrr."

His hair is dark. Steve picks him up and holds him on a hip like he's the mom and it's his baby. Bucky feels suddenly sad at the image it creates.

"Hey, Jack. This is Bucky."

Jack looks at Bucky, then sticks his thumb in his mouth and sucks.

"Where's nanny?"

Jack makes a sound around his fist, "Wuuhg." He doesn't appear to speak even simple words. Bucky thinks he can figure out why without the help of a therapist.

Steve is the mom. He immediately understands his little brother's baby talk and they head out back to the pool.

And there she is, lounging by the water. Jack squirms and Steve lets him down so he can crawl onto the deck chair with the nanny. He puts a hand on her stomach and she slaps it away.

"Jack, I’m trying to tan."

He sucks his thumb, "Luh."

"Jill," Steve glances at his baby brother, "This is Bucky. My friend Bucky."

She adjusts her sunglasses, "That's nice."

Jack crawls on top of her and she pushes him back off, "Luuhh."

Bucky longs to reach out and pick the child up. His arms twitch.

"He's on the swim team. He's second best to me."

Bucky isn't distracted by the compliment. Jack repeats his slur again and reaches for the nanny’s necklace. She slaps his hand away with an annoyed sound and Jack's face crumples. He repeats the slur again, "Luh."

"What is he saying?!" Jill the “nanny” snaps, and then she pushes Jack off the chair, moving so that her hip blocks him from climbing up again.

Steve snatches his brother up protectively, "He's saying love. He loves you."

"Well I’m not his real mother, teach him to say REAL words if he wants attention. I came here to relax with your father, not to decipher baby talk."

Jack cries silently and sucks his thumb. Steve shakes, with anger or hurt, Bucky isn't sure, and holds his brother close, "He loves you."

She waves a hand, "Take your little friend inside and show him some hospitality, I’m officially off duty your father is treating me to dinner. Stop being rude and leave me alone."

Jack clings to Steve as they go inside. And there he is, Alexander Pierce Steve’s step farther. Sitting at the table with a stack of paperwork and turkey sandwich that looks professionally made.

He glances up at the three of them with a look of disdain, "There you are." His eyes slide to Jack, "With the baby. Surprise, surprise."

Bucky fears him, and he feels like an idiot for fearing him.

"You're not a fag or a woman, where's that stupid fucking nanny? I didn't bring you into this world to raise children, you're a man, not a cunt."

Bucky goes slack-jawed.

Steve hands Jack over to Bucky and says nothing, going over to the fridge and opening it to get out a sippy cup of juice, "She is outside laying in the sun, said she was off duty cause your both going out."

Jack sucks his thumb and keeps his eyes glued to Steve.

Alexander scowls, "You're raising the boy to be a fag, he's old enough to walk, and it’s none of your business what me and that nanny do so don’t try and be smart boy." And then he's looking at Bucky, "Put him down."

Steve tenses.

"Put him down, kid. He's not yours, he's mine, now put him down."

Bucky's arms shake as he sets Jack down. The boy immediately starts to cry.

Alexander stands up, grabbing a stack of papers, and goes over to Steve, "And he doesn't need goddamn juice, you're not his fucking mother, put it back. If he wants juice, he can find the goddamn nanny and ask for it."

When Bucky looks down, Jack is gone and his heart stops, eyes rising to where the child is standing, two inches from Steve's right leg.

He pulls on the fabric, tears on his face, "Daa.. luh."

It happens so fast, Bucky can't stop it. Alexander grabs Jack by the shirt and shoves him hard, uncaring at the way his own child knocks into the tiles.

Bucky stumbles back, horrified, as Jack starts to cry.

"Teach that kid to fucking talk. And do something about your goddamn face." And then he's gone and Bucky is frozen.

Steve crouches, scooping Jack up and cradling him. He glares at Bucky, "Get the fucking juice, okay?"

Bucky picks it up in shocked silence and follows Steve as they take a back way to the stairs and retreat to his room.

\- - -

Jack falls asleep on Steve's stomach with the sippy cup in his mouth instead of his thumb. He's absolutely adorable, and seeing him with Steve makes Bucky have his first 'I wish I had kids' moment in his entire life. His real dad kind of spoiled it for him, and he mumbles as much under his breath.

Steve hears him and glances up from where he's been rubbing Jack's head, "Why'd he leave?"

"He was in the war and him and my mom always fought," Bucky frowns, laying back on Steve's pillows, "I feel dumb just thinking about it."

"What?"

"It makes me feel dumb. I was the oldest of three other siblings but ... it was like they never got it. And I just couldn't let it go. Even after he was gone, and my mom had died we got put up for adoption. I kept expecting him to show up and take us home but it never happened we all got separated. That’s when Phil adopted me after he adopted Natasha from a Russian orphanage. I remember I had one bag with me a pair of clothes, and the handmade magnet for my mom. As I got older I would wish for him to come to one of my swim meets and he didn't and it was just like... I thought he'd always be there for me, for us, and everyone but i figured out that it just wasn't going to work that way."

Steve rubs Jack's back thoughtfully for a moment, "That's not dumb. It SHOULD be that way, he should be there for you fuck he is your dad. And it should be hard to understand that he's not there, and someone else took on the responsibility. As I’m trying to say is his fucking loss that he left you and your family to get torn apart, but be grateful that you have Natasha and Phil more than I have now. "

They lay in silence for awhile, then Bucky sighs, "I'm sorry about your face, Steve."

Steve nods, "I'm sorry too, Buck."

\- - -

Bucky meets Brock exactly thirty minutes later, when some woman drops him off. The moment the front door closes, Steve knows his brother is home, and he slides Jack off him and onto the bed.

"Cocktail hour."

A few moments later, a little Brunette walks in with a scraped knee. He's wearing a soccer uniform, and Bucky is now even more aware of who is mommy AND daddy and who is just occasionally there.

"S-Steve, I fell."

"Okay, come here," Steve picks Brock up too, just like that, and sits him on the bed. Nodding his head at Bucky, he inspects the knee, "This is Bucky. He's nice."

Brock glances at him briefly, then speaks to Steve, "Peter parker pushed me down."

"Well, ' Peter Parkers older brother should have a talk with Peter."

Bucky grins.

Steve goes into his bathroom and comes out with some kind of spray disinfectant. Brock grimaces, but it doesn't sting. Downstairs, a group of people is laughing uproariously, and the phrase 'cocktail hour' is suddenly clear to Bucky.

Brock reaches out to Jack, "Jack's got a bump on his head."

Steve sighs, "I know."

"Well, maybe you should spray that stuff on it."

"It doesn't need to be sprayed."

Jack is a quiet child. He opens his eyes at the commotion and just looks at them, "Luu."

Brock picks up the sippy cup, "When's he gonna learn to talk?"

"Don't make fun of him," Steve comments automatically, unlacing Brock's cleats before he can pull his feet onto the bed.

"I wasn't. I was just saying."

"I didn't learn to talk until I was six," Bucky says.

"See, Jack, maybe you'll be like that!" Brock exclaims.

Steve smiles.

\- - -

"Well, how'd you like them?" Steve asks sarcastically later, as he's driving Bucky home, Brock babysitting Jack in Steve's bedroom.

"Your Nanny's a piece of work. Your dad is terrifying," Bucky answers honestly.

Steve nods.

"But... you were so excited for him to be here..."

Steve shrugs, "It's like you and your dad. Like Jack. I just don't get it. I don't think I ever will."

Bucky looks at his face, at the blood around his nose, "Brock looks okay. Jack, too, except for the bump."

Steve's eyes are suddenly glued to the road, not wanting to admit how he handles the situation, "I know."

"It almost seems like you pr-"

"I know," Steve says, shutting him up.

They finish the drive in silence.


	9. Boy behind the mask Part 4 Steve POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well her is the last Chapter till i get to an airport then i will upload then off to europe!!!! enjoy and its FINALLY STEVE"S POV!!!!!! here is what is making steve into a total ass sorry its very short!

Steve comes home to the sound of crying. Lots of crying.

The nanny Jill is drunk and asleep on the couch. The crying is from his two brothers. Brock's almost a scream, and Jack's quiet. He's always so quiet.

Jack was alone a lot as a baby. Steve couldn't take care of him properly and the nanny was in the hospital for two months. Steve tried, he really did, but his mother was dead and he was left with his new stepdad and two new step brothers

Steve can't forgive himself, even though it isn't his fault.

His step father is red-faced and drunk, and he's holding Brock tight by the forearm and yelling at him. Steve doesn't ask why they came downstairs, doesn't want to know what's happening. He pushes his dad and suddenly attention is on him.

"Get," Steve commands, and Brock runs upstairs.

Alexander doesn't notice. His eyes are on his oldest stepson.

\- - -

When Steve comes upstairs, nose dripping blood again, a little body latches onto his leg.

"Rrrrr..." 

Steve takes one little hand, damp from thumb-sucking, and walks slower, leading Jack into his room, where Brock is laying across the bed.

\- - -

"It's not so bad, right?"

Brock pokes at the food Steve stole from the kitchen. They're eating it right out of the cans, hiding in Steve's bathroom.

"Right?"

Brock shrugs, "You tasted it."

Depression hits Steve like a wave and, in front of his injured stepbrothers, it's okay for him to cry a little. Jack offers Steve his sippy cup and Steve sniffs and takes it just to make him happy, "Thanks."

Jack pats Steve's leg and sucks his thumb, "Luhh."


	10. One step forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY!!!! guess who is back! ME!!!! thanks for all the kudos and awesome momments i love you all!!! well sad news i had to cut my vacation short two weeks cause im having really bad wisdom teeth pain so i have to have surgery on friday :( ...... so being the amazing person i am ive written a LONG chapter to say thank you and to say sorry i will be inactive for two weeks. so i know some are confused about the MUM situation well i put the response in one of my comment reply's if u wanna read it ill try and update it later.... love you all and thanks!!!!
> 
>  
> 
> well here is a little background on the mums..... Bucky and Nat have no mum.... Nat was adopted and so was Bucky.... coulson is the adoptive father and his wife died when before Nat got adopted...... on steves part..... His mum remarried Pierce who had Brock and Jake from a previous marriage....... a few yrs later about 2 Steve's real mom died from "unknown" issues...... now pierce is seeing the babysitter.

Monday morning, Steve's car.

They don't say anything about what's already been said. They actually don't say anything at all, and Steve picks up Sam and Tony in equal silence. Tony is half-sulking, and Bucky is pretty sure it has something to do with Steve more-or-less refusing to talk about his face or his hair.

Over the weekend, a new trend has moved into the school: animal bracelets. Colorful rubber bands shaped like zoo animals and pets adorn every popular wrist, given out by the girls. Bucky watches in homeroom as Steve gets his pick of the cutest ones; a hippo, a flamingo, a bunny, and a rhino. Purple, pink, blue, green. On his wrist, they just look like slightly wrinkled rubber bands.

They look like that on everyone, but Bucky is still hurt when no one offers him one. He's a swimmer too, but it's almost like everyone knows it doesn't really count. So he doesn't get a bracelet and by the end of homeroom, when the hallways fill with students, he can see them on every popular person's wrist, a rainbow of pigs and cats and turtles. And it's stupid, but he's jealous.

And he feels stupid for BEING jealous.

\- - -

In Spanish, quizzes are handed back. Bucky frowns at his zero and flips the paper over before Steve can see it.

"Fall off your motorbike again, Steven?" The teacher says, looking at his bruised face, "That doesn't look so good."

"Nah, not this time," Steve grins, "Got in a fight over the weekend with a friend of mine over this girl we know. No big deal though, we're like, over it."

Bucky watches as the teacher frowns, watches as she makes the decision not to push it, not to butt into Steve's weekend life. Bucky has to admit that the story is believable enough.

"Well, I like your new hair."

Steve smiles, "Yeah. I was thinking it was time for something new."

When she's gone, Steve turns to him, "Nosy bitch. What'd you make?"

Bucky pretends not to hear either comment.

Steve waits three seconds, "Are you like, mad at me or something?"

Bucky isn't mad at Steve, he's mad at himself. For failing a test and for failing at being popular.

"C'mon, what the heck, Buck?"

He's only willing to tell Steve about one of those. So, ducking his head, Bucky shrugs, "I... didn't get a bracelet. And everybody else got one."

Steve rolls his eyes, "That's it?"

"Yeah," Bucky lies smoothly.

"Fine," And then Steve is extending his arm, wrist up, and peeling off a rubber band, "Here, you can have my hippo."

Bucky practically kills himself for somehow finding the exchange of rubber bands romantic. Because it's not. Because Steve doesn't like him.

\- - -

All day long, Bucky listens to Steve tell the same story over and over. Their fellow students flesh out the details all on their own.

The girl's name was Lauren, and the friend was some loser from the next county over that Steve hung out with in grade school. The fight happened outside the movie theater, and Steve won.

By the end of the day, students are claiming they witnessed it.

Something about the situation, to Bucky, is very tragic.

\- - -

He talks to Sam at lunch, while Steve is distracted.

"Why don't we do something? How can all of you know about it and not-"

"What do you want us to do? Team up and go murder him? A couple years back, some mom called social services and nothing ever happened. He's a lawyer, he's never gonna lose custody."

Bucky frowns.

"Besides, Steve doesn't want to leave. Maybe we all wish he would, but he won't. He loves him," Sam shrugs, "Alexander is his only parent now.”

"But-"

"Look, if you want to murder the guy, go ahead. But it's not going to make you Steve's hero. No matter how much of an asshole the guy is, Steve still loves him."

"I can't just sit around and do nothing."

They sit in silence for a moment, then Sam sighs, "It sucks, okay? It sucks to know. But there's nothing to do. Everything we can do, we've done."

Bucky looks at Steve and sighs, "It's not fair."

It's really just NOT.

\- - -

The hot gossip: who gave who an animal bracelet.

Apparently, Natasha and Sharon both got a bracelet from Sam, who got bracelets from anonymous girls in his homeroom. When Peggy sees the purple band on Bucky's left wrist in history, she pounces.

"Where'd you get a hippo?!"

Bucky is well aware that zoo animals are cooler than pets, because Steve got three zoo animals. That's why they're cooler. He bites his lip.

"Who gave it to you?"

The other girls are looking now, waiting to see what girl has a crush on Bucky big enough to warrant the passing on of a hippo.

"...Steve did."

Awkward blinks all around, then Peggy backs off, "Oh."

Just 50 minutes later, Steve catches him by the back of the jacket in the hallway and Bucky can see the scrutinizing expression on Peggy's face as she walks past.

"Hey, sub in English today," He slings his arm across Bucky's shoulders, "Can I copy your math homework?"

It's starting to be easier to say, "I didn't do it."

"Oh. Well, shit. Whatever." Steve doesn't care enough to try to do it himself, "Anyway, I got Anatomy."

Bucky sighs.

\- - -

In math, Bucky spends the entire period drawing a very detailed picture of their math teacher as a dragon. Steve offers commentary throughout.

When the bell rings, Bucky sees other students putting away their notebooks. He didn't even realize they were supposed to be taking notes.

\- - -

Swim practice. Steve is the type of boy who actually looks good with bracelets on, and Bucky admires his wrist as they run laps, appreciating a tan, sweaty Steve more than he should.

Later, in the locker room, Steve tugs a t shirt on and looks over to Bucky, "We're gonna hang out tonight at my house at six." It's not even an invitation, more like a statement.

"Okay."

They don't say anything else about it, the end.

\- - -

When Bucky emerges from his room again at 5:00, Natasha isn't around, just their dad.

"Where's Nat?"

Phil doesn't answer, just looks at him, "James, can I speak with you?"

He's wary, but what else can he do? Walking forward, he sits down at the table across from him, "Sure."

Phil sips his coffee, "Bucky, I don't like this attitude you've had lately."

He mentally sighs.

"You used to be a straight A student, and now you're going around," His eyes drop to the purple band on his wrist, "emulating this Steve boy."

"I am NOT emulating him!"

Phil sighs.

"Imitating and having things in common aren't the same thing," Bucky insists.

"Oh, like late night parties and not doing your homework? You have that in common, huh?" Phil sets his cup down, "You think I don't know about these things, James, but I do. I DO."

"You don't know about anything! You don't even know who I AM anymore!" Bucky stands up, suddenly angry, "You don't want me to change, but I'm HAPPY now, and I hated myself before! I hated my whole life!"

He frowns, "I'm your Father and I know what's best for you, James. Now stop being silly and acting like this, it's not you."

Bucky is fuming, "YOUR NOT MY FATHER!!! " He shouts.

He gets the sudden mental image of the pot he's smoked, the condoms in Natasha's purse.

Phil blinks, "James, is this all just about your father leaving you?"

He rolls his eyes so much, it's like they're falling out, "I swear, it's like I'm talking to you and you only hear what you WANT to hear. No wonder you don't understand anything."

He looks at the clock, "I'm going out."

Then he just leaves, taking a page from Steve's book. Don't ask, tell.

\- - -

It's not what he expected, which is good, since he didn't dress for what he expected.

Steve answers the door in sweatpants and a t shirt. He's adorable, even with the whole buzz-cut thing going on, and Bucky wants to kiss him. His feet are bare and he keeps wiggling his toes.

The t shirt is neon blue with the words 'ASK ME ABOUT MY ABS' written across it in white.

"Hey Buck, you're here! You're late."

"I know," Bucky sidesteps him and goes into the house, kicking off his own shoes, "So, why am I here?"

"Well, you tend to not stare at my face. So, I thought we should hang out."

"Just us?"

Steve shrugs and flops back on the couch.

"So what are we doing?"

"Well, we can play Halo or we can watch a movie. Or we can do both."

"I play Halo every day," Bucky's eyes have already coasted over Steve's DVD collection, "Let's watch Fantastic Four."

Steve snorts and turns on the DVD player.

\- - -

Bucky is in love. Steve is adorable, and he lets Bucky scratch the top of his head as much as he wants so long as it's scratching and not rubbing. Of course, Bucky enjoys it way too much. It's practically sexual for him, and he stops paying attention to the movie, concentrating on touching Steve, who is sitting on the floor in front of him.

They ordered a pizza a while back, and Steve is still picking at his. He picks a lot, Bucky's noticed. It's something new about Steve, food picking. Another bullet for Bucky's notes on the subject.

Bucky looks at the hippo band on his wrist and smiles.  
\-------  
On Tuesday, Steve picks him up and they go straight to school. Bucky gets a bad feeling about that.

"What about Tony and Sam?"

That morning, Phil tried to make breakfast as a peace offering, but Bucky had no interest. He's only taken a single bite of his apple before Steve reaches over and steals it, taking a large bite before he gives it back.

"I can't handle everybody staring at my face, looking at me like I'm Frankenstein."

Bucky takes a bite of the apple right over Steve's, then immediately feels like a loser, "You're not Frankenstein."

"Well, I feel like it."

Bucky looks down at his hippo bracelet and changes the subject, "Did you study for the Moby Dick quiz?"

"Naw," Steve takes the apple back and takes another bite, "I never study."

Bucky looks out the window.

\- - -

Histroy is officially a joke, and Bucky lays his head on his desk, only half-listening to the cheerleaders discussing a party from the night before.

"Steve wasn't even there," Sharon informs the listeners, "Tony said he just sat at home all night. Lame."

"That's not what I heard," Peggy mutters under her breath, and Bucky is surprised to feel eyes suddenly on him.

Blushing, he flips his hood up.

\- - -

"Hey."

Steve catches him in the hall after History, same as always. Reaching out, he hooks his finger in the rubber bracelet on Bucky's wrist and lightly snaps it.

Bucky blushes automatically, imagining what Peggy and Sharon would think. Steve doesn't notice.

"Good luck on your quiz. Tell me if it's hard."

Bucky grins, "That's what she said."

"Ha ha, very funny," Steve lightly shoves him away and they part, going to their respective classes.

The english quiz isn't hard, it's impossible, full of questions about Ahab and the whale and people Bucky's never even heard of.

The teacher has them graded by the end of the period. She calls Bucky to her desk as he's leaving, making a sympathetic face that leans towards disappointed.

"James, you're smarter than this. You are not a D student."

He scuffs his shoe against the carpet.

"I don't want you to have to drop this honors class because of bad grades, but... at this rate, you're going to have to."

He keeps scuffing.

"I just don't understand," She laments, "Last year you were my top student, your discussion in class was amazing. What changed?"

Bucky shrugs.

"Well, promise me you'll try harder."

He nods.

"You can go."

Bucky thankfully escapes.

\- - -

When Steve walks into the lunchroom, it goes silent.

"They think I'm losing it," He mutters to Bucky, "I skipped a party. And Sharon Carter, is having one tonight and I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna go."

This is the first Bucky has heard of Sharon's party, "Oh."

Steve glances at him knowingly, "Sorry. You wanna go or something?"

"Well... I..." Yes.

Steve shrugs one shoulder, "Fine. I need a boost anyway."

\- - -

The first thing Bucky notes about Sharon's house is that it is surrounded by thick woods and that it is scary. Like the opening scenes in a crime show.

Steve is already high as a kite off something better than pot, and Bucky feels safe grabbing the hem of his hoodie so that they don't get separated. A lot of people are already drunk, and Bucky feels a twisting in his gut that might be some kind of regret.

The music is really loud, and the only lights in the whole house are from glowsticks and cell phones. Bucky lets Steve unknowingly lead him into the thick of things. People are rolling and moving and pushing and pulling and it's so dark that Bucky knows he'll lose Steve and never find him again.

He steps on a purple glowstick necklace and bends down to pick it up, "Stevie. Here."

Steve is so high that he doesn't even notice Bucky putting the necklace around his neck.

Then song changes and Steve starts walking. Bucky pulls on his hoodie, "Stevie, don't go."

The music is insanely loud. Steve's voice is just a low, unintelligible hum. Bucky pulls him closer, wanting them to stay together, and the press of other people forces movement. Standing still is not an option.

When Steve starts to move, Bucky draws a blank. He dances because everyone is dancing, and he doesn't let himself think about the fact that he's dancing with Steve.

Steve's arm slings around his waist and his hips roll in time with the music. Bucky is unsurprised that Steve's style of dancing is grind. Their hips slide and rub against one another and it's pitch black except for the purple glow in the center of Steve's chest.

There's a shift at some point and then they're pressed together like puzzle pieces. Bucky is getting that club feeling, where the music and the atmosphere make you stop thinking, and he lets Steve grind against his thigh to the beat of the song. He lets himself grind back.

One of his hands goes up on its own to Steve's short hair and he grabs at the strands, tugging them. Steve moves impossibly closer and the glowstick presses into Bucky's chest, too.

Steve leans in and laughs, low and throaty, and sings along with the opener of the next song, "Now I'm not tryin' to be rude, but hey, pretty girl, I'm feelin' you..."

Maybe Steve is wasted enough to think Bucky is a girl cause of his hair is let down, but he doesn't care. He doesn't want Steve to stop touching him, so he doesn't say anything at all, just slings his arms around Steve's neck and kisses him.

Steve kisses back.

For a while, things are a complete blur. It might just be a couple songs, but it might be an hour. They don't grind dance as much as just grind, and Bucky's hands are all over Steve, clumsily unzipping his hoodie and pushing it off him to get to the t shirt underneath. He doesn't know exactly what they're doing, and when Steve pulls back for a second and passes Bucky some kind of pill off his tongue, Bucky just takes it so Steve will keep kissing him and touching him.

Then things move really fast, and Bucky stops trying to keep up.

\- - -

"Bucky, get up."

He's in bed, on his stomach, and he doesn't remember getting there. The sheets are pulled up, but he can feel from the slightest movement that he is fully clothed.

"I'm up."

His voice is raspy, and his throat hurts. Phil doesn't take much notice and shuts the door.

Bucky feels like shit. His mouth is dry, his eyes hurt, his body aches, and his head pounds. He rolls out of bed and kicks off his shoes, then strips down to his underwear for the trip to the bathroom.

He gets his toothbrush out and starts to brush with his eyes closed, trying to wake up. He's so groggy it's like being alive and dead at the same time. A feeling of displacement that he can't shake. And then he opens his eyes.

His hair looks like a mess plastered to his face with sweat. He stops brushing as he runs his eyes down, over the hickey on his neck to the one on his collarbone. A split second flash of dark memory makes him turn around and look back over his shoulder at the scratch marks on his back, dipping a little below the band of his boxers. When he pushes the underwear down, it pulls, and he flushes a dark red as he has to separate the front of his body from the cloth.

After he spits out his toothpaste, he takes another look at himself and sighs running his hands through his hair.

"Shit."

A knock on the door interrupts his thoughts, "James."

"Hold on, I'm almost done."

Natahsa tries the handle, "Lemme in. Right now!."

He flicks the lock and winces, expecting her bad reaction at how he looks, but she seems unfazed.

"You went to Sharon's party last night."

"Yeah," It wasn't even a question, so there's no point denying it.

Natahsa frowns, "You need to be careful. Something bad could happen to you, doing shit like that. I mean, what are you thinking?"

Bucky runs his fingertips over the hickey on his neck and says nothing. Eventually, she leaves.

\- - -

Steve doesn't even mention the party in the car, but his eyes do rest on Bucky's visible hickey for a split second. And in that second, Bucky knows Steve remembers who left it there.

It's not exactly awkward for Bucky. He can't remember much, so there's nothing to dwell on in the silence. When Steve stops to pick Sam up, he listens to Sam tell a story about some guy who danced naked on Sharon's lawn yelling “I’m King’’. When Tony gets in, he listens to the same story told over again.

Steve keeps glancing at him, so Bucky finally looks back biting his lower lip, catching his eye.

Steve doesn't look away.


	11. Always kiss me goodnight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sunshine sparkle faces!!!! im finally feeling great after surgery..... well this chapter is FULL ON !!! like i got carried away and its full of surprises :DDDDDDD well enjoy and leave comments!! love you all

It's hard to reign in.

Before Bucky had imprints from Steve's nails on his ass, it was easy to keep from touching him. If you've never had something, you don't know how good it is. But once you have it, it's impossible to stop wanting more of it.

\- - -

They don't talk during math, just do their work separately.

Steve's wearing a dark navy t shirt and gray plaid shorts, with a black cap backwards on over his buzzed hair. Bucky can't help but keep looking at him, staring at him, because who the fuck can even work a cap backwards anymore?

They don't say anything at all, and Bucky wonders if he left any marks on Steve and where they might be. He loses himself in the imagining, trying to remember something, anything, from the night before. But all he's got is the smudged memory of Steve's nails dragging up from inside his jeans to the middle of his back and the facts from the morning; his ruined underwear and hickies.

He's so out of it that when the bell rings, he stands up immediately and collides with Steve. It's like running into sex, if sex were a solid, tangible thing. Steve's body is hard and firm and muscled, and he smells like his favorite cologne, with a little bit of sweat barely there underneath it. Bucky gets the wisp of a memory, of himself licking Steve's neck, and then he snaps back to reality.

Steve stares at him, just stares, so Bucky says the only thing he's thinking.

"You smell good."

Steve leans into him and sniffs the crook of his neck, "You smell like you." Winks then he turns away and leaves.

Bucky is pretty sure Steve meant it as a compliment, but maybe he didn't.

\- - -

As the day progresses, Bucky comes to the slow realization that he is possibly the horniest he's ever been in his whole life.

He tries to ignore it, but every time he sees Steve in class or in the hall, he gets the Pavlov effect and starts to drool. It gets worse and worse until lunch, when he has to walk behind Steve and stare at his ass for the five minutes it takes to get from their lockers to the lunch table.

It doesn't help that they end up sitting right next to each other.

"Where were you last night, man?" Tony kicks Steve's foot under the table, "You were supposed to come to the back room."

Steve shrugs, "Got distracted. Sorry."

"By what?"

Thor grins over his protein shake, "Gettin' it on. Sharon says she saw you with somebody."

Bucky chokes on his sandwich and Sam absently slaps him on the back.

"Well, I was pretty high. I don't remember much after getting out of the car."

Bucky's memory snags and he watches himself putting the purple glowstick around Steve's neck in his mind's eye.

"It was dark as shit in there," Sam says, "That's why you don't remember. Just finding the bathroom was like an adventure."

"Yeah, especially in a house full of junkies."

Tony cuts in, "Well, I'm glad you went anyway. Everyone was really worried about you."

Bucky ignores the eyes that come to rest on him.

\- - -

Bucky is at his locker when he feels someone snap his hippo bracelet.

"Hey," Steve says, "You're in honors English, right?"

Bucky takes twice as long as usual to process the question, too busy pulling his hair up and staring at Steve intensely, absorbing him, "...Yes."

"Well, my class has to write a paragraph about symbolism in Moby Dick. You wanna help me after school?"

Bucky blinks slowly, "...Yes."

\- - -

Usually, swimming is what gets Bucky through the day. When things are sucking, he could just check out and go home. But swimming is always last period, so he doesn't. He loves to swim.

Today, though, it's what he's been dreading.

He saw himself in the mirror that morning, and he knows what he looks like. And, not having been born under a rock, he can guess what will happen if all the guys see him without his hoodie on.

His first attempt falls flat, "Coach, I've got a stomach cramp."

"Barnes, we're in competition mode right now, and you know it. Don't gimme this shit, just get in the water."

Bucky makes a pained sound, "No, seriously...." He shifts on his feet, slightly bent forward.

Nick sighs and turns then, giving him the once over. Then he sighs again, in a long-suffering way, "Fine, bench it. But I better not see you with your phone out. Sick people in this gym don't have fun."

Bucky could care less. He goes to the bench and lays down on his back across it, trying to appear as sickly as possible. Inside, he's relieved to keep his clothes on.

He's so busy thinking that he forgets to keep an eye out for Steve. Then, all of a sudden, the body in question walks right past the bench and Bucky snaps back into reality and stares.

His back looks normal, and Bucky is partially relieved and a little bit disappointed. But when Steve turns around, Bucky sees what has to be his own handiwork: a hickey on Steve's hip bone that looks like someone spent an hour there, which brushes close enough to the type of fantasies Bucky has to ground any doubts.

The other boys make catcall noises and ask Steve if he got some and Bucky blushes, glad to be on the opposite side of the pool from them. Honestly, Bucky doesn't know if Steve got some. He knows they didn't have sex, for obvious reasons, but that's all he can really rule out about the night. They could have done almost anything at the party, with Steve so high along with everyone else, and the house so dark.

When the dismissal bell rings, Bucky rolls off the bench and leaves.

\- - -

Bucky informs Phil that he's helping a friend with English homework and then he's free, leaning against his locker as he waits for Steve to get his shit together.

"Have you even written any of it yet?"

Steve smacks his gum, glancing at Bucky as he puts on his sunglasses, leaning on the locker to close it, "Nope."

\- - -

When they pull into the drive, the first thing Bucky notices is that someone papered Steve's house the night before. The trees look like they've been mummified, and the pillars are telling the same story.

Steve parks in the drive and climbs out, heading up the main steps to the front door, "It's kind of crazy inside, maid is sick."

Crazy is an understatement.

The moment Steve opens the door, loud rap booms into Bucky ears. The floor is covered in the dirt, leaves, and china remains of a large vase that has broken in the entryway, and Steve's little brother, Jack, runs through it to collide with Steve's leg happily.

Steve lifts him like a doll and slings him over his back, piggyback style, and leads the way to the living room, where his other brother is watching TV.

The vase isn't the only thing that's knocked over, and dirty footprints lead through the whole house from it, most of them in the living room. Steve pulls on Brock's hair as he walks past behind the couch, "Do your homework."

They go into the kitchen first, where Steve makes Jack a bottle with some kind of expensive vegan juice, which is all that's left in the fridge besides soda. Then the three of them head upstairs.

Steve plops down on the bed next to his laptop, holding Jack in his lap, and gets right to it, "So, I'm not really sure about the symbols because I didn't even understand the whole book. I tried to Sparknotes it this morning, but I had shit I had to do and I never completely got around to it."

The purple glowstick is hanging from one of Steve's bedposts.

"Well, I mean, you're in Honors right? Didn't you read the book?"

"Yeah," Bucky answers absently, "It was summer reading."

"Well," Steve prompts slowly, like Bucky's retarded, "Can't you help me?"

He snaps back into it suddenly, looking at Steve again, "Oh. Yeah. Sure." So he sits on the bed and reaches for Steve's laptop.

\- - -

They finished the paper at 4:47, but Bucky is still over at Steve's at 7:30, eating pizza with them and watching in amusement as Jack waits for Steve to pick all the meat off a slice and cut it up before he'll eat it.

Jack goes through three sippie cups during dinner alone, and all Bucky can think of is what Steve’s dad said. Jack does seem a little old for sippie cups, but he's nearly obsessed with them, and with Steve getting them. Bucky thinks it's a wonder that Steve ever gets to eat with the amount of time he spends getting juice and cutting up food and listening to Brock's chatter.

Brock really does chatter, like a monkey. It's a nonstop flow of talk about every single thing possible, and finally, Bucky stands up and shifts his feet, "Hey, Steve, where's the bathroom?"

Obviously, Steve needs a break too, since he leads Bucky there instead of just telling him, through the kitchen and down a small hall. Bucky opens the door and turns around and they pause.

Steve sighs, leaning against the door frame, face about six inches from Bucky's, "I know it's psycho. You don't have to say anything."

They just look at each other for a long time before Bucky finally answers, "It's not psycho."

"Then why are we hiding in the bathroom?"

Bucky laughs at that and steps back, pulling Steve in and pushing him back against the door to close it, "We weren't, but we are now. Happy?"

The bathroom is small. Bucky didn't consider that before he pulled Steve into it. He can hear Steve breathing, and they're even closer than before, pressed together. Bucky should have remembered the rule about two athletes never being able to fit in the same small space, or something like that. But he didn't, and they don't.

Steve's breath is hot on the side of Bucky's neck, and he sees them at the party in his mind's eye, sees himself kissing Steve. Neither of them has said anything about it, but Steve has to know. He's not dense enough to not remember it, or even guess it. But neither of them has said anything. They can still go back, are going back already.

Bucky doesn't want them to go back.

He sees himself kissing Steve and then he IS kissing Steve, without really knowing how he got there. It's not exactly awkward, but Steve doesn't kiss back. He doesn't move at all, and Bucky finds himself groaning on the inside, willing Steve to do SOMETHING. But nothing happens and Bucky pulls away.

He doesn't get very far before Steve pulls him back.

Making out with Steve when not under-the-influence is possibly one of the greatest moments of Bucky's entire life. Not that he's had that much experience with making out, but he figures Steve is as good a place to start as any.

Steve's hand’s comes up to the side of Bucky's neck, thumb right under the line of his jaw, and the other pulling the hair tie out Bucky’s hair. Then they're REALLY kissing. Bucky can't exactly remember, but he has a feeling that this is what the party was like. Steve steps forward and Bucky's ass bumps into the counter, and Steve laughs softly in the back of his throat, hands sliding down over the spot.

"Sorry," He mumbles, and that makes Bucky laugh too.

The moment should have a lot more pressure than it does, Bucky notes. But then, maybe he's unpressured because he's thought about it so much, dreamt of it so much. And now that it's happening, it's happening way easier than he ever imagined.

The real pressure's on Steve, and Bucky knows that. Steve never considered making out with Bucky in his bathroom, and that leaves a lot to be

"Hey," Brock says loudly, and Bucky opens his eyes in time to see the bathroom door open and collide with Steve's body, "Why're you taking so long? Does he need help or something?"

Bucky's face flushes a dark shade of red and Steve immediately turns around, shoving his little brother, "No, stupid." He glances at Bucky and then he is gone out the door, closing it behind him.

Bucky takes a deep breath then. He doesn't actually have to pee, so he sits on the counter and bides his time for a while. He doesn't realize how long it's been until Steve knocks.

"Hey, you don't ACTUALLY need help, right?"

Bucky opens the door in time to give him a shove, "NO. I'm okay, thanks." Their sexual tension couldn't be cut with a chainsaw.

Steve's finger hooks under the hippo bracelet and he snaps it, "Good. It comforts me to know you're not retarded."

There's a moment of tense silence, in which neither of them knows what to do exactly. Bucky desperately wants Steve to do something, but obviously he won't, so he makes the first move again.

"Well, my dad said I could stay until ten. Let's watch a movie or something, at least."

Inside, Bucky knows that somebody has to do something. They've kissed while sober, and that puts the ball in either court.

\- - -

Brock retreats upstairs the moment Steve puts in Hancock. Apparently, he doesn't like Will Smith, which Bucky thinks is a crime.

"You seen this movie?" Steve asks, sprawling out on the couch. 

Bucky moves his feet and sits down, interested, "No."

\- - -

An hour in, Bucky falls asleep. Steve's leather couch is amazingly comfortable and hard to resist. 

Half an hour later, he phases back in to a weird sensation. Steve is on top of him.

Bucky grunts in surprise and shifts, but Steve just shifts with him. Apparently, his intention was partially to wake Bucky up, and he has no issue with Bucky going right along with the plan.

Which he does.

"You're not going to tell anyone about this, right?" 

"I won't tell," Bucky breathes immediately.

Steve kisses him.

\-------

Steve drops him off at 10:30, and Bucky takes special care to walk casually inside.

However, the moment the door is closed behind him, he runs towards the back of the house, "NATASHA!"

His sister is in her bed, and Bucky jumps right on it, bouncing up and down until she opens her eyes with an annoyed groan.

"James, get out."

"Steve kissed me."

He blurts it out just like that, taking pleasure from seeing her shocked expression.

"Well, I kissed HIM first, but then we were watching a movie and he kissed me."

Natasha blinks, "Steve kissed... you?"

Bucky just grins.

"Is he even gay?"

"I dunno," Bucky replies flippantly, hopping off the bed and hugging himself, "But he's really hot and he doesn't seem upset about everything, so I'm not bothering to be."

Natasha blinks at him again, then snorts, "Oh my God, you're wigging out. You are totally and obviously wigging out."

"Am not."

"Are so! You so obviously want to tell everyone, but you can't, so you're telling ME."

"Well," Bucky almost pouts, "It's Steve." He scuffs his toe in the carpet, "You know I like him."

Natasha just grins at him for a minute, then sighs at his pouty face and shifts over, "Fine, sit down. I guess wanna know all about it."

\- - -

That night, Bucky lays in bed and thinks about everything.

He knows Steve is a player. Everyone knows that. The situation has to be handled carefully, and Bucky isn't exactly sure how to play it. He wants Steve to hang around for awhile, but that's never happened before. He mentally goes through the list of Steve's ex-girlfriends, but the fact that he himself is NOT a girl makes the situation entirely new.

He knows everything will be different.

He knows he's willing to do just about anything to keep Steve around, even for a little while.

\- - -

"Let's party tonight," Sam announces as he sits down, "Carly Yung's parents are going to be out of town until next Friday and she's having a party tonight."

Bucky doesn't know what he thinks he's doing, but he reaches across the table and steals Steve's apple, taking a bite, "I wanna go."

Steve just watches him.

"Who the hell is Carly Yung?" Tony takes a swig of his drink.

"She's in my math class. But who the hell cares, she's buying all the liquor herself."

Steve reaches for his apple and Bucky leans out of reach, grinning. He thinks he might be trying to flirt, but he's never done it before, so maybe he's failing at it.

"Gimme," the corners of Steve's mouth twitch up in amusement and he kicks Bucky under the table.

Bucky starts to respond when Tony snatches the fruit from him and throws it at Steve, "Are we going or not?"

Steve runs the pad of his thumb over the smooth, shiny skin of the apple, "Yeah."

\- - -

Today, Bucky can't avoid taking his clothes off for swimming.

At least the scratches aren't so obvious, but the hickies definitely are, especially the one on his collarbone. He takes off his shirt to a sudden dead silence.

"Looks like Barnes got some too, Rogers," Tony laughs.

Bucky turns bright red and endures.

\- - -

"Come over to my house," Steve snaps Bucky's bracelet, "Everybody is. We'll get ready and then we'll all leave."

Bucky knows he's going to go, but he stays silent, testing the waters. Testing how bad Steve wants him to be there.

"I'll throw in for your portion of the weed."

Pleased with the results, Bucky closes his locker, "Okay."

\- - -

Steve keeps true to his word. He pays double and gives Bucky credit for half. When they get to his house, it's still papered and still a mess. Tony and Sam go raid the kitchen for snacks and Steve leads Bucky upstairs and into his room. Bucky doesn't know what's gotten into him lately, but he stakes his claim immediately and goes right over to Steve's bed, kicking off his shoes before crawling across. He can feel Steve watching him and he can't help but wonder if he likes it, seeing Bucky on his bed.

Steve gets his Che Guevara grinder out and a glass bong shaped like a tiger. It's weirdly exotic, since Bucky has never seen Steve smoke out of anything other than cheap pipes before. The weed is in his hoodie pocket and he gets that out, too, sitting on the side of the bed by his bedside table.

Sam opens the door and tosses Bucky a box of cookies, going over to Steve's stereo and turning it out, flipping playlists until he finds one he likes.

Tony comes in the room second, a liter of soda in hand, and makes a face, "Drake? Really?"

"I love Drake, don't hate, man." Steve smirks.

"Drake is gay. Switch tracks."

"I like this song," Bucky says before he can stop himself, "And I like Drake. He used to play Jimmy on Degrassi." The moment it's out of his mouth, he winces.

There's a split second of silence before Steve spins around, "You watch Degrassi?" Bucky is about to stutter through a lame excuse, but Steve interrupts him, "I'm obsessed with that show. But only the Next Generation ones, the new stuff is really weird and everyone's in college and it freaks me out."

"Hate to stop this preteen gay loser fest, but can we smoke now?" Sam leaves the Drake song on and glances at Bucky. His expression is hard to read.

"Yeah, yeah, chill," Steve opens the grinder and packs the bowl, "Gimme a lighter."

He tokes, taking his time, then holds the smoke in before exhaling slowly. Bucky watches the white smoke curl out from between Steve's lips, watches the way he licks them and just takes a real breath a second after, blinking slowly.

Bucky and Tony reach out for the bong at the same time.

The moment of truth is upon them. Steve himself doesn't see the weight of his decisions, just makes them.

"Here," He passes it to Bucky, leaning back against the headboard.

High school is tougher than people realize. Bucky takes his hit, blowing the smoke at Steve, then passes to Sam, since he likes him more than Tony.

Every time he smokes, he exhaels in Steve's direction, relishing in watching something that's been in his lungs fill up Steve's when he takes a breath.

They smoke until they are really fucking high, and then it's time to get ready to leave. Steve takes forever to get dressed, and in that time, Tony bums a ride from Sam and their party is split into two halves, with Steve and Bucky left behind at the house.

When Steve finally comes out of the bathroom, they head downstairs. There, drinking a pre-party beer as he leans against the counter, Steve calls a list of people until he finds a babysitter. The tension that has been strangely absent finds them then, sliding into place in the kitchen and soaking into the spaces in between them.

Smoking pot makes Bucky feel lazy, and drugged, but it also makes him horny. It's a dull feeling, like he wants to have slow sex, then immediately take a nap. He wonders how it makes Steve feel, or if he even feels anything at all.

"Come on," Steve says, and Bucky realizes that the baby sitter is there and that, at some point, he dozed off a little on Steve's couch.

Steve's car is warm in opposition to the cool night air, and Bucky's head feels like it's stuffed with cotton.

"Steve," He's not even drunk, but something is making him weird. The weed, the night, something.

"What?" He pulls into Carly's drive and Bucky can just barely hear the music, another, frantic beat under the deep bass of Steve's music. Steve parks behind a long row of cars in the dark and Bucky has sudden clarity. Leaning across the console, he kisses Steve hard.

At first, Steve leans away. They have a party to go to, and he doesn't want someone to catch him kissing Bucky. But Bucky persists, pressing closer, kissing harder, until Steve responds.

Bucky pulls on Steve's shirt and sits up in his seat. Breaking the kiss, he climbs in the back.

Steve's third row seats are missing, leaving him with a big empty space in the back of the Escalade. An aluminum baseball bat and a gym bag are the sum total of his cargo, and they don't take up much room. Bucky glances back just enough to see Steve following him. Then he lays down.

The crush of Steve's weight is sudden, but pleasant. Bucky kisses him again and, this time, Steve responds right away.

Bucky knows what he's trying to do, but he's never done it before. He can only hope that he's a natural, or that Steve is willing enough for it to be easy.

They make out, and it's sloppy. Steve is careless, but his tongue makes Bucky's toes curl. With the car off, the chill off the lake near Carly's house seeps in, a welcome change to the heat of Steve's body.

When Steve's mouth leaves his, Bucky can only exhale slowly, the breath turning into a low moan when he feels Steve's hips roll against his. There's a moment of panting and then Steve moves to his neck, sucking softly at first, his enthusiasm for the task growing when Bucky moans again.

His mind wanders a little to his beach fantasy of Steve and then snaps back at a jingling sound.

It's Steve's belt.

Bucky takes a breath that stutters, but not from excitement. His stomach coils with a kind of fear, not of Steve but of where he knows everything is going. All his thinking prepared him for the flirtation, but not this final step.

The step where Steve reaches down and unzips his pants for him.

Bucky is so deathly silent that Steve notices. In the dark, Bucky can't see his face, but he can hear him just fine.

"What punk?"

"Come on jerk." Bucky lifts his hips and, after a half second hesitation, Steve pushes his jeans down. Then sitting up, straddling Bucky, he pushes his own down, too.

Then, the excitement comes in a huge, sudden wave. It's suffocating and giant, and Bucky suddenly has a brand new understanding of the point of no return. 

Steve kisses him again, slower than before, and Bucky thinks of a vacation they took with his dad once, where they saw the mating rituals of tigers in the zoo. The guide explained that when the female tiger finally lays down, the male knows the courtship is over.

Bucky tugs on Steve's shirt until he pulls it off, then gets his own taken off in turn hair getting messed up also. The skin-on-skin contact makes it suddenly real.

Steve pushes his boxers down.

Bucky doesn't mean to inhale sharply when Steve touches him, but he does. Apparently, Steve's expecting it, since he just moans and kisses Bucky again.

It feels good. Really good. Way better than anything he's ever done to himself. Steve's hand jacks him off slowly, stroke after stroke, and just when Bucky's back is about to arch off the floor of the car, Steve sits up.

Bucky closes his eyes.

Steve is careful to a degree, and he does it right. At least, Bucky assumes so. Everything is new, and feels strange, but he lets it happen, panting softly on the floor of Steve's car while Steve puts one finger in him, sucking on his neck again.

It doesn't feel great. It just sort of... feels. But Bucky can tell that it's turning Steve on, so he makes a soft sound and lets his mind wander to the Spanish verbs they learned to conjugate that morning.

Hacer. To do.

Hago, hacemos, hicimos. I do, we do, we did.

Steve pulls his hand away and Bucky snaps back to the present feeling open and empty without Steve’s fingers, seeing the dark shadow of Steve's arms on either side of him as he props himself up. After a clumsy moment, Steve pushes in a little.

Bucky winces. It doesn't hurt, but it feels weird, like it might hurt later. Steve goes slow, and it's okay until he's all the way in. Then Bucky can't help but grit his teeth, grunting softly.

Steve nuzzles his ear, an intimate gesture, coming from him, and Bucky exhales, forcing himself to relax.

They just sit there for what seems like forever. Then Steve moves.

It hurts, but it's not as bad as what he was expecting for his first time. A lot of people tend to exaggerate, or maybe Steve is just careful. It hurts less when he relaxes, paying attention to Steve's soft pants. In the moment, Bucky realizes that he has all the power over Steve he could ever want, and he relishes in the fact that it's okay for him to hug Steve close.

It surprises him when it starts to feel good. He forgot that that was a possibility.

When he hears himself moan, it becomes really real. He's having sex. He's losing his virginity.

Steve kisses him again, encouraged by Bucky's moan, and picks up the pace. The roll of his hips is good, and Bucky moans again.

Their panting is in sync for a while, and Steve's hand moves back to Bucky's dick. Everything is thrusting and moaning and licking and groaning, with pants in between. Steve scrapes his teeth over Bucky's neck and sucks.

It slows down and Steve just pants, hips canting slowly. Bucky moans each time and finally gets to arch his back.

Then Steve picks up the pace again and it's like a race to the finish line that Bucky wins by a mile. He moans, toes curling as he comes, and Steve follows later, hips jerking with his orgasm. Then he collapses on top of Bucky, hot and heavy.

Despite everything, Bucky falls asleep.

\- - -

He wakes up alone in the Escalade, but it doesn't feel like being deserted, just like waking up last at a sleepover.

Steve has pulled his underwear and his jeans up, and Bucky zips up on his own, then opens the back of the car and gets out, slamming the back door closed.

He makes a face at the wet feeling in his underwear and tries to walk normally.

The party is still going strong, so he figures it must not be THAT late. He doesn't spot Steve, but he's not really looking for him either. He's looking for a bathroom, and he ducks into the first vacant one he finds and locks the door.

He cleans everything below the belt with a lot of damp toilet paper until he's satisfied, then looks in the mirror.

He has another hickey, but he could tell what Steve was up to the whole time, so it's not a surprise. He fixes his hair which is a mess trying to pull it back into a top knot and then he leaves, learning through word-of-mouth where the REAL party is at.

They're all in the FROG, the carpeted room over Carly's three car garage, smoking weed. Bucky walks into the room and spots Steve and Sam right away, going to collapse on a pile of cushions by them.

"Where you been, dude?" Sam asks. Steve passes Bucky the pipe and he takes his lighter out of his front pocket and tokes.

"Hey, he's cutting," Carly whines, eyes bloodshot. Everyone ignores her.

"Nice hickey," Steve observes in a raspy, but warm, voice.

Bucky blows smoke at him and smiles. He never answers Sam's question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG!!! i need someone to fan me! gosh that was HOT! wow oh wow!


	12. The many faces of Steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex, Fluff and Sex and steve confesses something to bucky!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey my sunshine sparkle faces!!! thx for all the hits, kudosand comments!!! love hearing about what you think and love you all xoxoxooxoxoxo

Friday morning is the type of morning that's like clay. Bucky knows it has endless possibilities.

He showers and gets dressed quickly leaving his hair wet, then makes his way out to the kitchen to really have breakfast with his dad for the first time in forever.

The effort pleases Phil, and he serves Bucky his waffles without making any snide comments about his choice in friends.

"Did you study for your Spanish quiz?" He asks when he stands up, stealing one more piece of bacon off the plate.

Amo, amamos. I love, we loved.

"Yes."  
Bucky spends what feels like hours (but is actually only minutes) walking over to Steve's car, agonizing over what to say to him.

But, when he opens the door, Steve is on the phone.

"No shit, man? Seriously?" He sighs heavily, "Well, where's he live?"

Bucky slides into the seat and shuts the door. He feels Steve grab his wrist, though not too rough, and pull it into his lap to write an address on his arm in black pen. He can't write on his own and hold his phone at the same time.

"Yeah, of course I'll go. It's not like I can just walk around... yeah." The side of Steve's hand rests on Bucky's arm the whole time he talks, like he has forgotten the action already, "A'ight."

With that, he shifts away, releasing Bucky's arm.

"What's this?" He tries to twist his arm to read Steve's writing, but it's physically impossible.

"My dealer, Dave, got busted. Word's out about this guy, I was gonna go see him and see what's what. You know." He pulls away from the curve, driving one-handed while he texts, "You wanna come?"

"Uh..." Bucky hesitates, debating the pros and cons of the situation briefly, "I..."

Steve tosses his phone into the backseat, driving past rows of houses, the dark windows staring at Bucky like judging eyes.

"Yeah, sure."

\- - -

Bucky is having a hard day.

His personal space barriers with Steve are all fucked up. It doesn't help that the weather is getting a bit cool and Steve has decided to wear a gorgeous light blue sweater with his dark jeans. It also doesn't help that he's not IGNORING Bucky. Bucky was prepared for ignoring. Isn't that what people are supposed to do after they have weird, unromantic sex?

"Can I copy your math?" Steve asks him in the hall, standing too close to Bucky, so that a couple people are glancing at them, expecting a fight or a drug deal or something.

Embarrassment colors Bucky's face a little and he looks away, "...I didn't do mine."

"Do you ever do ANY of your homework?" Steve frowns, "I thought you were a nerd."

The comment doesn't even sting like it would have before. Bucky has started to get the feeling that sometimes, Steve isn't exactly picking on you, he's more just blurting every single thought that comes into his mind without consideration.

"...I guess I'm not a nerd anymore."

Steve just frowns and walks away, off to find someone else from their math class.

\- - -

During class, in group, Steve leans forward to study Bucky, propping his head up on his hands and just staring at him for a long minute.

"I want you to tutor me."

Bucky blinks, surprised, "Tutor you?"

"Yeah."

"In what?" Bucky is incredulous.

"English."

Bucky blinks again.

"You're in the honors class, right? So you must be better at it than me. Tutor me." He rubs his fingers together, "I'll pay you. Cash money."

Bucky tries to think of a couple reasons NOT to agree, and can't come up with any.

"Uh, okay. I guess."

"Great." Steve looks very pleased with himself, leaning back in his chair, "So you can just ride with me today and we'll pick up that stuff and then you can tutor me."

Bucky just blinks.

\- - -

"No, man," Steve says, pushing Thor away, "You cannot come over to my house today."

Bucky peels his orange slowly, concentrating on it.

"You owe me!" Thor scowls, "I lent you all of my dad’s beer the whole weekend your dad was in town, you totally owe me."

"Whatever, I'll buy you a fucking 24 pack, you just can't come over!" Steve hisses at him, though Bucky still manages to hear him, "I have shit to do."

"What kind of shit do you have to do?"

Steve elbows him hard, and Bucky strains his ears to hear the low mutter of, “Peggy's coming over."

Bucky raises one brow and leans slightly toward Steve, trying to hear.

Steve mutters too low for Bucky to hear for a minute, then gets louder, "I mean, you got me on this?"

"Yeah, man," Thor grins, "Just bring me a 6 pack then."

Tony's lunch tray clatters onto the table and he yanks a chair back, throwing himself into it. His foot kicks Bucky's under the table on accident.

"What's wrong with you?" Steve says, reaching across the table to steal a french fry off his plate.

"Fucking Vision talking shit," Tony grumbles, attacking his food. He keeps talking around a mouthful, "He said you were GAY!!."

Steve looks unfazed, never glancing at Bucky as he shares Tony's food, "Wow. Original."

"I know, right? He says the whole swim team is gay because of Speedos or something. I dunno, he's fucking retarded. I'm gonna kick his ass."

"Why?" Sam sounds bored.

Bucky speaks up, "Who's Vision?"

Everyone stares at him.

"He's the fucking senior class president," Tony looks at him in disbelief, "how do you not know Vision?"

Bucky blinks, "Who's the junior class president?" In retrospect, it's a stupid question.

Steve grins at him, "Me, dummy. Didn't you vote?"

Bucky can't remember voting, but if he did, he surely circled Steve's name on the ballot.

"It doesn't fucking matter!" Tony interrupts, "The POINT is that Vision is the biggest asshole in the whole school. He's in the fucking Twenty, for god's sake."

Bruce glances at him, "Don't blaspheme."

Tony ignores him, "I hope he never goes Ivy."

At Bucky's blank look, Steve elaborates, "The Twenty is the twenty seniors with the highest GPAs. They all eat in the band room, except for Bruce."

Bruce just smiles, taking a swig of his Coconut water, "I'm well-rounded."

Bucky can't help but smile back.

"Are they, like, popular?" Bucky mutters to Steve, not wanting Tony to make fun of him.

"No," Steve mutters back, "Total assholes. We don't talk to them."

Bucky assumes the 'we' means everyone but him, until Steve yanks a sheet of paper out of his notebook and writes down a list of names, only a couple of which Bucky recognizes. Across the top, in big, block capitals, he writes 'BLACKLISTED.'

"You really need to start figuring this shit out, Buck."

"Oh, wait!" Peter grabs it and the pencil, writing a name down, "Don't forget Wanda Maximoff."

Sam laughs, "That weird girl with the red eyes?"

Steve laughs loudly, amused, "Yeah, yeah! And her twin Pietro Maximoff! You know, that guy that wrote Clint the love poem!"

Thor laughs with him, "'Your hair is soft and silky smooth, I hope the swim team doesn't lose.'"

Bucky catches himself laughing and realizes, then, how teasing starts. He would never make the same jokes about Steve's weaknesses, but he likes Steve. Has talked to him.

Faceless people in high school, people that fall outside the norm... It's easy to stop caring and laugh.

\- - -

"Hey," Steve says when they're walking to practice at the end of the day, past the office, "Ask your dad if you can spend the night." At Bucky's look, he elaborates, "I've got a paper to write. Due tomorrow."

In his head, if he and Steve were together, Steve would kiss him softly and smile at him, then peel off to meet back up at the pool.

But he and Steve are just two guys that fucked, so Steve just keeps walking when Bucky turns into the office and, walking past the secretary, knocks on his mother's door.

"Hey, dad, it's me."

"Come on in son."

Bucky opens the door, taking in the familar sight of his dad doing paperwork at his desk. He sits down in the chair across from him, reaching onto his desk to take a lemon drop.

He glances at him, then looks back at his papers, "What's up, James?"

"Steve wants to know if I can tutor him in English. He said he'd pay me."

Phil keeps writing, and Bucky waits for a long moment until he finally says, "When? Today?"

Bucky sucks on the drop, "Yeah. He's got an English paper to write, he wants me to spend the night."

Bucky has left the door to his office open and Phil stands, walking around the desk to close it.

"James..." "Is there anything... going on with you and Steve?" He knows Bucky likes him, but that was a long time ago. Before Bucky stopped telling him everything.

Bucky shakes his head, "No, dad." He smiles, "People like Steve aren't gay."

\- - -

Steve leans against the lockers while Bucky pulls out his books.

"So, what'd he say?"

He shrugs, pulling his Spanish out, then debating for a minute.

"You need the workbook," Steve mumbles.

Bucky switches for the workbook, "I mean, he said I could," He pauses, listening to nothing but Steve's breathing in the empty hallway, and then it spills out, reminding him of his 'I love you' crap, which seems like a lifetime ago, "He asked if there was anything going on between us." He laughs once, but Steve doesn't join in, and then it dies.

Steve is chewing gum, lemon flavored Bubbalicious, and Bucky can smell it. It makes him want to make out with him, the smell appealing, like real fruit.

Steve is silent for a long moment, but his relaxed stance doesn't change, "Is there something going on between us?"

Bucky wasn't expecting Steve to bring it up like that, but it's kind of a relief.

"I don't know," He says, leaning into his locker to hide his face, "Is there? Because you already know everything about me when it comes to you, Steve, and I don't know anything about what you think of me."

"Well, we kind of did it, so I figured you could figure out on your own..."

They're both looking in opposite directions.

"Kind of?" Bucky decides not to push it, "Well, I didn't figure anything out at all. I mean, I dunno, I was just expecting you to be in charge or whatever you'd call it."

Steve chews his gum, smacking a little. What he says next is so random, Bucky thinks he's changing the subject.

"I hate that your dad works here."

Bucky blinks, finally looking at him.

A long silence passes between them. Just when Bucky thinks Steve's done, he continues.

"Cause my family suck and all. I hated seeing your dad come pick you up. Back when we were little."

Bucky realizes that he is clutching his books and stops.

"That's why I pushed you off your bike." Steve rubs his hand over his shaved head, the hair already coming back thick, "We made Christmas lists. In class. And I remember that the bike was on yours and then you got it and..." He looks away, "I just really hated you."

Bucky stares at him hard, willing Steve to look at him. More silence passes between them.

Steve shrugs, "So, now you know about what I think of you."

Bucky is dismayed, "You hate me."

Steve looks up then, looks right at him, staring into Bucky's eyes almost like he's pissed off, except he's not, "No. I DON'T hate you. I hate that your dad cares about you and mine never did. And, when we were kids, I hated that it was in my face all the time."

Bucky hugs his books to his chest with one hand, reaching out to pull on the string of Steve's hoodie, "You already know I want there to be something going on. With us. I mean, you're not dense, Steve."

Bucky can see Steve lightly grinding his teeth by the way his jaw moves, rubbing them together. It's a habit of his.

"Come on," Bucky says, letting go of the string and walking towards the parking lot, "We're going to see your 'friend,' remember?"

Steve says nothing, but he follows.

Bucky drops his books on the floor of the backseat, with Steve's junk next to it, and climbs into the passenger seat. Steve is already sitting in the driver's seat.

Bucky slams his door, body turning to get his seatbelt, and then Steve has grabbed him, nearly climbing into his lap, and is kissing him. Hard.

Steve's hands slide down to Bucky's ass and the backs of his thighs, pulling him clumsily over the console and into his own lap. Bucky leans back and his elbow honks the horn.

Steve's mouth tastes like lemons.

"God Buck," Steve mumbles, hands sliding under Bucky's shirt to settle on his half-bare hips. Bucky just wraps his arms around Steve's neck and kisses him harder.

It's messy, and very fast, with a kind of urgency on Steve's part that Bucky didn't expect. He feels one of Steve's hands fist in his bun and he moans softly.

Steve pulls back to breathe, "Have sex with me."

Bucky can't catch his breath, and he pants softly, "Now?"

"No, later. Sometime. Just say you will."

He nods, "Okay."

When he climbs back in his seat, he realizes he's got Steve's gum in his mouth. Closing his eyes, a huge grin on his face, he blows a bubble.

\- - -

They're already kissing before they even get all the way in Steve's house.

Steve accidentally slams the door to his room, mouth connected to Bucky's, hands all over him, and then they're pulling off clothes. Shirts first, shoes kicked off, then Steve pulls back from the kiss to look down so he can undo Bucky's pants.

Despite his first time being lukewarm, Bucky finds that he really, REALLY wants to do it again.

Steve pushes him back on the bed and climbs on top of him, straddling Bucky's hips and leaning down to kiss him deeply, sucking on his tongue. Bucky pushes Steve's pants down his hips and then Steve leans back.

"Wait! Let me take out my contacts."

\- - -

Bucky wakes up feeling a little gross, and a little too hot, and way off track.

When he looks at the clock pushing his hair out his face and sees it's one in the morning, the off track part makes sense. The rest doesn't need explaining.

"Steve," Bucky shifts, the heavy arm slung across his back sliding down lower, to his waist, leaving a line of sweat. Bucky would be grossed out, except it's his own sweat and Steve is probably sweating, too.

"Steve," He repeats, rolling over and sitting up, blankets pooling at his hips, "Stevie, wake up." He reaches for the bedside lamp, turning it on.

"Nnngh," Steve squints his eyes, pulling his arm off Bucky to cover his face from the light.

"Stevie, we have to write your paper. And turn off the heater."

Steve shifts, groggily getting up, "Yeah, heater." He yawns and gets out of bed, walking bare naked across his room and out the door into the hall.

"Paper," Bucky repeats louder, "And where are your brothers?"

"With Sam’s mom, it's Friday and dad and the nanny aren't coming to town," Steve mumbles, like it's obvious.

"PAPER."

Steve yawns, rubbing his eyes and stumbling into the bathroom next, "I made it up. Stop worrying about it."

Bucky gapes at him, and Steve grins.

"See? You ARE a nerd."

Opening a case on the counter, Steve puts on a pair of glasses that Bucky didn't know existed and, stumbling less, tugs on his boxers and walks towards the door.

"Since I'm up, I'm gonna eat. You coming?"

Bucky puts on underwear.

\- - -

Steve makes a pizza and they eat it on the couch, watching late night TV and smoking the weed he got before descending upon the rest of the snacks in the house.

Giggling, Bucky lets Steve tip a bottle of Gatorade for him, trying to drink it at the awkward angle Steve creates. It's only funny because they're completely stoned, but when Steve leans forward and licks the spilled Gatorade off Bucky's face, it stops being funny.

"You know what you make me think of?" Steve giggles, eyes half closed.

"What?" 

"That Heart song, Crazy on You. Cause like, you're a guy and you'll totally ruin my life," Steve laughs more, "But I still totally have the hots for you. You know what I mean? Crazy on you."

Bucky smiles, "Yeah. Crazy on you."  
\-------------  
Later, Bucky lays in Steve's bed, watching dust float through the sunlight streaming in the window.

He can't get over the big gaping hole he feels in his chest, the one that makes him want something official from Steve. He doesn't realize how long he's been staring at one spot until he feels a shift of weight on the mattress.

"What're you looking at?"

Steve sounds sleepy, and very normal. A teenage boy who doesn't believe in being awake before noon. He drops his head on Bucky's shoulder and the way Bucky feels takes up so much space in him that he doesn't exactly feel like he can breathe.

"Stevie..." Bucky waits for his brain to catch up, watching the dust, "I still, you know... love you and all."

Silence passes between them for a moment.

Bucky thinks maybe Steve will offer up some kind of conversation-ending phrase or something, like a 'yeah' or an 'I know.'

Instead, Steve shifts, turning his head slightly, "You're hot."

It comes as a complete surprise to Bucky, and he blinks for several long seconds, "I am?"

"Yeah." Steve grins, but not because he's joking. He grins because Bucky's surprise is amusing.

"Are you trying to hit on me?"

"Maybe."

"If I'm so hot, how come I'm not popular?"

Steve shrugs lazily, "You're shy."

"I told you I love you."

"So you're still shy. You're just getting better at it."

Bucky shakes his head, but he's smiling.

"So, anyway, you're hot. Let's hang out at your house."

Bucky does not see how these things can be related.

\- - -

"Okay, it's kind of messy. And my Dad is back home, so-"

"Cut with the prelude," Steve rolls his eyes, "I'm the most charming fucker in town. Seriously."

Bucky has his doubts, but he opens the door.

"Dad, I'm home!"

He can tell, from the smell of the house, that he's in the kitchen making food. He's halfway through the archway when Natasha engulfs him, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"NAT!." Bucky flushes red and struggles until Natasha releases him.

That's when she notices Steve.

"Steve and I are just gonna hang out in my room."

Natasha stares at Steve, and Bucky sees one brow arch. He knows what she's thinking.

"It's upstairs on the right, Steve." Bucky gives him a look until Steve slides into motion, reminding him of slow motion footage of cheetahs on the Discovery channel.

The moment Steve's expensive lime green kicks disappear upstairs, Bucky gives his sister and dad a long-suffering look, "Please, PLEASE, don't ruin this day for me, guys."

They both sigh, raising their hands in surrender, "Whatever."

\- - -

Bucky trips over Steve's shoes when he opens his door, an experience he never dreamed he'd have.

In the light of day, Bucky finds his room mildly embarrassing.

The walls are the light blue of an eggshell, the same color the room was when he first moved into the house. His bed is made, at least, though none of the covers match: his sheets are black, the comforter is red, and his pillow is grey. He feels that Steve, as an artist, might find this combination offensive.

There are posters on his wall, almost all of which are off 90’s bands , are suddenly mortifying now that someone else is laying eyes on them. His laptop is closed on the bed, right next to his pillow, and Bucky is embarrassed by that, too. His bookshelf is barren of books, since he doesn't like to read. Instead, he's got a scattering of little league trophies, some pictures in cheap frames, and a collection of old VHS tapes next to a stack of CDs, sans jewel cases.

There are a bunch of soda cans on his desk next to his stereo and a winter coat tossed in one corner, forgotten until just now. Clothes litter the floor by his bed, and there's an actual pair of his underwear on the floor with them.

Bucky wonders if Steve finds his room disgusting.

"Hey, who's this dude?"

Bucky's head snaps to the side and he sees Steve studying a photograph of Bucky and his dad.

Bucky can't stop a note of scorn from sliding in, forgets to watch himself, "Oh. My ex dad."

Steve blinks.

"My dad." Bucky corrects, "My dad, the runnerway." He takes the picture out of Steve's hand and lays it face down.

Steve clears the air, "I've never been in your room."

"That's obvious."

He rolls his eyes, bouncing on the balls of his bare feet, "Well, aren't you gonna give me some kind of grand tour?"

Bucky sighs, but goes along with it, leading Steve around and pointing to objects in turn, "That's where I sleep. That's the window. That's what I wore last Thursday. There's the stereo I got from Natasha last Christmas. There's my closet. The end." He shrugs, "Sorry, I know it's small. And messy."

"I like it," Steve declares, laying on his bed. Bucky burns the image into his brain.

"No you don't. Your room is so clean..."

"We have a maid." Steve cuts him off, uninterested in discussing it, "No pets?"

Bucky shakes his head, shutting the door in the hopes of making the room appear bigger.

"Your dad doesn't like me."

"You bullied me."

Steve shrugs, "I guess. I mean, it was actually... creative flirting."

This is an admission Bucky wasn't expecting, "Flirting?"

Steve shrugs again, "The whole freak thing wasn't even that mean."

Bucky frowns, "Yes it was. Why should I cut my hair just to fit in?"

"I don't know I like your hair long. Look, it kind of worked, You had a crush on me, didn't you?"

Bucky sighs running his hand through his hair, "Steve, I just don't get you. Do you just make this shit up off the top of your head?"

"Yeah, sometimes."

\- - -

They start out listening to earth, wind and fire, Steve's choice, and just chilling on his bed. Steve sets Bucky's laptop on the floor and closes his eyes. He's good at being silent and still.

Bucky shifts slightly, staring at him for a moment, then goes for it. Leaning in, he lets his lips brush against Steve's, testing him for a reaction.

Steve exhales softly, not even opening his eyes, "What are you doing?"

Bucky flushes, "Sorry."

"You're really awkward."

Bucky flushes a deeper red, leaning back, "Sorry."

"Stop apologizing."

"...Sorry."

"Seriously?" Steve opens his eyes, "Why are you acting so weird?"

"I don't know how I'm supposed to act."

"Normal."

"But..."

"We're alone in your room. If you want to fool around, all you have you have to do is say, 'Hey, Steve, let's fool around.'"

"I didn't know I was... allowed to."

Steve rolls his eyes, "Nobody's around and you're not taking pictures or anything. Soooo... what's your deal, Buck? You really need to chill out."

"Sorry."

Steve sighs, "Okay, quit saying you're sorry."

"I just..." Bucky shuts himself up, not knowing what to do or say to Steve.

"Chill."

\- - -

Bucky chills enough to doze on his bed. When he wakes up, the light has slanted a bit outside and Steve has turned down the music. At first, Bucky is mortified, feeling like That Guy for falling asleep on him.

Then he sees what Steve is doing.

Humming through the chorus of a song, low and quiet, he's leaning back against the wall with a book on his lap. Using the book as a table, a piece of paper from Bucky's printer on top, he's quietly sketching with a pencil.

Bucky stares at him for several long seconds, absorbing the look of concentration on his face, and then Steve's eyes flicker up and meet his.

"Hey."

Bucky just stares at him, "What are you drawing?"

"You."

Steve says the words with an audible shrug, then glances down at the paper and continues.

Bucky lays still and watches him with interest. Since Steve has to stare at him to draw him, Bucky returns the favor, taking it as a nice chance to look at him. Occasionally, Steve's eyes flicker to Bucky's face, meeting his gaze, but he immediately looks back to his drawing.

"How long was I asleep?"

"I dunno, maybe 30 minutes. Your sister came up and said she was going to the store."

Bucky says nothing for a couple beats.

"Can I see your drawing?"

"It's just a sketch," Steve pulls the paper off the book and holds it out. Bucky takes it, careful not to crinkle the paper, and looks.

The first thing he notices is that Steve has drawn him asleep, eyes closed, face relaxed. It's a good likeness, really good, and Bucky bites back a smile.

"Will you draw me? Like, really draw me?"

Steve takes the sketch back, and Bucky detects the Steve-equivalent of embarrassment, "Uhh..."

"Please?" Later, Bucky will marvel at his own confidence, his own careful sense of how to win Steve over, "Your dad took you out of art, right? So, you need a model. I can model! I'm good at standing still!"

Steve bites his lips and his eyes dilate. Bucky instinctively knows in an instant something he hasn't absorbed in the past few days. Steve finds him attractive. He's too busy begging to be surprised by the realization yet.

"I'll pose however you want, I promise. And you don't have to pay me or anything, like other people."

"...Well, what are YOU getting out of it?"

Bucky is quick to answer, "Art. I want to keep the art."

Steve looks thoughtful.

"I mean, if you finish a real piece, you can have it. But I want to keep all the practice stuff."

"Okay," Steve finally answers, "Deal, then. Let's go to my house."

\- - -

Bucky straddles a chair backwards, resting his elbows across the back with his head tilted a bit hair hanging in his face, and stares at Steve as he draws.

He's not wearing anything but basketball shorts and boxing gloves dug up from the back of Steve's closet.

He puts a neutral, but hopefully striking, expression on his face, then freezes and holds.

\- - -

When he finishes his drawing, Steve pulls Bucky right off the chair and lets him hit the carpet on his back with a thump. His hands lift Bucky's hips, tugging on the basketball shorts, and Bucky's breathing gets heavy almost immediately.

He still doesn't know exactly what Steve's deal is, or why they keep having sex if Steve isn't supposed to be gay. But he doesn't care very much by the time they get to the actual 'naked' part.

He hitches his legs up on the shelf of Steve's hips and wraps his arms loosely around his neck, boxing gloves thumping against his skin dully.

They have sex right on the floor, panting in a rhythm juxtaposed to the jerk of Steve's hips.

When they're done, Bucky punches Steve in the ribs, the glove softening the blow, "I have to go home."

Steve doesn't kiss or nuzzle him, just rolls off and gets up, "Yeah."

\- - -

Bucky is starting to see the many faces of Steve and understand them. Sometimes Steve is all hard edges and stinging remarks, and then other times, he softens out, melting like ice in Bucky's mouth. A soothing, real, honest presence. Thirdly, there is sexual Steve, all angry and gentle at the same time, hot to the touch, eager to please and be pleased.

There is a fourth Steve too, the scared, lonely, open one. Bucky has only seen that Steve once, on a rainy night. 

He still hasn't decided which Steve is the real one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MMMMMMMMMMMMM......... WOW.... cold shower with a bucky barnes just wearing boxing gloves anyone??? hhahhaha well enjoy and have a HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! remember to leave me some kudos and comments love to all <3


	13. The beinning of what might be beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky, Steve and Sam take a trip!!! sex , arguments and Steve tries something new and so does Bucky!!!!! but Same doens't care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yayayayyayaya hope you love the new chapter uploading cause i had a brain wave last night and i had to write, write , write !!!!!!

It's been a week and a half. A week and four days of drawing and sex and partying and,talking about old movies or music.

A week and a half and Bucky has reached his comfort zone.

Steve has reached a totally different zone, a place that Bucky isn't sure he has the area code for.

\- - -

They leave Friday night, Bucky watching the glowing white lines shoot past the passenger window of Steve's car. Teacher in-service is Monday, and a long weekend is ideal for a road trip.

They're heading for the beach, a weekend of hanging out and sex that Bucky's Father thinks is just going to be a weekend of sleeping and studying and playing Halo.

The headlights of Sam's car behind them distract Bucky from the white lines and he glances up, making eye contact with a bright yellow globe.

"You know what the best thing about getting out of this town is?" Steve unrolls his window, letting in a refreshing blast of cool night air.

Bucky doesn't speak, just turns his head towards Steve to show he is listening.

"Nobody knows you. It's like being completely invisible."

Invisible. Bucky doesn't really need another city to do that for him.

\- - -

The condo is on the 17th floor, and sprawling, with a large balcony on three sides. Bucky carries his duffle in and just takes it in, looking around with unblinking eyes.

"Shame Tony ain't here," Steve says, cutting on the lights.

Sam just shrugs.

"Anyway, man, pick a room, any room. We'll be down the hall," Shouldering his bag, Steve heads off towards one of several sets of double doors down a pristine white hallway.

The 'we' sinks in a second too late, the result of it being three o'clock in the morning after a long car ride, and Bucky stares at Steve like he just got shot.

Sam doesn't even blink, just disappears into one of the rooms, leaving Bucky to numbly follow after Steve.

It's the master bedroom, that much Bucky can infer simply from the fact that it has its own balcony and its own bathroom. Steve is already dumping the contents of his bag onto the top of the dresser, sweeping clothes into the top drawer and leaving the toiletries on top.

"We're sharing a room?" Bucky's voice cracks and he wants to bite his own tongue off.

Steve glances at him, "Yeah, Sam doesn't care." He shrugs, "I mean, you can sleep in your own room if you want. I don't mind, but it would be nice to have company."

The last time Bucky didn't sleep in his hometown, he was seven, and he wet the bed during a thunderstorm. It was their last family vacation.

"No, that's okay. I'll stay."

"Good!. I call the right side of the bed!." Steve unbuckles his belt, then stretches to pull his t shirt off.

"I know, you're always on the right," Bucky replies, tossing his bag onto a vacant armchair to do some undressing of his own. He's halfway through taking his pants off when he feels Steve looking.

"I'm gonna hit the shower."

Bucky rolls his eyes, kicking his jeans towards his armchair, "Seriously? It's like, 3:10, punk."

"So? We've showered later than that."

"Yeah, at home .But I’m tired so let’s just go to be Stevie, I promise I can make you all hot and sweaty."

Steve grins at that, punching him in the arm, "Screw you jerk!."

"Whatever. But I know you want me don’t deny it." Bucky winks while pulling his hair tie out his hair

"Okay, okay, fine. You win."

Victory is sweet. Bucky rewards himself by heading right for the bed.

Even though Steve has claimed the right side, Bucky is unsurprised to find that it's really more like the middle. He falls asleep to the sound of Steve's slow, steady breathing next to him in the dark, combined with the heavy, sweet smell of Steve; apples, mixed with something like a spice.

Nothing new there.

\- - -

Bucky wakes slowly, fading back into reality at such a sluggish pace that, at first, he isn't exactly sure why he's waking up at all.

Then, his brain slowly processes the body pressed against his back, the heavy breathing on his shoulder, and his own arousal.

Reason number one he's awake: his own morning wood. Reason number two: Steve's.

Grunting softly, Bucky rolls over onto his back, giving Steve the obvious green light that he's awake and aware. Steve makes the softest of sounds and shifts then, climbing on top of Bucky, mouth dropping to his immediately.

The kiss is deep, and Bucky opens his mouth to it right away, moaning softly when Steve's hips bump against his own. He doesn't waste a lot of time, spreading his legs apart with another moan, making sure he's got Steve's undivided attention.

Steve's hips start to move then, finding the perfect rhythm along with Bucky's that makes both of them moan. Bucky grumbles, running his hands along the band of Steve's boxers, and then his point is made. Panting a little hard in frustrated excitement, Steve pushes both their boxers down far enough for freedom, then resumes his grinding, pressing himself into Bucky until Bucky's breath hitches and he moans.

"Oh, baby." The term catches Bucky a little off guard, but then Steve's hands are sliding along the underside of his thighs, lifting his legs and encouraging them to wrap around the shelf of his hips. Then Steve finds real rhythm, thrusting against Bucky and moaning until his toes curl. He can't help but pant, wrapping his arms tightly around Steve's neck and shuddering against him. It's not sex, but it's good, really freaking good, and the sounds coming out of Steve's mouth prove the feeling is mutual.

Bucky manages to stutter Steve's name, tensing his hips in a begging attempt to get enough friction to finish, his frustration building to an amazing, yet also unbearable, level.

Steve's hips slide faster and his mouth finds Bucky's again for a sloppy kiss and a loud moan. Bucky shifts his legs, whining softly, and digs his nails into Steve's back, breathing quickly. Then he feels the tension in Steve's body, muscles flexing, and the rhythm of Steve's hips is lost as he bucks against Bucky with his orgasm.

The addition of his cum just makes everything slicker, and Bucky moans as Steve keeps going for him, the words sliding right out of his mouth even though it's a little late.

"Fuck me. Please, Stevie, fuck me."

Steve just groans, pulling Bucky's hip hard with one hand to press them together closer until, finally, Bucky's own muscles tense and he comes too, going happily limp under Steve a half a beat later to pant and catch his breath.

They've only been laying there a minute or so when a loud pounding on the door startles Bucky into opening his eyes. Steve shifts on top of him but doesn't really move yet.

Sam's voice carries through the wood as he pounds again, “ Yo, Steve, get up! There's no food in this entire building and I'm starving!"

Bucky glances at the clock. 1:45.

Steve shifts on top of him again, nuzzling the side of Bucky's neck moving his hair out the way in post-orgasm affection. Bucky is familiar with it, and also familiar with the fact that Steve will go back to being regular Steve soon enough, when he's less blissfully pleased with Bucky's body. However, when Steve's hips shift, Bucky's dick twitches in a way that tells him he could definitely go again, if the foreplay was convincing enough.

"Steve! GET UP! I want some cheap Chinese food and I want it RIGHT NOW!"

Chinese food. Bucky's stomach growls and Steve laughs, low and throaty. It's a turn on, and Bucky really has the dilemma of whether to keep Steve in the bed or convince him to take them for food instead.

"STEVEVEN GRANT ROGERS!" Sam pounds on the door again.

Steve pulls back a bit to look Bucky in the eye, lips parting in such a way that Bucky is pretty sure Steve's about to ask him whether or not he wants to get up.

Then the door opens and Sam walks right in, eyes glued to Steve like Bucky's not lying under him in what is a very suggestive position.

"Let's go. I'm seriously so hungry I'm about to die. Not funny anymore."

Bucky knows he's breathing way too hard and too fast, sinking back into the mattress like maybe Sam won't notice he's there. Which is stupid, because of course Sam knows or else he wouldn't have waited so long to come in the room.

There's a moment of tense silence in which Steve and Sam just stare at each other, making the kind of eye contact that is really an entire conversation. Then Steve sits back, straddling Bucky so that at least the blankets still cover them.

"You can drive yourself."

Sam doesn't break eye contact, "I don't have any gas."

Bucky's eyes slide over to the bathroom door. He could run in there maybe before Sam really saw anything, and then it would be okay. His muscles tense.

"Bucky," Steve says suddenly, turning to look down at him with a smile, "You hungry babe?"

Sam looks completely mortified. Like maybe it was okay so long as they ignored the person under his best friend, but since Steve has just shamelessly included him in the conversation, that means Sam has to include him, too.

Bucky swallows shocked, "...Yeah, kinda."

"Okay." Steve gives Sam another hard look, and then Sam retreats, leaving the room swiftly and closing the door behind himself.

Bucky immediately escapes from under Steve, scrambling for his clothes.

"You might wanna... wash up."

Bucky glances down at his stomach, and the cum on it, then drops his jeans and heads into the bathroom without a word, wetting a rag to wipe himself off. His face is bright red, but not from the need of a clean up, and he closes his eyes and running his hands through his hair now just leans against the counter to breathe, letting the tap run.

An unseen hand cuts it off, "Stop wasting water." Then Steve takes the rag and wipes Bucky down with it, letting him have a few minutes of just plain breathing, "It's okay Buck."

"What's okay Stevie?" Bucky voice cracks.

Steve uses the rag to clean himself next, "What just happened. It's not a big deal buck I promies."

Bucky finally opens his eyes, just staring at him.

Steve shrugs, "He already knew you were in here. What do you think he thought? That we were sharing a bed because I'm afraid of the dark?"

Bucky takes a deep breath, "Point."

"C'mon," Steve tosses the rag into the sink, "I'll buy you some Chinese food."

Taking another deep breath, Bucky follows him back into the bedroom and gets dressed.

\- - -

The Chinese place is the kind where you have to order. Steve gets them each a bowl of egg drop soup to shut Sam up and they eat in near complete silence until, finally, Steve breaks it with a loud sigh.

"We better party tonight or I'm gonna be pissed."

Sam rolls his eyes, eating a large spoonful of soup.

"Dude, you think I'm kidding but-"

Bucky sighs, tuning them out to concentrate on consuming the proper amount of calories so that, just maybe, he'll be able to think clearly. And, with that thinking, maybe he'll be able to figure out exactly when Steve decided it was okay for Sam Wilson to know that Steve was fucking him.

Bucky thought of Steve as... a closet case. A major closet case. But this isn't closeted at all. This is something Bucky hasn't prepared for: publicity. Sure, it's only Sam Wilson, but still. One person is way more than-

"-said that."

Bucky blinks, zoning back into the conversation in confusion.

Sam shrugs casually, "Hey. Who cares about him anyway?"

Steve's expression is dark, "A lot of people. You'd be surprised."

Bucky furrows his brow, "Huh?"

Steve glances his way, "Underclassmen. Sophomores, actually."

"Oh." Bucky doesn't bother hiding his lack of interest, eyes tracking their waitress as his spoon clinks against the bottom of the bowl, "So, what are we doing between now and night?"

Steve blinks.

"I'm going shopping," Sam announces, waving the waitress over with a smile.

"I was kinda thinking I'd just take a really long nap," Bucky reluctantly admits.

They both look at Steve at the same time.

Steve looks at Bucky, "Don't you want to go shopping with us Buck?"

Bucky feels his face flush he loves when Steve calls him that nickname, "...I don't have that much money."

Steve smiles his most charming smile, "Don't worry about it. I'll pay for you."

Sam shifts his attention to the waitress, "Yeah. Can I get three orders of fried rice, three orders of sweet and sour shrimp, a double sesame chicken, an order of pot stickers, and three eggrolls?" He turns back with a sarcastic grin, "You guys want anything?"

Bucky nearly snorts his diet coke laughing.

\- - -

Steve has barely walked past the barcode detectors when his face lights up, "Oh, I love this song!"

Sam rolls his eyes, "Ya? He's like, already old news."

Steve sticks out his tongue, but he's singing under his breath as he walks through the racks of clothes. Bucky smiles.

Steve immediately starts collecting a pile of silkscreen tshirts; a navy one with America flag across the front, a black one with paint splotches all over it. His style is sort of a mixture of everything, and it's impossible for Bucky to keep up with the fact that Steve owns Abercrombie polos AND slacks, with a healthy amount of ridiculous benies.

Sam's style is more subdued and classy, and Bucky watches him sort through a rack of button-downs, pairing them with jeans and jackets and jewelry. He buys things in outfits, whereas Steve just accumulates massive amounts of everything until he can't help but find something that matches.

"How big is your closet?" Bucky lets his shoulder brush Steve's, wanting his attention.

"It was supposed to be the master bath, and my room was the master bedroom. But my stepdad remodeled after my mom’s death." He holds up a red, plaid tshirt, "You're a large, right?" He doesn't wait for an answer before adding it to his pile.

Bucky blinks, "...Are you... shopping for me?"

"You need more clothes. Every time I take you anywhere, you wear the same stuff."

Bucky would be embarrassed, but he knows Steve doesn't mean anything by it. So he skips to the more important parts of the statement, "Every time you take me anywhere?" He raises a brow.

Steve shrugs one shoulder, "Maybe I'd take you more places if you had cuter clothes."

"Maybe I'd get cuter clothes if you would ask me to go somewhere."

Steve glances at him, scanning Bucky from head to toe, "Impossible."

Bucky gapes at him, slightly offended.

"I went about it exactly the right way." Steve waves at an employee to gather together all his shirts, then walks off towards the jeans.

Bucky is stunned for a moment, then follows, "No, this is entirely the wrong way."

Steve just scoffs, browsing through light wash.

"For one, you're deciding whether or not to spend time with me by what I'm WEARING? And secondly, you're never going to ask me to go anywhere I want to go."

Bucky isn't talking about just hanging out anymore.

Steve glances at him sharply, proving that he knows what they're really saying, "That so?"

"Yeah, it is! I've been thinking about it and... you're never going to ask me."

"Why don't you ask ME?"

Bucky grits his teeth, "Because I already told you I loved you and that went just spectacular." Steve holds a pair of jeans up to his hips and Bucky slaps his hands away, "Stop that! I'm not Barbie!"

He instantly regrets it when he sees the dark expression on Steve's face, "I know."

"Well, stop trying to play dress up, then."

"I'm not!" Steve tosses the jeans down, preparing to say something scathing, but Bucky rushes in to cover.

"Looks like it to me. Seriously, how does no one know you're g-"

The force of Steve's hand covering his mouth is actually painful, but the look on Steve's face is much worse, "What the fuck is wrong with you Bucky?" Then he lets go and disappears in the racks of jeans.

Bucky despairs, "Stevie..." He attempts to follow, but it's difficult to figure out where to go, "I was just messing around. Come on, dude." 

It takes a good deal of wandering before he finally stumbles upon Steve, running into him behind a display of dark wash jeans. He smells familiar, like cinnamon apples.

Bucky stares, making firm eye contact, "You're never going to ask me."

"You don't know that."

"I do," Bucky sighs, "I want my own room at the condo."

Steve's expression drops completely unreadable, though Bucky stares into his eyes for nearly a full minute trying to decipher something, anything. 

"Okay."

They continue to stare at each other for a moment, breathing a little hard, until an employee taps Steve on the shoulder.

"Sir? Are you checking out?"

Steve's sudden glare at Bucky is intense, "Yeah. I am."

\- - -

In the car, Bucky has to admit that he's not really sure what's wrong with him.

Steve is pissed, that much is obvious. Anger rolls off him in waves, and every time Bucky looks at him, all he sees is tense muscles and a locked jaw, knuckles white as Steve grips the steering wheel too hard.

Sam attempts to placate, babbling away about some text message he got about a certain house party going on that night, but Bucky doesn't listen. Instead, he stares at the sagging bags of clothes in the backseat with him, torn over whether it was right to cut Steve off or not. Because, on one hand, Steve is using him and he knows it.

But, on the other hand, it's Steve.

When they get back to the building, Steve manages to be completely silent through an elevator ride, a long walk down the main hall, and all the way back to the master bedroom. Bucky starts to get his shit together, and then he hears the click of the door closing.

Steve tosses a bag of clothes at him, and Bucky recognizes a few of the shirts enough to know that it's his bag. Then he can only watch as Steve strips and lays back in the bed. Something about his mood reminds Bucky of angry pouting.

He gets lost in staring, half-packed. Steve is laying on his stomach, and the smooth expanse of his tan, muscled back is fully exposed. Bucky takes it all in, running his eyes over the light spattering of freckles across Steve's shoulders and down the length of his spine. Then he has to skip over the cloth of Steve's boxers and go down, taking pleasure in scanning his eyes over the backs of Steve's thighs.

He's toed off his shoes and undressed before he really realizes what he's doing. Suddenly, the fact that Steve only wants him for a lover, the fact that he was finally making a stand about that, seems way less important than what he plans on doing.

Steve doesn't react when Bucky climbs on the bed, a pretty sure sign that he's fallen asleep again already. Rolling him over is easy; he only needs a little coaxing before he does it himself, settling onto his back with a deep hum.

Bucky runs his hands over Steve's thighs, sliding his hands up the legs of his boxers. Steve shifts then, and Bucky takes the moment to tug his boxers down a little. Then, knowing enough to roll his lips in, Bucky leans down and takes Steve into his mouth.

He's never given head before, but the sound Steve makes when he wakes up, knees bending as an automatic reflex, feet sliding against the smooth sheets in a futile attempt at finding purchase, is encouraging. It helps that Steve immediately gets hard in his mouth, breathing becoming heavy at the same moment.

"What are you doing?" Steve asks stupidly, but his hand settles in Bucky's hair at the same time, pulling out the hair tie.

Bucky's full knowledge of blowjobs comes mostly from porn, but he understands the general idea of it, too. So, taking a second to figure out how to breathe, he starts sucking.

It's sloppy, but he gets the impression that Steve likes that. Sucking steadily, he finds the rhythm that Steve's hips are shifting to and starts to bob his head as well. Mostly what he cares about is Steve's fingers, which are carding through his hair and tugging lightly on the strands whenever something is apparently really good.

Bucky learns quite a bit that way. Like the fact that Steve likes it a lot better when it's just a little sloppy, and that any movement from Bucky's tongue during all the sucking makes him squirm.

The noises Steve makes are soft and begging, and Bucky's dick hardens in his boxers just hearing them. The tugs on his hair make him shudder as well, and when he moans around Steve, he gets the pleasant surprise of hearing Steve moan right back.

Bucky doesn't know any tricks, so he just sucks. Steve's body squirms and rolls along with his slowly thrusting hips, and Bucky runs his hand up over Steve's stomach and chest, feeling the way his whole body moves along with the lift of his hips.

He can't help it. Dropping his other hand, Bucky rubs himself through the front of his boxers, moaning around Steve again. He can feel Steve's movement, the way Steve slowly thrusts up into his mouth, slow enough that it's not a shock to Bucky's throat at all, just something Steve really can't help doing. It seems dirty, and that turns Bucky on, too, and he wonders if it's weird that he likes it.

He's pretty sure Steve doesn't think so.

Letting his mouth go a bit slack, Bucky glances up and their eyes meet. He feels Steve's hand tighten into a fist in his hair head and then his hips are really thrusting up, fucking Bucky's mouth slowly. Bucky slides his hand into his boxers and moans, jacking himself off at the same pace. 

Steve's eyes are glued to him, with this glazed expression like he can't believe what they're doing, but his hips don't stop moving. At first, it's slow, but then Steve picks up, moaning with every single thrust up, fisting a handful of Bucky's hair.

"Fuck..." Steve's breathing is heavy, and Bucky moves his own hand faster, moaning again.

The roll of Steve's hips is careful and measured, slowly getting faster along with Steve's breathing until his legs fall wide apart, hips bucking up quickly into the wet heat of Bucky's mouth, slurring unintelligible curses along with rough, pleasured sounds. Bucky gives himself a squeeze and comes with a deep, rumbling moan, rolling his own hips down into his hand and swallowing around Steve on accident.

Steve's full body shudder is a surprise, as well as the sharp buck of his hips. He's so close that he stops breathing, and Bucky swallows again, moaning softly in encouragement until, finally, Steve groans his name, tugging hard on a fistful of hair as his hips lift up off the bed, pushing himself deep into Bucky's mouth, holding his head down until he's come.

The second Steve's hand gives slack, Bucky pulls away, grabbing the wastebasket by the bed and spitting a mouthful of cum into it. He runs his tongue up the inside of his top lip and winces, feeling a line there from his teeth that stings a little.

Steve smiles at him lazily, his hand sliding up Bucky's thigh to grab a handful of his ass. Bucky's dick twitches and he feels a pang of annoyance at Steve that goes away almost as quickly as it came.

Steve has tact. He doesn't say anything about rooms or questions or clothes or anything. He just rubs his hand over Bucky's ass, feeling him up shamelessly, hand sliding between his thighs.

"Did you come baby?"

Bucky nods mutely. The way Steve is touching him, he's embarrassed to feel the tent he's getting, and his cheeks heat up with a blush.

"You sure?" Steve's eyes are glued to the front of Bucky's boxers, and it's safe to say he's noticed the start of an erection. His hand runs back over Bucky's hip, then straight to the bulge in his underwear. Cupping Bucky firmly, he rubs slow enough to get a small, high-pitched keen out of the back of Bucky's throat.

"You know what you want?" Steve is still rubbing him and Bucky can only watch, breathing heavily, until the question finally sinks in.

"Yes."

Steve lays back and Bucky lays on top of him, hooking one leg over one of Steve's. He's feeling too lethargic for real action, and he knows Steve must feel the same way. So, straddling Steve's thigh, Bucky slowly grinds against him, rubbing himself against Steve's leg until he orgasms again with a deep shudder of satisfaction.

Steve rolls Bucky off him and onto his back, shifting on top of him to rest his weight between Bucky's spread legs, "Good boy."

The phrase isn't condescending to Bucky, just sexy, and he hums deeply in response, letting Steve mark his throat with a hickey. Then they lay still, lightly dozing for a while until Bucky's brain kicks in.

"Was it really good?"

Steve shifts on top of him, half asleep, "What?"

"The blowjob. I've never done it before."

Steve nods against his neck, "Yeah. It was really good Buck."

That makes Bucky feel better, and he relaxes, "Do you really like me, or do you just like having sex with me?"

Steve shifts on top of him again, slowly and lazily. His words are slightly slurred, heavy with sleep, but still understandable, "I really like you. I'm not that big of an asshole."

Bucky smiles then, closing his eyes, "You sure?"

He feels Steve nip him on the neck, a sharp little bite that barely even hurts after a couple seconds.

"Oh, shut up punk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! love to all please leave comments , kudos and love!!!!!


	14. The Storm comes crashing in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY!!! thanks for all the lovely comments..... sorry i haven't been on ive been extreme sick the last couple of weeks now im experiencing teeth pain which is like i cant bite down on my one tooth without it sending a sharp tingling pain into my cheek,

A lot of kissing, grinding, and dancing.

That's all Bucky can remember from the party. A hazy shadow of a night, with nothing but indistinct smudges of events left in his brain.

\- - -

Bucky wakes up all on his own late Sunday afternoon.

The party from the night before was a good one, but he can't remember much of it. He knows he wore new clothes, that Steve kept bringing him drinks, and that he felt something different. Something between them has sincerely shifted with the blowjob, but Bucky isn't positive he knows just what yet. But the physicality is different, more intense. He can remember how strained he felt the entire night from having Steve so close without being able to touch him.

Bucky's muscles throb dully, the sort of thing he's only felt on occasion.

Steve. Bucky shifts, popping his head out from under the covers. He can hear it now, the thrum of the shower. He can also hear the clink of an aerosol can on the counter, which means Steve isn't actually IN the shower. Sliding out from under the sheets, Bucky pads to the bathroom and looks inside.

Steve is standing right there, giving himself a Brazilian. Bucky obviously knows the general state of Steve's hairlessness; they're swimming and sleeping together, after all. But he's never actually seen any shaving take place before.

It's sort of a fascinating process, to watch someone else groom themself. Bucky briefly catches Steve's eye in the mirror, and then he watches him shave down smooth.

"Why are you keeping it shaved? We don't have any swimming until Tuesday punk."

Steve shrugs one shoulder, "I figured you liked it smooth jerk."

\- - -

Real power isn't in the basics, it's in the details.

Anyone on the street can lay on their back for Steve, but Bucky is realizing that it's Steve's fantasies that he needs to imitate.

He's already discovered one on accident, with the blowjob. And now he can practically see the difference in the way Steve's eyes cast over him. Like Steve is just now realizing what he'd like to do with Bucky. TO Bucky.

Whatever Steve feels, IF he feels, is unknown to him. But Bucky's already proven that he can't stay away from Steve, so now, it's just a matter of discovering him in a different sort of way. Not his personality, this time, but his physical needs.

Bucky knows that, after sex, Steve is like an open book. So, it's simply a matter of putting the pieces together. Better sex, and maybe Steve will be more open.

Maybe Steve will tell him what he wants to know.

\- - -

"So, you like it better smooth, or not?"

Steve climbs back in bed after his shower, his skin damply warm, but not wet. Bucky reaches down and runs his hand over Steve's pelvis thoughtfully, taking his time before answering.

"I don't know. I never actually thought about it." Steve's breath is warm against his bare shoulder, and Bucky lets his hand wander over everything within reach, feeling Steve's muscles relax and go limp, "I guess I like it smooth. I always imagined it that way."

He feels Steve shift.

"Does it bother you when I say stuff like that?"

Steve evades the question, "I never noticed you having this huge crush on me."

Bucky has so much he wants to say, but he sticks to what he knows Steve will be pleased hearing, "I have a lot of fantasies about you."

And there it is, the stir of Steve's lower body and, like oil on the ocean, Steve sliding on top of him with the soft, sexual growl of a predator. Bucky's breathing automatically becomes heavier, and he lets Steve's hand gently push his thighs apart.

Then the door opens, and the mood is broken by the loud voice of Sam Wilson, any trepidation he used to have over interrupting them long gone.

"Steve. your cell is ringing nonstop out in the living room, and I'm trying to watch a movie."

Steve's hand is still just resting on Bucky's inner thigh, but he lifts his head from the crook of Bucky's neck to glare at his friend, "Yeah, well, I'm kind of busy right now, man."

Bucky feels the tug of an idea in his brain. Testing the waters, he runs his hand up Steve's side and is pleased to feel Steve's muscles relax under his hand with longing.

"Dude, it's annoying as fuck." Sam whines, "I think it's your dad."

"Just turn it off!"

"I don't know how it works! Just go answer it!"

They glare at each other, but Bucky is uninterested. He can't help but like his new role as... whatever it is that Sam thinks he is to Steve. But he likes just the little bit of power over Steve it gives him. Like Sam has to admit that he matters. Sort of.

"Fine." Steve grinds out from between his teeth, waiting until Sam's left the room before climbing out of bed to pull on his boxers. Then he pads out the door and down the hall to answer his phone.

Bucky only half listens to Steve's loud conversation through the open door, rolling onto his side in the large bed. The sheets are smooth against his skin, and with his eyes closed, he can almost imagine that it's just him and Steve in the condo, alone. Playing with the rubber band on his wrist, he smiles wryly. It would be romantic if it were true. If Steve were even one for romance.

He's shaken aware by the sudden bark of Steve's voice, "Get up! Get the fuck up!"

Bucky blinks at him, and something on his face makes Steve stumble to explain.

"My dad, Get up."

Steve starts shoving his stuff into his bag, and some of Bucky's too. It doesn't matter whose is whose, just that the evidence of their time in the room is erased.

Bucky watches him numbly until Steve throws him his boxers.

"My dad and his girlfriend are coming down. Here. For the week."

Everything clicks into place and Bucky has the dim feeling of relief that they'll be leaving soon. Then he slides to the floor, helping Steve shove all their belongings into one bag or the other. It's the work of moments, since they're barely unpacked to begin with, and then Steve picks up both bags and carries them down the hall, depositing his own in the closest bedroom and carrying Bucky's all the way down the hall, to the farthest.

"Will they ruin our weekend?" Bucky asks, thinking of his vague memories of last night's party with Sam and Steve.

"No," Steve shakes his head, and for an instant, his eyes flicker over Bucky in a way that makes Bucky's heart beat fast, "Just ours." And he knows that Steve isn't including Sam.

\- - -

Their arrival is both exactly what Bucky expected and nothing like what he thought.

Alexander Pierce's voice is booming, and the moment he steps in the door, Bucky is aware of him. He is not, however, interested in his step-son or his step-son's friends. Talking loudly into his phone headset, he makes a quick march through the condo to a room at the back that serves as his office. He closes the door behind him.

Steve's dad’s girlfriend arrives fifteen minutes after him, and by that point, Steve is ready in the entrance hall. Bucky stands far off to one side, but that doesn't stop him from seeing the way Steve looks at his dad new girlfriend. For an unguarded instant, Bucky sees the desperation and longing on Steve's face for a mother.

Then, his mask is back.

"How was your trip?" Steve asks after a long stretch of silence, watching her as she mixes herself a drink at the bar.

She sighs dramatically, "I really don't have time for this, Steven." Then, turning, her eyes come to rest on Bucky, "Who's this?"

Steve looks suddenly angry and steps in front of Bucky hand grabbing Bucky’s wrist tight, and his answer is a bit too snappy, "Bucky. You met him before."

"No need to get uppity about it son."

"You met him before and DON’T CALL ME SON! You’re not my mother!," Steve shouts at her.

She takes a swig of her drink, glancing at her him before resting her eyes on Bucky looking at him up and down with hunger, "Are you staying?"

Bucky blinks before he can say anything Steve says, "Yes."

She exhales sharply, a sound of annoyance, "Be quiet, Steven. Stop trying to make a scene in front of our guest do you want an appointment with your father?."

"MY guest and like you would really call my father to beat me up again."

She ignores him, still looking Bucky up and down, "Well, damn it. If I'd known you were going to have people over, Steven, I would have done something with the place. It looks like a fucking mess." Downing her drink before setting the empty glass down on the bar, she gives Steve a brief, angry look before pulling out a carton of cigarettes.

"WOMEN!" Alexander suddenly yells from the office.

Rolling her eyes, she lights a cigarette and steps out on the balcony, ignoring Steve's screaming father.

Steve turns then and walks out, leaving Bucky to desperately follow. Steve's new room is dark with all the lights out, and Bucky shuts the door behind himself, making it even darker.

Steve presses him back against the door, kissing Bucky a little too hard, hands roughly running over his body. It hurts a little, and Bucky makes a small, high sound, squirming. Then Steve pulls back all at once, pressing his face into Bucky's shoulder.

"It's so fucked up. It's just fucked up."

Bucky has no response, and for a minute, the only sound is his own heavy breathing.

"I want my dad around and I want him to come home, but when he shows up with HER!, I can't think about anything except how much I hate them, how much I want to run away and never feel hurt again. Buck how can I be loved if my own step-father can’t love me?."

Steve's confession is a little startling, and Bucky stumbles over himself trying to form a response only to be interrupted.

"I hope they choke on an olive."

And then Bucky figures it out. He wraps his arms around Steve and pulls him in closer and just stands there, letting all Steve's anger get through his system.

"You're right. An olive? That's pretty fucked up."

Steve is surprised into laughter, and he presses closer, "I know."

\- - -

They're watching movies in the sitting room, just wasting time until it gets late enough to fool around by themselves, when Alexander walks in. He doesn't look at Steve so much as THROUGH him, straightening his tie.

"Your new mother wants you and your little friends to come to dinner with us."

The moment he's gone, Sam starts shaking his head, "No fucking way."

Bucky knocks his knee against Steve's, "I'll go with you."

Sam shakes his head again, whispering fiercely, "I won't! Your dad is fucking psycho!"

Steve sighs, "STEP DAD! C'mon. They'll probably take us somewhere really nice. Free rich people food and did you hear him my new mother? What the fuck????"

"Whatever. Take lover boy with you. Dude I ain't going and looks like another whore is after the money Steve sorry man but falcon out!."

Bucky blinks in surprise at his new title, "Lover boy? Really? Just because you caught us in bed doesn’t mean we were doing anything!"

Sam just glances at him dismissively "like you’re really going to sit there and tell me you were not having a little treasure hunt looking for the x marks the spot? I could hear you guys the whole night! OH STEVE. FUCK ME! Thanks but no thanks I had to move room’s cause of it so don’t lie lover boy! 

"Dude, don't be an ass! Leave Buck out of this. What we do in our own time is not your problem, so keep your mouth shut I can’t have my step dad finding out you know what he will do to me. And who the fuck calls themselves the Falcon? We have to go," Steve sighs into his hands.

"He'll kick my ass Steve! And I can call myself anything I want! Me and Clint are Hawkeye and Falcon so suck it oh wait that’s Bucky’s job."

"No he won't. That's what I'm for to take the punches and oh god you and Clint sound like some bad rap duo. And wouldn’t you like to know what Bucky does for me." Steve stands up grabbing Bucky’s hand, "Just go get dressed."

Sam sighs.

\- - -

It IS a nice restaurant, though Bucky, Sam, and Steve are extremely underdressed.

Bucky sits as close to Steve as possible. His step dad remembers Sam, but Bucky is the mystery, and he stare at him for a long time.

"Who's he?" Alexander barks, sipping his water.

"Steven's friend. Barnacle." Say his dad girlsfrind

Steve looks pained, though Bucky isn't sure why, "Bucky."

She waves his comment away dismissively, alexanders eyes are on Bucky, "Have I met your Father?"

Steve steps in quickly, "No. He works with the board of education." His lie confuses Bucky at first, until he sees Mr. pierces scandalized expression.

"What does your Mother do?"

The lie slips off his tongue before he can stop himself, harsh and cruel and completely satisfying, "She's dead."

Steve clears his throat.

"Oh, how dreadful." he says in a low, even tone that sounds too polite, "I don't know what I'd do in his place. I don't see how I'd find the time to work on the clock, between my hobbies and the children."

Sam chokes on his drink and Steve pounds him on the back.

Bucky isn't sure where it's coming from, but some territorial instinct in him rises up, and for the first time in his life, his behavior could be described as catty.

"Oh, right." His tone matches alexanders, overly polite and even, "Aren't there two others after Steve?"

"Yes. My youngest is two, a really difficult age."

"Four," Steve quietly corrects, "Jack's four."

There is a moment of awkward silence, then he laughs, like that fixes everything, "Oh. Yes."

Bucky hates him, "And there's another one?"

"Yes. Brock." He pauses, looking slightly panicked, "He's... older."

"That's really interesting," Bucky snaps, "Three kids still in town? I've never seen you around."

Steve's hand finds his thigh and squeezes in warning.

"Yes, well, im very busy with my practice in Washington D.C., right, Steve? I’m extremely busy."

"Yes, I've heard." Bucky tries to stop himself, but can't, "I've heard all about how... busy you are."

Steve rubs his thigh, sliding up between his legs in a blatant attempt at distraction. Tipping his head down, he mutters quietly to Bucky, "Stop it."

"Excuse me?" Steve's dad sets down his glass, "Are you trying to imply something?"

"No, I'm not." Bucky shoves his chair back, suddenly furious, "I'm saying exactly what I mean."

He knows one thing: that Steve can't be punished for his own bad behavior. So, standing up suddenly, he stares hard at him for a long moment.

"Excuse me. I have to vomit."

Then, shoving his chair back in place, he heads for the door.

He's been outside all of a minute when Steve and Sam stumble out after him. Grabbing him hard by the jacket, Steve pushes him into the alley by the restaurant and into the shadows, pressing close.

Sam's grin glows in the dark, "Dude, you're an asshole. But you were strong like a soldier and cold like winter aghhh I found your new nickname!!!!! Dude you’re the winter soldier!!!! Man I’m awesome I’ve gotta text Clint"

Steve's smile is incredibly bright, and for the first time, Sam looks at Bucky with real respect instead of blank tolerance.

The words tumble out in a hushed whisper as Bucky leans in without warning, pressing his lips against Steve's, "I love you."

He's not sure Steve even hears them at all.

"Let's get out of here. I know this place right off the beach... an old warehouse. There should be a rave going."

Sam tips his head back like he's praising God, "Yes! Finally! THIS is what I came down here for!"

Bucky lets Steve and Sam pull him along, but he just can't seem to catch his breath.

\- - -

Late that night, body still churning with the dregs of alcohol from the party, body dusted with a thin coating of sand, Bucky lays by himself in his bed.

The room is dark and his mind betrays him, spinning the shadows into the terrifying form of Steve's father bending over him. Of a thousand different, indistinct things.

He stumbles from the bed, heart pounding as imagined monsters reach for him, unsteady on his feet from all the alcohol. Somehow, he makes it out into the hall, winding his way down to the last room before the master bedroom and opening the door. The shadows jump at him.

"Stevie," He hisses to the dark, stepping inside and forcing himself to shut the door behind. In the pitch black, he imagines horrible things, like severed heads and disembowled children and Alexander pierce standing there with a belt ready to beat him for being rude at dinner.

Then he hears the soft rustle of sheets and Steve's voice, thick with whiskey and sleep, "Buck?"

"Stevie." He steps forward, then stops. Somehow, the room can spin even when all he sees is blackness, "I'm scared."

More rustling sheets as Steve sits up, "Are you ok? Where are you? Are you having a nightmare again" The mattress creaks.

"Stevie, I’m scared! Please help me I don’t wanna do it please." He screams

Then he feels the press of Steve's body in the dark, "No you ok. None of this is real, nobody is making you do anything you ok buck just breath."

Steve smells like cinnamon and apples, and when he lays next to Bucky in the bed, it's easier to not think about the things he sees in his mind from when he was yonger. If he closes his eyes and just smells Steve's skin, then he can distract himself from the nightmares that haunt him.

Steve doesn't fall back asleep right away, just lays with Bucky in the bed, repeating the same thing over and over, "It's not real, I’m with you till the end of the line buck."

It works, and the last thing Bucky sees before he falls asleep is just plain darkness.

\- - -

Sam comes into Steve's room with an offering of three cups of steaming black coffee and a tableau of aspirin. If Bucky's presence in the bed is surprising, it doesn't show on his face, and after setting the tray on the bed, he crawls under the covers on Steve's other side, looking hungover and exhausted.

"Your new mom woke me up. She's drunk, and she thought my room was hers."

Steve snorts softly. Bucky only groans in pain.

"Do you feel okay buck?" Steve pitches his voice low, turning his head in Bucky's direction.

"No. I'm dying stevie."

"In that case, can I drink your coffee, too?"

Bucky opens his eyes at that, reaching for the cup, "No, no you can't."

Steve just smiles.

It's Monday, now, and the idea of another party actually turns Bucky's stomach. Steve only glances at him over the rim of his own mug, as if silently reading his thoughts.

"Let's do something low key today, please. I don't think I'm up for something hardcore."

They each take their share of the aspirin like a promise.

\- - -

For the first time since coming to the beach, Bucky actually SEES the beach, and he falls in love.

They lay out on towels doing nothing for hours, dozing in the sun and getting tans, with the exception of Sam, not that he seems to mind.

At one point, as they roll over to lay on their stomachs in an effort to keep even, Steve studies him.

"Are you bored?"

Bucky yawns lightly, settling happily onto his towel and closing his eyes, "No. I like doing nothing."

He knows it's a testament to how lame he is, but he doesn't care. It's also the truth


	15. The flower begins to bloom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone   
> im super sorry it's been a month since i updated.... i finally made it to college! it SUCKS! but alot of HOT guys tho so that makes me extremly happy. well the updates now will be whenever i have a free space to breath but ill try my hardest! thanks everyone for the kudos love you all!!!! keep hitting it up and sharing the love.

On the way home, Bucky indulges in Steve's lazy hangover, sprawling across the seats with his legs out the window. Head in Steve's lap his hair fanned out around him, he smacks gum and looks at a pamphlet full of vacation spots, picked up from the last gas station.

"Will you take me to Disneyworld?"

Steve's smile widens, and he looks down, "Disneyworld!"

"Yeah." Bucky blows a bubble, "I've never been."

"Oh my god, I love anything Disney I can’t believe you’ve never been! We got to go." 

They stop at a red light, and Bucky sits up.

Steve frowns, "What are you doing?"

"You sure, you want to go with me?"

He shakes his head up and down, obviously watching Bucky's mouth as he blows another bubble. Leaning forward, Steve snaps his teeth at the pink sphere, popping it and stealing Bucky's gum, which he smacks loudly in triumph.

"Ew," Bucky makes a face.

Steve smirks, "Oh, shut up. My tongue's been in your mouth, same thing." Bucky starts to reply, but Steve cuts him off, grinning widely, "And that's not all that's been in your mouth, either."

Bucky's face heats up and he punches Steve in the arm, "Don't be a jerk."

Steve leans in then, and Bucky is surprised to receive a soft nuzzle to his jaw that dips down to his neck, "I'm not. I worship you punk."

This time, his blush is from pleasure, and he knows it, "Shut up."

The light turns green and Bucky lays back down so Steve can continue to drive. They ride in silence, with only the scenery for company.

\- - -

"Well, how was the beach?" Phil questions innocently when Bucky walks in the door.

Bucky's mind is elsewhere, mostly in the vicinity of Steve's hips sloping up out of his boxers, the crest of them pointing down to his penis in a V.

"James? The beach?"

He blinks that time, looking over at him, "Fine. It was nice weather. I'm going to take a shower."

In reflection, his answer was a bit choppy. But he's already set his mind to the shower, and he doesn't have much interest in conversation. Bounding up the stairs, he tosses his bag onto his bed and pulls his t shirt off over his head, tossing it into a distant corner.

He pauses in his removal of his jeans to glance at his own reflection in his closet mirror, turning to the side a little bit. He's not exactly sure what Steve sees, but it must be something. Maybe Steve likes muscular guys instead of skinny toothpick girls. Or maybe Steve just likes someone who's willing to lay down for him. Frowning at the thought, Bucky kicks his jeans off and steps into the bathroom.

He automatically picks at his face a little as he waits for the water to warm up, his hair needs to be cut he notices but there's not much to pick at . The chemicals in the pool water don't really support oily skin or his hair but whatever pulling it back into a bun. When he sees steam, he steps inside.

He washes from the bottom up he's about to leave when he happens to glance down, and then he pauses. Staring at his crotch, he feels himself blush just a little.

Steve never says anything about anything, but surely he has some kind of preference. And he shaves himself. Glancing at his razor, he looks back down, then bites his lip.

He's mildly attached to his hair, but maybe it's time for something new.

\- - -

That night, Bucky is planning to actually get some sleep in when his phone goes off. Squinting at the sudden, bright light, he picks it up and opens the message.

[ STEVIE 12:01 am]

where u? 

Bucky stares at the text for a long time before he deigns to answer it.

[ BUCKY 12:10 am ]

home 

[ STEVIE 12:11 am ]

@ a party come get me

[ BUCKY 12:11 am

i cant ]

[ STEVIE 12:13 am

i dunno where Sam went come get me ]

[ STEVIE 12:13 am ]

plz 

Bucky chews his lip a bit, then sighs.

 

[ BUCKY 12:16 am]

where? 

[ STEVIE 12:17 am]

Peggy’s

Bucky sighs again, but slides out of bed, tugging on a pair of athletic shorts and grabbing his flip flops. Tossing them out the window, he takes the tree down. Going over to Natasha's car, he finds the keys in the center console, like always, and takes off.

\- - -

Peggy's house is in The Heights, a showy suburb north of the high school and about twenty minutes away from it. Bucky drives slow the whole way, yawning into the crook of his elbow. When he finally arrives at the English-style mansion, he's an hour late and it doesn't look like much of a party. Pulling up the drive, he parks on the lawn and gets out, going to the door and, after a moments pause, knocking.

No one comes to answer it, even though lights are on. When Bucky tries the knob, it's unlocked, and he steps inside quietly, distantly thinking that he forgot his flip flops in the car and will be tracking dirt everywhere. It doesn't really bother him, and he walks into the foyer, leaving the door wide open.

From upstairs, he hears the low tinkling of music. It gets louder as he travels along the second story landing towards another open door. His stomach sinks suddenly with fear, or dread, and he looks inside.

They're making out on Peggy's bed, Steve on bottom, and Bucky takes the sight in one single look, then cauterizes the wound, blinking it away.

"Stevie?."

Peggy looks up with a shriek. Steve wiggles his way out from under her, lips red and swollen, and slides off the bed, "Later."

Bucky is numb the entire way downstairs and out the door, but when he hears the dull slam of each of their car doors, everything swells up at once and all the air rushes out of his lungs.

"Did you do that on purpose?"

Steve's face is turned away, towards the blackness out the window, and he doesn't answer.

Bucky clenches his teeth, "You're such a jerk. That's low and you know it."

Steve's head bows and he picks at his jeans, "I didn't think you were coming."

"So you made out with Peggy to punish me?"

Steve turns away again, "No. I made out with Peggy because she made a move on me and if I said no, she'd tell everybody."

In the silence, Bucky imagines their hearts beating at the same dull, frightened pace.

"Are you even gay?" It's the first time they've really voiced it, The Issue, and Bucky holds his breath, waiting for the answer.

Steve inhales, turning to look at him finally, "Yeah. I mean yes, I'm gay."

Bucky nods, holding his gaze, "Yeah. Me too."

They stare at each other for a few minutes and then Bucky starts the car and takes him home.

\- - -

In school the next morning, Bucky doodles on a sheet of Spanish vocabulary, head filled with the contents of the night before. His eyes are glued to Steve's back and, after a glance around just in case, he shifts forward in his seat, laying his right hand at the edge of his desk where it's closest to Steve's chair. Glancing to the side again, he slides his hand forward and runs his finger down a couple notches of Steve's spine.

Steve tenses.

Smiling to himself, Bucky rubs with two fingers, staring down at his work like it's actually interesting. No one notices but Steve, who shifts in his seat.

After a quick glance up at the teacher, Bucky slides his hand along the back ridge of Steve's seat to run his fingers up the back of his right bicep and under his sleeve, tickling him along the soft hairs there until he hears Steve's breath catch. Then he pulls his hand back.

When the bell rings for break, Steve turns and catches his eye, then grabs his books and sprints out, leaving Bucky to chase after him. Weaving through the crowded halls, he follows Steve up one flight of stairs and down the hall into a bathroom. He's barely had time to drop his books onto the shelf before Steve is crowding him back into the handicapped stall.

Their lips meet and Bucky's pulse races. The soft, satisfied sounds Steve makes into his mouth are accompanied by frantic groping, hands sliding down to the buckle of Bucky's belt and undoing it with a quick tug.

Bucky tips his head back hopefully and Steve responds, nuzzling his way to the side of Bucky's neck and suckling softly on the skin their until Bucky moans. The soft sound echoes in the empty bathroom.

Steve gets his buttons undone and his hand slides down, rubbing over the cloth of boxers before dipping inside. Then he stops.

Bucky tries not to pant too loud. Swallowing, he shifts his hips, "What?"

Steve pulls his hand back, pushing Bucky's pants down a bit before pulling the band of his boxers out.

"You shaved."

Bucky nods, trying to form coherent sentences, "Yeah."

He expected to see Steve's eyes light up in interest, but the opposite is happening. Steve's expression is nearly blank, but easy to read.

"You don't like it." It's not a question.

Steve is just staring at Bucky's dick, and he doesn't say anything. Bucky squirms awkwardly, trying to escape and maybe run off before anything else goes wrong, but finally, Steve speaks.

"I just... liked it better before."

Bucky sighs slightly, "I just thought, since you shaved yours..."

Steve rubs his fingers over smooth skin and Bucky loses his train of thought, breathing heavily again, "Will you let it grow back?"

Bucky was never completely ungroomed, he just wasn't completely bare, either. He knows what Steve means.

"Yeah, if you want."

Steve nods then, dropping his mouth back to the hickey with a low mumble of, "Good."

\- - -

A Monday night sleepover isn't exactly the type of thing Phil Coulson would usually agree to, but then again, the Tuesday morning math test might be a major deciding factor. That, and the supposed tutoring going on all night at Steve's house.

In the end, though, Steve really DOES tutor him, and Bucky finds himself only mildly disappointed. At least he'll pass the test.

By 10:30, they're both laying in Steve's bed in the dark, and it's there that Steve finally makes his move. Laying close to Bucky, breathing the same air, he reaches over and runs his hand between his legs.

Bucky opens his eyes automatically, even though it's too dark to see.

Steve turns the motion into a soft rubbing, keeping it up until Bucky can't help it anymore and rocks his hips against it. Then Steve's hand goes across his hip to his ass, using it as leverage to pull him in closer.

They've never had sex in pitch darkness before, and the experience is different. When Steve enters him, Bucky can hear the soft hitch of his breath and feel the way he tenses a little. He imagines the way Steve always bites his lip. The way his pupils dilate, darkening his blue eyes with lust. 

Each thrust is deep and slow, drawing a sound up out of Bucky when it hits just the right spot. And every time, deeper and rougher than his own moan, Steve moans back. Pleased that Bucky is pleased.

Towards the end, Steve's hips adopt a perfect rhythm, natural to him in the midst of the natural act. Their breathing lines up, identical pants in the otherwise silent darkness, until Steve stops a few seconds before his orgasm. Then his hips buck, pushing Bucky to exactly where he wants to be.

Afterword, Steve rests his head on Bucky’s left shoulder and kisses it, drawing a laugh out of him.

"You need a tattoo from your left peck right down your left arm, That'd be hot."

Then, happy enough for the moment, they both fall asleep  
\------------  
Bucky wakes up scratching.

"Ugh. What the fuck..." Everything below his boxers itches, and he can't help but scratch it. Under his fingers, he feels stubble, "Fuck." He rubs his palm over his crotch.

"What is it?" Steve slurs next to him, turning his face to one side to breathe against Bucky's throat.

Bucky holds his breath. He doesn't really know what to say. He tries to fight the urge to scratch, "Uh... I think I got razor burn."

Steve takes a long time to answer, too sleepy to think fast, "Where?"

Bucky bites his tongue. Stupid fucking swimming and their stupid fucking shaving. He sighs inwardly, "On my crotch."

That gets Steve moving. Opening his eyes, he lifts up the sheets and looks down, "Yep." Unconcerned, he settles back in.

Bucky tries not to squirm, "It itches."

"Well, don't scratch it. You'll fuck yourself up."

Bucky is distinctly embarrassed, "...Sorry."

Steve shrugs, "Don't apologize to me. I don't care what it looks like, so long as the bumps aren't herpes."

Bucky can't help but laugh, shoving his face away, "Shut up, jerk!."

Steve grins mutters softly something sounding like “ you love it punk” , rolling off of him and onto his back. They lie in silence for a good ten minutes before Steve breaks it.

"So I was thinking. About, you know, that conversation we had."

Bucky shifts to show he's listening.

"The one in the clothes store."

Oh. Bucky feels a small flare of anger for an instant at the memory.

"And, well, I was thinking..." Steve shifts, moving his foot to the side and into a cool place in the bed, "Of asking."

Bucky stills, "...Asking what?"

"Asking IT."

"What?"

Steve grinds his teeth nervously, fidgeting and moving his feet again, "If you'd go. With me." He shifts, "To, uh, my dad engagement party."

"You're asking-asking?"

Steve sighs, "Yeah. Like, it has to be a secret. But yeah."

"Why are you asking me?"

Steve shifts again, "Who else'm I gonna ask?"

Coming from Steve, this is practically a romantic statement. Bucky is surprised.

"When is it?"

"This weekend."

Bucky rolls over, heart beating so fast that he feels like he's going to have a heart attack, or maybe die from happiness, or both. Propping his upper body up on his elbows, he looks down at Steve.

"So..." He chews his lip, "You're asking me for real? Like..."

Steve glances away, "Yeah. Are you going to make it a big deal or something?"

"How come you're doing it all of a sudden?"

Steve is silent for several beats, and when he speaks again, he's mumbling, "Tony told Sam that Peggy told him that Sharon was gonna ask you out."

Bucky is so startled by Steve's honesty that he laughs, "So you're asking me out before someone beats you to it?"

Steve scowls, crossing his arms defensively, "Yeah, so what? I'm not touching stuff she's touched. I don't share."

"I have to share you with Peggy?."

Steve shrugs one shoulder, looking away again, "Well, I figured if I was asking you out... I'd find a way to get out of... that."

Bucky bites his lip, "Really?"

Steve nods stiffly.

"So..." Bucky smiles, shifting, "Does this mean-"

"Yes."

He grins, "You don't even know what I was gonna say!"

"Yeah, I do. Yes. This means I really like you."

Bucky grins wider, and he can't stop himself from leaning forward to kiss Steve.

It feels good.

\- - -

"Hey, hold up." Steve stops walking, already turning around, "I forgot my wallet."

Bucky wants to wait for him, but the others have already nodded and moved on, and he feels compelled to go along with them. But sitting down at the lunch table without Steve's protection is a mistake.

"I went and saw Clint yesterday." Tony states, "He said they're talking to him about the third week of October. He's already back home and all, and his rehab starts next week."

It's the second week of September. Bucky looks down at his lap.

Tony snorts, "What's the matter freak? Afraid you'll lose your spot?"

Bucky glares at him, but says nothing.

Tony shrugs, "You should be. Clint's a senior. Coach loves him."

Sam kicks Tony, "Hey, man-" He frantically looks over Tony's shoulder.

Tony kicks him back, speaking only to Bucky, "I don't know what you did to get Steve to help you out, but he won't be able to do shit about-"

Bucky looks up, behind Tony's back, and makes eye contact with Steve in the same moment as Steve speaks.

"Bucky's a good swimmer and my best friend to back off Tony."

Tony tenses slightly at being overheard, but sucks it up, "He's a loser. Do we HAVE to sit with him? And hang out with him? and now he is your best friend?? So was i!!! " He gives Steve a pained look, 

Steve grits his teeth.

Bucky sighs on the inside. Of course this would happen. On the best day ever. But he doesn't want Steve to lose his friends, doesn't want the drama of Steve choosing him over anyone else. So, steeling himself against the stares from the rest of the lunchroom, he grabs his stuff and stands up. Avoiding eye contact with any of them, especially Steve, he flees the lunchroom.

He eats alone in front of his locker. Just like old times.

\- - -

He doesn't see Steve between classes at all, and the math test makes talking impossible. By the time the end of the day comes, Steve looks urgent, and he manages to corner Bucky in the guy's locker room.

"You're mad at me."

He keeps trying to make eye contact, but Bucky avoids it, "No I'm not."

"Then why haven't you gone to your locker all day?"

Bucky chews the inside of his lip, shrugging one shoulder, "I knew this was gonna happen. I don't want to start shit."

"What about the bet?"

The bet. They haven't talked about the bet in a long time.

"What about it?"

Steve tilts his head, finally catching Bucky's eye, "You don't have to do anything."

"Yeah, well, I didn't exactly hear anyone singing my praises."

Steve frowns, "I did."

Bucky pushes him away, trying to make it past him to get to the pool, "I don't want to sit with you and your stupid friends anyway!"

Steve lets him go.


	16. flowers are meant to be loved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY! 
> 
> i would like tp say im extremely sorry for taking forever to write another chapter. here is the deal i was at college and yes it was very hard but now im on summer break and im here again! i love you all and i never forgot about any of you! thanks for all the love and enjoy this chapter!

At the end of practice, Bucky positions himself to Fury's left, where he can't make eye contact with Steve.

"Now, meet's coming up this Thursday. You've got an excused absence from school, so I'm not taking any shit doctor's excuse short of you on your death bed. Don't miss it. Be here at six, bus leaves at six thirty." He turns to his right, glaring at Steve, "Don't forget."

When they're dismissed, Bucky skips his shower and changes back into his jeans and lether jacket , leaving quickly from his locker. He hears Fury's loud scream of 'ROGERS!' and then a hand grabs the back of his jacket, yanking him backwards.

The gym door swings shut. Steve's wet footprints lead in a slick trail to Bucky.

"What if I want you to eat lunch with my dumb friends?"

Bucky rolls his eyes.

"I'm not saying it cause..." Steve skips over any kind of reference to the fact that they're fucking, "I'm captain of the swim team and you're on it. You're a good swimmer."

Bucky stops rolling his eyes.

"Who gives a fuck about Clint leg? Tony's a stupid shit for bringing him up. If anybody loses their spot, it'll be him. He's got the worst times out of all of us."

Bucky has to think about that.

"You belong on the team..." Steve is slowly dripping a puddle onto the linoleum, "The TEAM. Don't let Tony push you out. You should sit with the rest of us."

"ROGERS!" The gym door swings back open, and Fury's voice fills the hall, "Don't pull this shit on me today! I'm not listening to the janitors bitch again about water in the hall! Get in here NOW!"

Steve grins at Bucky and, backing up, he winks.

When they're both gone and Bucky's alone in the hall again, he allows himself to smile.

\- - -

Sitting in his room at home, Bucky studies the drawings of himself on his walls.

His favorite by far is the one of him sleeping, and he stares at it for a long time, trying to see what Steve could possibly be seeing.

Picking up his phone, he dials Steve's number. It picks up on the second ring.

"Buck!."

Bucky stares at the drawing, "is Tony going to be at this engagement party?"

He can hear Steve turning down his music in the background, "Yeah."

"Do we have to sit with him?"

"Yeah."

Bucky raises a brow, though Steve can't see it, "Am I allowed to insult him?" He tries not to sound thrilled about it.

"No." He can practically hear Steve rolling his eyes, "Pepper wouldn't like that."

"Pepper?"

Steve laughs, "That's Tony’s girlfriend a close friend of mine."

"Oh."  
"Well at least I will be there to distract you"  
Bucky grins, "Wow, sex it always on your mind, I must be really good at it then if that’s all you think about."  
He hangs up before Steve can answer

 

Thursday morning, Bucky has to force himself out of bed to get ready. By the time he's showered and dressed, packing his duffle bag with all his stuff, it's 5:50. Yawning, he drags himself downstairs and follows his father and Natasha out to the car.

"I wish I could go to the meet," Phil says, unlocking the doors for them.

He shrugs, too tired to say much, "It's not a big deal."

"How's your breaststroke coming? You haven't said anything."

Bucky digs in his jacket pocket for a pack of gum and a hair tie, taking out a piece and putting it in his mouth, "Fine." It occurs to him that he forgot breakfast and great no hair tie.

"This is the first meet you'll go to without me." Phil says as he pulls to a stop in the school parking lot by the bus.

Bucky shrugs then exits the car. Natasha gives Phil a hug , then follows him out.

On the bus, Bucky can hear rap pumping from the back, where the swim team is talking loudly. The cheerleaders claim the middle of the bus, leaving the front for their respective coaches. He tosses his duffle bag on top of a pile of other bags in some empty rows and Steve pulls him into a seat.

Several seats ahead, a red-faced Peggy Cater yanks Natasha over and starts muttering to her animatedly, looking more than a little upset. Bucky watches, but Peggy is speaking too low for him to hear.

He's opened his mouth to ask Steve what he did to get away from her when Fury walks onto the bus, arms piled with water jugs. The cheerleading coach, a stern woman that Bucky has never spoken to, helps him pass them out.

"Start drinking."

Bucky forgets all about Peggy for the time being.

\- - -

The bus ride is long and only slightly torturous. Bucky holds his arm still and lets Steve draw a large star on his forearm with red and grey Sharpie. Bucky takes the opportunity to chat.

"Is your dad coming to the meet?"

Steve shakes his head, "Step dad, He never goes to away games until finals."

"How come?"

Steve shrugs, concentrating on his drawing, "It's a hassle." He draws in silence for a minute, "Does your real dad go to any meets?"

Bucky snorts, turning to look out the window, "No."

"How come?"

"Cause he's an asshole." Bucky accidentally jerks his arm, and Steve makes a stray mark.

"Hey, hold still." Licking his thumb, Steve rubs at the ink until it comes off.

"Sorry."

Steve glances up at him, blue eyes steadily observing Bucky, "Do you even WANT your real dad to come?"

"He should try to care."

Steve shrugs, carefully outlining his red star with grey, "Maybe he doesn't. And maybe it's better that way. You're still good without him."

Bucky watches him draw, "I guess."

"So... does he know about anything?"

Bucky gets his meaning, "No. Nobody knows except Nat. And my adoptive dad."

Steve glances up at him again briefly, "At least you have them."

Bucky uses his free hand to take a swig of his water, "Yeah. That's true." He watches the countryside pass outside his window, "I guess I don't appreciate them enough."

"You don't." Steve says in his harsh way of telling the truth, "When was the last time you told your dad about your day?"

Bucky feels his face heat up.

"I'd kill to have somebody like him." He glances up at Bucky again, "You used to be the same way."

Bucky can't lie, "It's not cool to be best friends with your dad."

Steve looks at him sharply, "Well, it's not cool to be alone, either."

That gives Bucky something to think about.

\- - -

The competitors are some swank private school, and the boys' locker room has a huge framed photograph of the Olympic podium in black-and-white.

Steve stares at it as he slides his cap on, speaking to Tony, "One day, I'm gonna be on that. I'm gonna break the world record for the backstroke."

Tony glances at him, "I thought you were going to law school."

Bucky is the only person who sees the tension is Steve's jaw.

\- - -

When he dives into the water, the ink on the star immediately runs. 

Bucky imagines it vividly, a stream of red water trailing behind him. It's sort of like Steve's blessing to win, and win he does, climbing out of the water each time with his eyes on the ink.

\- - -

He's come in first three out of four events and, like last time, the relay is all that's left.

He swims for all he's worth, putting all his frustration of the past few days into it. He doesn't think about anything, just counts strokes, and it feels good to get everything out into the race.

When he touches the wall, Steve dives in over him, and the pressure of the moment is so intense that Bucky climbs out on shaky legs, turning to watch. They have a small lead, and Steve swims hard to keep it. When Steve's hand touches the wall, Bucky's heart pounds hard, two beats in a row. The only people in the stands are cheering for the other team, and half-hearted clapping greets Steve as he climbs out of the pool.

Bucky watches as Sam congratulates him with a fist pound, then manages to hold out his hand for the same.

"Good job."

Chest heaving, Steve bumps knuckles with him, and it feels to Bucky like they stare at each other forever.

After all the announcements are said and done, Bucky has four firsts under his belt. He gives Tony the one-fingered salute on his way back to the locker room.

Smirking, Steve elbows him, "Play nice ."

Neither of them sees Tony's calculating look.

\- - -

That night, the victory party is at Thor’s house. Well, in the field behind it to be exact. The night is cool and some of the boys start a bonfire, Bucky joining in on the festivities of tossing flammable things onto the pile.

There's no music, but plenty of drinking, and eventually things get plenty enjoyable. With the entire swim team and all the cheerleaders there, plus anyone else deemed appropriate, the group is well over twenty people, and the haze of alcohol makes everything very confusing.

Bucky splits off with a few of them to smoke a joint. Steve is nowhere in sight, but, then again, he keeps forgetting to look.

Stumbling back towards the bonfire, Bucky feels a tap on his shoulder. His mind instantly fills with the image of blue eyes and tan skin, and he turns around, a ready smile already in place.

It's Sharon Cather, and she kisses him before he has time to form a coherent thought.

Her thin arms wrap tightly around his neck, and her boobs press into his chest. She's not wearing a bra.

Bucky pushes her back, stumbling from the effort, "Um."

Then, someone grabs both his arms and starts tugging him backwards into the dark. Bucky is too drunk to protest much, and when a new set of lips presses against his in the dark, he can tell just from the type of kiss that it's Steve.

Somehow, they go from standing to laying down.

"Told you she was going to ask..." Steve mutters, pushing Bucky's shirt up to suck a mark onto his stomach.

Bucky pants softly in the dark, "She didn't."

"She did. Girls don't do anything casually."

Bucky gives him that point, laying back and letting Steve suck on various parts of his bared skin. He's turned on, and happy from the meet, and there's nothing he wants more than Steve's attention.

Nothing happens.

Steve sits up, palming the front of Bucky's jeans questioningly, and groans, "God, you're wasted."

Bucky is too drunk to come up with an argument other than 'Oh.'

"WHY did you drink so much?" Steve leans back over him, kissing Bucky deeply and pressing their tongues together. Bucky moans, but nothing happens still.

"Does it not work when you're drunk?"

Steve collapses on top of him, a hot, heavy weight that Bucky doesn't exactly mind, "No. No, it doesn't."

"Oh." He stares up at the moon past Steve's body, "Why didn't you drink anything?" It's a waxing crescent, just a small sliver on it's way to being full.

"Cause it doesn't work when you're drunk."

"Oh." Something occurs to Bucky, "Were you looking forward to it?"

Steve sounds extremely amused by him, "Yes."

"Oh."

Steve sighs, but his voice still sounds like he finds something funny, "I do that a lot."

"You do?"

"Yes."

Bucky squirms and Steve sits up, straddling his hips. He can only make out the idea of Steve, a black shape against a black, but starry, sky.

"Do you really like me?"

"Yes."

"I tried to figure out what you liked, but it was too hard."

Steve's hand coasts lightly over the smooth expanse of Bucky's abdomen, and it takes him a minute to answer, "I was thinking the same thing."

"I wish you were my boyfriend."

Steve doesn't say anything to that.

"I wish your hair would be a bit longer," Bucky says.

That gets him a surprised laugh, "It will. It's already coming back." He sounds even more amused, "Do you like a bit longer than this buzz cut?"

Bucky nods, forgetting that Steve can't see him, "I always wanted to pull on it, and now that you'd finally let me, its gone."

"it will grow back."

Bucky yawns, feeling suddenly drowsy, "Yeah, but maybe you won't let me."

He imagines he can see the flash of Steve's white teeth in the dark.

"Maybe I will."

\- - -

Bucky wakes up Friday morning with his worst hangover yet, managing to lay in bed all of thirty seconds before he has to go vomit.

He doesn't remember a thing.


	17. Meet the family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Truth be told, he doesn't exactly WANT to go to school.

"Bucky! You look terrible!" Phil feels his forehead, sighing after, "You've got a fever, alright."

This is as much a surprise to Bucky as anyone else. He muses that maybe his sore throat isn't just from puking.

"Well, if you're throwing up, I can't send you to school. It's in the handbook." His Father being the principle comes in handy sometimes. He sighs, drawing his mouth into a firm line, "I'll go downstairs to tell Steve to go on ahead."

Bucky perks up a bit at that, "Steve? I'll tell him."

"Bucky, I can't have you infecting people-"

"It's fine, I'll go tell him." He stands before he can protest further, going downstairs and out the door to he yells ‘Bucky! Not in your UNDERWEAR!'

Steve takes one look at him, unclothed, and frowns. He dutifully rolls down his window, though, letting Bucky lean in.

"I'm staying home."

Steve frowns deeper, "You're not sick."

"Am so. Dad says I have a fever."

Steve groans, "Oh, great. That means I've got it, too."

Bucky crosses his arms, resting his head on them, "Sorry."

Steve appears to be concentrating on his word choice, "Well... feel better soon."

Bucky looks at him hopefully, "Today's Friday."

"Yep. I'll come pick you up at like... twelve tomorrow. For the party." Steve glances at him, "Wear something nice. Like, coat and tie."

Bucky smiles slightly.

Steve glances away at the clock, "I got to go. SOME of us have school." He looks like he's biting back a smile, "By the way, if you keep wandering around me in your underwear, Nat's going to want to give you The Talk."

By the time Bucky can come up with a response for that, Steve is driving off.

\- - -

Day-time TV is nothing short of mind-numbing, but anything is better than school.

He takes a nice, long nap on the couch to start things off, and when he wakes up again, it's past noon and he's got a text message from his dad telling him to order some Chinese food for himself from the take-out menu on the fridge if he's hungry and can hold it down.

Since the idea of Chinese food makes him want to puke, he skips lunch altogether and heads upstairs to his dad's bedroom to run a bath. Stripping down, he toes the water in the large tub as he waits for it to fill.

Slipping into the boiling hot water is immediately relaxing, and he groans happily, laying his head back against the rim of the tub, eyes closed. He washes his hair first, while the water is cleanest, and then he closes his eyes and relaxes again, half asleep just from the warmth and the quiet.

At 3:00 on the dot, his phone rings. Groaning with the effort, Bucky's reaches out with one long arm and grabs it off the counter, bringing it to his ear.

"Hello?"

"I need you." There's the smallest of pauses, "I don't know which of these ties looks better with my eyes."

Bucky chokes on his own spit and must wheeze through a reply, "Are you SERIOUS?"

Steve sounds offended, "It's my half-sister's engagement. This is a once-in-a-lifetime thing."

"You have a sister?"

There's a long pause.

"Look, are you going to help or not?"

Bucky sighs, "I would. But I'm sick, remember? If I leave the house, dad will kill me."

"I know. That's why I'm coming over. I just turned onto your street."

"What?!" Bucky scrambles to get out of the tub, "No no no! You can't come in! Circle the block!"

"What? Why? I'm already here."

Bucky's heart pounds heavily, and he skids to a stop in front of the bathroom mirror. His damp hair is sticking to his face, "Please don't come in here."

Steve sighs, obviously annoyed, and the line goes dead. Bucky is just gaining hope when the doorbell rings. Twice.

"Shit!" Bucky tosses his cellphone onto the counter and runs towards the hall, but he's still wet and before he can even realize what's happening, his feet are sliding out from under him and he's hitting the tiles hard, head clunking back against them. Tears sting in his eyes.

The doorbell rings three times.

"Okay, okay, goddammit." Rubbing his head and limping just a little, he makes his way to his room slowly, tugging on a pair of boxers before limping down the stairs to open the door.

Steve's holding a handful of ties, and he looks annoyed, "Are you going to explain why I was supposed to circle the block?"

Bucky doesn't answer, just rubs his head, where a lump is forming. He's trying not to sulk. When he steps back, though, his limp gives it away.

Steve catches it, easy, "What's wrong with you?"

"...I slipped."

Steve reaches out automatically, hand coming to rest on Bucky's elbow, but he jerks it back, "You're wet!"

Bucky flushes, "Yeah. I was in the tub."

"You didn't want me to come inside because you were taking a bath?" Steve cocks a brow.

Bucky bites the inside of his lip, "I wanted to fix my hair."

Steve glances up at the hair in question, "Looks normal to me. Same as when you wake up in the morning."

Bucky frowns.

"Well, I've never complained about it, have I?" He holds out his hand, "Now help me pick out a tie!"

Bucky obediently looks down, studying the fabric in question. There are a wide variety of colors, but one of them, a rich, deep blue with the thinnest of sky blue pinstripes, stands out. Bucky picks it up, holding it up next to Steve's face.

"This one. They're the same color-"

Bucky's words are cut off by the press of Steve's lips to his. His weight settles back onto his twisted ankle.

"Ow."

Steve shifts back just enough to mumble an apology, then resumes kissing Bucky with renewed enthusiasm, dropping his handful of ties on the floor and picking Bucky up by the thighs, giving him no choice but to wrap his legs around Steve.

"My Dad's coming home."

Steve turns, pressing Bucky back against the door, and keeps kissing.

He tries really hard not to enjoy it, "I'm sick. And I'm not supposed to have visitors." Steve's hands try to slide Bucky's boxers down and Bucky squirms, "Stevie, really. You can't."

"I'll be fast."

Bucky just looks at him.

Steve sighs, "Okay." He lets Bucky down reluctantly, "Don't forget about tomorrow. I won't have time to ask anybody else Buck."

Bucky bites back a pleased smile, "I won't forget Stevie."

\- - -

Bucky started getting ready at eleven thirty.

"Why did Steve invite you again?" Phil leans against the frame of the bathroom door, watching him style his hair.

Bucky sighs, "So he wouldn't be the only guy our age there. I don’t know."

Phil smiles slightly, watching Bucky attempt to tie his tie, "Isn't Steve the one you have such a big crush on?"

Bucky feels his cheeks heat up, "Yes."

"So, you're excited?"

Bucky doesn't answer, straightening his tie and stepping back to take in the full picture in the mirror.

"You look very handsome."

Bucky smiles, "Thanks, Dad." He glances at his phone. 12:03. As if on cue, horn honks outside.

"Okay, Have fun."

Bucky just nods, double-checking his hair and smoothing his tie, the black suit making him feel like he’s ready to do a spy job, he pulls his hair into a little bun, and then heads downstairs.

\- - -

The first thing they hear upon walking in the room is a shrill scream.

"STEVENNNN!"

Bucky edges away from Steve as a Beautiful-faced woman in a white cocktail dress flings her arms around his neck in a deathly tight hug. She's petite, with the kind of attitude that looks completely natural and hair the shade of light brown, kept back in ponytail

Steve breaks in a grin, hugging back, "Hey, babe." He pulls back, angling her toward Bucky, "James, this is Wanda. Wanda, this is James Barnes."

"Oh, hi." She extends her hand to Bucky, and he shakes it, "Steve told me about you, don’t worry gay marriage isn’t legal yet in this state so carry on being lovesick over this hunk." She separates herself from the two of them suddenly, rushing off to greet another guest.

Bucky looks at Steve, raising one brow, "What'd you say?"

Steve opens his mouth to answer, but his efforts are in vain as he spots his father in the distance across the party

Steve just glares at him, "C'mon, Bucky, Wanda said she put us at some table and I want to take my jacket off."

Bucky follows him mutely through the crowd, slipping his own jacket off when Steve locates their table and draping it over the back of his chair. Head ducked, he starts to roll up his sleeves.

"I mean, she guessed, okay? I told her she couldn't hit on you and she guessed, what do you want from me?"

Bucky hisses his reply to Steve quietly, "I just kind of wished you'd let me know before people started acting like I'm lovesick for you or something."

"Hey, it isn’t like that."

Bucky doesn't answer.

"Look." Steve runs a hand over his hair, "You want a drink? Bartender's a chick, bet I can get you a glass of champagne."

"Yeah, by flirting, that's goanna makes me feel so much better," Bucky snaps. So far, he's not feeling their 'date' at all.

"Okay. You want to go to the bathroom?"

Bucky doesn't even hesitate, "Yes."

Without saying anything further, Steve turns and takes off. Bucky follows at the distance of a few feet, stopping when the bathroom is in sight to let Steve walk in. He waits until the mingling of the party feels fresh enough for no one to notice him, then steps forward and opens the door just enough to slip inside. Feeling behind his back, he locks it.

"Okay, so, my sister's a dick sometimes."

Bucky tries not to smile as Steve's arms slip around his waist, but fails, "That must run in the family."

Steve’s crunches his nose, "Ouch! Damn."

Bucky laughs, giving in despite himself, and leans in. Steve meets him in the middle and they kiss, slow and soft, with Steve pulling his hips forward against his own.

"This is more what I had in mind," Bucky mumbles against Steve's mouth, smiling, "When I wanted a date."

"Okay, so this date sucks. Gimme a break."

Bucky leans back into the kiss, deepening it and opening his mouth when he feels Steve's tongue sweep across his bottom lip. Steve groans softly, hips bumping against Bucky's, and pulls back from the kiss to meet his eyes.

"You're killing me."

Bucky smiles slightly, pleased, "You started it."

Steve's hands roam, sliding down to sneak a grope on Bucky's ass, "Okay. If I can get you drunk WITHOUT flirting with the bartender, you got to break me off a piece in the car later."

"No flirting?"

"No flirting."

Bucky considers, "Okay. Yeah." He smirks, "I'll break it. But only if you get me drunk before I have to see your dad. Deal?"

Steve nods, kissing him again as his hands rub over his ass, "Deal."

\- - -

Bucky isn't sure how he does it, but Steve hooks them both up with champagne, and after several glasses, the room starts to get warm and marginally more comfortable.

The mingling seems to go on and on, and at some point, Tony shows up and he and Steve take a trip to the parking lot to get high. Bucky knows he's technically invited, but Wanda is trying to tell him all about her husband-to-be, and he takes one for the team, nodding along with her as he drains both his and Steve's glass.

When Steve returns, Sam and Tony’s are flanking him and all three of their eyes are red and half-lidded. Steve touches the small of Bucky's back lightly, glancing to the glass in his hand, "Want a refill?"

Bucky opens his mouth to reply when Wanda stiffens, raising her voice in an attempt at cheerfulness, "Daddy!"

His and Steve's heads snap around at the same time.

"Wanda." Alexander Pierce doesn't even make eye contact with his daughter.

"Yeah. I'm going to the bar," Steve mumbles, but he doesn't have time to step away before Steve catches him.

"You heading to the drinks? “.

Bucky watches Steve walk off with longing, but he feels like he can't tag along with Steve around.

Sam reads his expression, "I'm sure he'll bring you back a glass, chill out."

Bucky chooses not to answer.

\- - -

An hour's worth of speeches and five glasses of champagne later, Bucky is viewing Steve in a pleasant haze. Steve brings him a sixth glass, but the thought of drinking it is mildly impossible, and he laughs softly as Steve takes it back from him, tipping it back with ease.

"Aright," Steve pushes his chair back suddenly, "We're 'bout to peace on this joint."

Wanda just stares at him. The last course hasn't even been served.

Leaning over, Steve kisses her on the cheek, "Just wait'll you see the gift I’m goanna give you at this wedding, girl. Just wait." His cheeks dimple as he smiles, "You're going to go psycho. It's going to be so kick-A, you won't even know what the fuck to do about it."

Wanda, like everyone else in the world, is easily charmed by Steve. She smiles.

Steve doesn't do anything until they're way out in the parking lot, and then he finally slips his arm around Bucky, keeping him in close, "So, you didn't have to talk to my dad, you got to meet my sister, and you got drunk. I mean, that's not THAT bad, right?"

Bucky snorts, "Your idea of a date is an engagement party."

"It is not. But it's not like I could skip it, and you agreed, so stop complaining."

Bucky glances at him sideways, "I wasn't complaining."

"Yeah, well," Steve unlocks the car, opening the driver side door and letting go of Bucky so he can walk around, "Deal's a deal."

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! hope you enjoyed it and please leave your reviews!! Love you all!!!


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